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#17
02-17-2021, 10:03 PM
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she closed the door
i shut my eyes and cried all night IMHO it's fine the way it is --- but since you asked... Maybe something like .... She closed the door ... I closed my eyes (long pause) and I cried all night To me the double use of "closed" works here, but that's just me. In the creative world there is no right or wrong way to express things. A lot has to do with the style of music, the nature of your voice, etc. Nice song overall ! All the best! 
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#18
02-18-2021, 08:25 PM
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Cool song. I left the American Pie reference out of this verse as you had it in a prior verse
i remember summer nights underneath the stars sleeping bags and fireflies in small glass jars silver moon in a sea of stars lit up the sky strumming softly singin' the words to american pie I remember summer nights, underneath the stars Sleeping bags and fireflies, aglow in small glass jars Harvest moons and campfire tunes, and magic in our eyes Time stood still while we played on, content to harmonize
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#19
02-19-2021, 04:57 AM
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I am not going to suggest other lyrics; there is no necessity to make things rhyme if you like the message they convey. Really!!!! Listen to many, many songs by many writers and you find hundreds of examples of lyrics that work just fine but do not rhyme. But I will suggest (OK, borderline demand!) this:
Buy the amazing book by Jeff Tweedy, "How To Write One Song." This small book is an absolute wealth of knowledge - most of it hard-earned and all of it totally honest and without pretension. I absolutely guarantee you will never look at song-writing as you did before. BUY THIS BOOK!!!! Read it slowly....stop every few pages and digest what you just read....then read it again, and take notes. Of all the books I've read about the process of making music, this one is the absolute best. BUY THIS BOOK!!!!! You're welcome.
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