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  #16  
Old 02-20-2021, 04:09 PM
Glennwillow Glennwillow is offline
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Hi Doug,

I think as we get older, we tend to get more isolated. This pandemic is keeping people apart, so it's exacerbating the problem. Being part of community groups -- a church, a book club at the library, etc, -- these connections to the community can help keep us in touch with others, except that all this stuff is pretty much on hold now. Family does matter. Being married or in a committed relationship can help a great deal.

But I think outside of any committed relationship at home, most of us get our social contact from the people we work with. Wait till you retire. I miss that contact with all the people I used to work with.

I'm afraid this is what happens as we get older. If we are going to keep isolation at bay, we have to make an effort to open doors to some kind of community involvement. Maybe once this pandemic is done with, starting a guitar group in your area.?? Chickee on this forum did this where he lives in New Jersey by using the meet-up system online. The Guitar League in the finger lakes region of New York State has a good system.

I'm glad you're here on the forum Doug. I know lots of people here, and I like the company.

- Glenn
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  #17  
Old 02-20-2021, 04:24 PM
leew3 leew3 is offline
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Doug,
Thanks for sharing so openly. Rokdog and I are in our same little town and I too count him among my small group of friends (and can't wait to get together and play music again). When I changed my lifestyle for the better I had to make new friends, then relocated to where we live now and began again. All that to say, sounds like you're right on track. I hope you're able to connect with some good folks at least enough to jam on occasion. Based on your posts here you have a lot to offer!
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  #18  
Old 02-20-2021, 04:39 PM
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In my old life, the life before retirement, my friends were very rigid people who lived a very structured one way life. I believe that in those days it allowed us to cope with things. We were required to meet certain expectations. But after I retired and I didn't have to conform to those norms anymore, I drifted from that life to a life less structured and rigid, more transcendental. Sadly many of my friends have failed to change and can not understand anything or anyone who changes. So they disengaged themselves from me.

But the good side of that is that I've made lots of new friends who are on interesting journeys of their own as their lives are winding down. So I still talk to my old friends sometimes just for old time's sake, but not as much and for not as long. But I am far from isolated. I've just found a new group of people to associate with. A few of them right here. When I can travel again I'm going to visit some of them.
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  #19  
Old 02-20-2021, 06:19 PM
spock spock is offline
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My singular best friend is my wife, and that is truly a blessing. As for male friends, I really can't lay claim to having any close friends, only acquaintances - neighborhood folk, former co-workers, brothers-in-law, etc. At 67 I have also finally accepted the fact that I am clearly an introvert and find my greatest joy in reading, writing, playing music, running, furthering my faith, etc. And while I can genuinely derive pleasure from being around people and socializing, I no longer feel compelled to be someone i'm not, or to feel as if something is wrong with me because I prefer solitude to larger groups if given a choice.
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  #20  
Old 02-20-2021, 06:32 PM
reeve21 reeve21 is offline
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Doug, you have been a good virtual friend to me on the forum. Your playing is an inspiration and your encouraging spirit much appreciated.

I don’t think your experience is all that unusual. People and circumstances change. I still live near lots of folks I grew up with. We are on good terms, but I don’t socialize with many of them these days. Sounds to me like you are focusing on the more important relationships, and letting the others run their course. Nothing wrong with that.

Looking forward to hearing more of your recordings!
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  #21  
Old 02-20-2021, 06:45 PM
Slothead56 Slothead56 is offline
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Just for context, I’m 64.

Only in touch with two friends from HS....spoke to one just this week and my HS girlfriend who I talk with a couple times a year (as friends).

Not in touch with a single person from college.

My wife and I tend to have “occasion” friend groups. Almost all couples. We have friends we’ve made through kids activities when they were growing up. Friends that we see during the Summer at our beach house, her tennis friends, my golf friends, old neighborhood friends, friends we made from all over the country when our son was playing D1 sports. Still in touch with many though we may not see them often.

I don’t have a “best friend” but I can think of a dozen guys I could call right now that would do anything for me as I would do for them. I think, by and large, that is the nature of guys.

To the topic though, there are two guys in my life that i was very close to. Both friendships dwindled over time by distance and lifestyle. I’m as much to blame as they for not keeping things current but there are times to simply let things go. I’ve pondered long and hard about reaching out to them and have decided it’s best to just let it go.
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  #22  
Old 02-20-2021, 07:01 PM
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This is a hard thread to read, just because it reminds me of my past life of extremely self-critical thinking.

