A song that I wrote - feedback welcome

kenneth050881 · #1 08-30-2010, 01:31 AM

Pretty much as the title says really, written and recorded fairly quickly and basically. If you can provide would be greatly received.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KythZXBf9xI

Ranger1964 · #2 08-30-2010, 04:25 AM

Nice song. Really great melody and strumming. It would be great if you would post the lyrics. I would like to hear the vocals just a tad more out front and the tambourine a little lower. Well done.

Zee15 · #3 08-30-2010, 10:31 AM

Funny, I was hoping for lyrics being posted too. I'm more of a writer than player, but I liked what I heard. Kudos on be so brave.

rhancox · #4 08-30-2010, 04:20 PM

Very beautiful song. The second recording was definitely better, but only in terms of recording quality. Both versions were performed equally well.

rickwaugh · #5 08-30-2010, 08:39 PM

Yup, think you need to bring the vocals up in the mix. A decent tune - think you need some more variety in the tune, at least a different bridge.

kenneth050881 · #6 08-30-2010, 10:06 PM

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the feedback, I will maybe re record it at some point with the suggestions you have made but at present I am working on something else.

For those of you that wanted the lyrics......

This could be the last time of our lives
This could be the longest of goodbyes
You and I still speak from time to time
Im sorry for not coming when you cried

Now we're old, we must try
Try to keep this love alive
Though you're gone, theres still time
There's no need to say good bye

This has changed forever, in all our lives
No matter what we do, or how we try
The days are falling by just like the rain
I hope that where you are, you feel no pain

Now we're old, we must try
Try to keep this love alive
Though you're gone, theres still time
There's no need to say good bye
See my face, theres no smile
It gets like that once each while
Though you're gone, theres still time
Never want to say goodbye

Im not looking for a lyrical crytique if thats ok, the song is about the passing of someone very dear to me so im not looking for lyrical advice.

Thanks again for responding guys.

ccarnucci · #7 08-31-2010, 07:31 PM

Very nice heartfelt song. I like it.