"Convince My Heart" - an original song I wrote

[SongwriterFan]

I wrote this song earlier this year, to a friend of mine who tragically died last September.

I sent the lyrics and a work tape of me singing it (with piano) to a friend of mine, Zane Williams, who changed it up fairly significantly (though you can still hear that it's a derivative of the tune I had). He and a couple of his new band members (Hill Country) are going to be helping me make a "full band" (but still rather sparse . . more acoustic, really) demo of it.

Another songwriter friend of mine, Helene Cronin, mentored/coached me a bit, helping me see where I could make changes to improve the song. Without her help, it wouldn't be the same.

She surprised me earlier this week by expressing an interesting in singing it live (she asked for Zane's work tape and my final lyrics). She then proceeded to "make it her own", and informed me last night that she'd be performing it live. Glad I could make it.

I love her version.

I might fill in more details of the story behind the song later, but I'm actually more interested in seeing what it means to other people. I've found that others who identify with the song have their own story that they tend to put with the song. While the words are very specific to the way I felt, I left out many of the details in the song, which allow others to paint their own experiences onto the song when they hear it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoa5gnJkarc

[Acousticado]

That was very nice, SF. You should be proud of composing a song like that. She performed it well and the recording was decent for a live setting.

Generally speaking, there isn’t always clarity to really hear the words of a song, so I wish those who post originals would include the lyrics. It’s nice to follow along and really get a sense of the quality of the writing.

[SongwriterFan]

Helene had just switched guitars before that song, and the sound guy hadn't already set the sound for it. It was late in the set. There was too much guitar in the mix (at least FOH . . I think the monitors were better). There was also a lot of bass (the guitar was tuned down three half-steps).

Here are the lyrics, as I sent them to her. She changed them up some (with my full blessing) for her performance.

"Convince My Heart"

Not again, it’s that feeling
The one that I can't shake
Had I done something different
What difference would it make?
No, it’s not my fault
No, this is all on you
Why do I keep wondering
Was there nothing I could do?

[Chorus]
You were not mine to protect
I can't put that blame on me
Yet I would’ve done most anything
You surely must have seen
Your choice that day was final
From this world you had to part
I know I could not save you
Why can't I convince my heart?

Only now I realize
That you once reached out to me
I watched you getting worse
But not enough to intervene
Why couldn't I just say
What you needed to hear?
I didn't want to lose a friend
So I gave in to fear

(Repeat Chorus)

I know you would not
Want me to feel this way
Even though you can’t hear me
I still need to say

(Repeat Chorus)

Not again, it’s that feeling
The one that I can't shake

[Acousticado]

Thanks for posting the lyric. You may have left out words which is what good songwriters contend with...what to leave in, what to leave out yet still craft a compelling lyric/story. Imo, you’ve succeeded. I’m assuming you continue to feel pain over what became of your friend. Hopefully, having this song come to life, is somewhat cathartic.

[SongwriterFan]

Originally Posted by Acousticado

I’m assuming you continue to feel pain over what became of your friend. Hopefully, having this song come to life, is somewhat cathartic.

Writing it was very cathartic.

I basically had the "guilt trip" conversation with myself every day up until that point. Why wasn't I able to do something? No, it wasn't my fault. Repeat ad nauseum.

It started out as an email that I was going to write to her (knowing full well she couldn't actually open it and read it). But that would've ended up being too disjointed and messy. I needed something to force myself to organize my thoughts. That's when I decided I should try to make it a poem. Which then turned into a song (I've never written a melody before in my life, and this was only the second song I've ever written).

Once Zane sent me his first version, I've played that song at least a half-dozen times a day (sometimes twice that). It's much easier than having the conversation with myself. The song used to be much longer, then got shorter, then I put a bridge back in (one that was different than the few I'd tried before).

Now I have to concentrate on how I want the demo version to go. Helene's version emphasizes the sorrow. Zane's version has the sorrow (mainly in the verses), but picks up some of the anger/frustration (with both her and myself) that I had when I wrote the lyrics. Somehow Zane picked up on that when he recorded it. Or maybe it was in the version I sent him. What I sent him was a lot less "country". No idea why, since country is what I love.

Once it's done, I don't know what I'm going to do. She was also a singer/songwriter. I had always wanted to write with her, but never had the chance. But quite by chance I found out about a song she had started co-writing with another friend of mine, and it appears that it was never finished. I'm thinking I will ask if I can finish writing that song. In a sense, it will be the co-write with her that I never was able to get while she was alive.

[Acousticado]

Wow, thanks for sharing. Yes, finish that song. These initial efforts show you’re good at it. Writing/composing is a great release.

[SongwriterFan]

Had another friend agree to help me do a version (more like Helene's version, above, than Zane's version).

He sent me a guitar part the other day (in A, at 73 bpm by my count . . he thinks 72 bpm). I pushed it up to Bb and reduced the speed by 5% (so to 69 bpm by my count), and then added a scratch vocal to it, just to give him an idea of where my voice would be, so he can figure out where to add the pedal steel parts. I've wanted pedal steel on this since I wrote the song, I think it's gonna make it even MORE sad (if that's possible).

I did just a bit of EQ and a bit of reverb to the vocal, then some very quick "mixing" (just boosted the guitar part by 2 db).

He's gonna re-record the guitar part for me, playing it Bb this time, and slowing it to 70bpm. Also gonna add 2 beats (half measure) at the end of each verse and the bridge (before the chorus) to give me more time to breathe/rest there . . . and also extend the instrumental break between the second verse and the bridge a bit.

I tried to make this as emotional as I could. I clearly overdid it, as I pretty much "lost it" by the final chorus. This song is VERY personal to me, because I wrote it about the guilt I felt when a friend of mine (a real singer/songwriter) died last September. When I add the vocals "for real", I hope I can keep it very emotional, but without losing it like I did here.

http://www.neonlightsimaging.com/ima...scratchvox.mp3