Most people only get a few real (unconditional) friends in life anyway. It can take years...even decades... to find them. No person is totally easy to get along with. We all have our quirks. The thing is, don't give up on yourself, and don't give up on finding and enjoying new friendships.

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Last edited by H165; 02-21-2021 at 05:35 PM.
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  #23  
Old 02-21-2021, 10:35 AM
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Thanks again for the support.
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  #24  
Old 02-21-2021, 11:48 AM
Glennwillow Glennwillow is offline
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In reading Lee Iacocca's book quite a few years ago, he commented, "My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life."

- Glenn
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  #25  
Old 02-21-2021, 12:01 PM
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I guess if I really think about it, which this thread gas caused me to do, other than my wife I have maybe one close friend. I have dozens of acquaintances from my many years in business and have maintained a level of contact with some of them post retirement. But close friends not so much.
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  #26  
Old 02-21-2021, 12:13 PM
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My best friend is my wife. We've been together for going on 42 years and married for going on 38. I have a few old best friends from my high school and Navy days. We keep in touch through Facebook or occasional texting but nothing all that regular. I found that I always had a male best friend up until I was in my mid-30s. After that, life just get's busy with the kids and work and there is no time (or need) for that kind of close male bonding relationship and I never found it was something I missed either.

I have work friends and other friends that I share common experiences with like tennis, pickleball, guns, musicians, motorcycles and yes, even some AGF friends. The core group of people that attend the bi-weekly AGF Open Mics have become friends. But all those categories are just casual friends. I guess it depends on one's definition of what makes a 'friend'.

I am becoming acutely aware of the alarming number of high school classmates that are passing away! I'm only 59 and while not all that old, we're starting to lose the ones that have not led what you would call healthy lifestyles. The hardcore drinkers and smokers and eaters are dropping like flies.
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  #27  
Old 02-21-2021, 12:29 PM
marty bradbury marty bradbury is offline
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Interesting topic. I thought it was just me! My wife and I have 2 friends that we regularly see or converse with weekly. Have been with then much of 30 years. My 2 best friends are my wife and my middle brother. I find it strange how work friends rarely turn in to regular (out of the office friends). Never figured out why as I have made attempts to go out with them, of barbecue etc..Hmmmmm
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  #28  
Old 02-21-2021, 01:07 PM
Silly Moustache Silly Moustache is offline
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I'm knocking on 73 and my circle of friends are of similar vintage.
I am classed as "extremely vulnerable" and have received numerous letters from the government reminding me.

I decided to close my club a week before our first lock down in March 2020, and apart from one open air get together in August (maximum 30 bodies)

We have communicated very little, complicated by the fact that my 200 member ship list was on a site called Mail chimp which has ceased to function.

I used to meet up with Mando Bob and Ian the bass on a weekly basis, but that has had to stop and now i hear nothing from them, unless I ring or email them.

My stepson is almost in walking distance of us and used to do our shopping for us until the second lockdown when we finally got a click and collect account.
We have grandchildren and a great grandchild that we cannot see although Jane contacts them through What'sUp (?) or some such.

All us old folk in the first four "cohorts" up to and including over '70s and vulnerable, but our booster shots won't be until May.

I have one good friend from my working days who is stuck at home with his dying wife and another who is in poor health himself, and so unable to see his daughters and grand children. .

There are many in far worse situations than us - the thousands who are out of work, unable to visit people in care homes and hospital and of course those "homeschooling" (a very particular hell I would imagine).

Still, the sun shone today, and Nanny Jane and I spent a few hours preparing the allotments for the growing year!

Spring Will Come !
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  #29  
Old 02-21-2021, 01:40 PM
woodbox woodbox is offline
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Hey J-Doug,
to quote you in a recent post:

“ I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
Just kidding. It was Las Vegas. “

That cracked me up, right out loud!!


I’m so pleased that a number of members have refuted your notion of:

“ I know I don't fit in around the AGF either so I often consider not coming here anymore. “

Please do me (and the collective AGF us) a big favor-
if you get to thinking you don’t fit in here, and want to quit,
please write to me so I can talk you out of it.

Last edited by woodbox; 02-21-2021 at 01:48 PM.
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  #30  
Old 02-21-2021, 02:03 PM
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I love the fact that nobody claims all their friends on facebook. LOL
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