My dad is dying.

[jontewright]

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
That is a fabulous picture of your dad!
I lost my dad last June, he was 72. It was unexpected and I was with him when it happened.
A day I shall never forget.
I’m sat here at 6:40am in the uk reading this with tears in my eyes. If I’d read this a few months ago I’d probably be on the floor by now and unable to write this.

I suppose over time we learn to accept our losses and, in stages, the pain lessens little by little.
But it never truly leaves us.
Some of the responses to your post are truly beautiful and remind me that we are not alone.
God bless.

[Pura Vida]

I'm so very sorry. I hope he has had a good life, and you cherish the memories you made together. Likewise, I hope you are able to be there in these final days, and if not, I hope you both have had chances to say goodbye.

[islandguitar]

Phil, what a great picture of your dad during what had to be one of the most consequential periods of his life! I'm hoping that reflecting on his life and your life with him will carry you through this final difficult stage.
One part of this final journey could be that at some stage of his final days or hours the hospice staff may turn their attention and care to you and your family. It will be a kindness you'll never forget and one you can reflect on in the years ahead. No way around it....this is difficult stuff.
Sincere condolences...........

[Dirk Hofman]

I'm sorry for your loss, looks like a fun guy. My dad is getting up there and I'm not looking forward to such a day. Hope over time it gets better. Take care.

[hairpuller]

My dad died at 52 from a non-diagnosed heart defect. Doc said they would have never let him play sports (All American baseball player at CAL) if they found out about it when he was young.

Still miss him every day, even though he's been gone since '87.

Hope your last days with your dad are very special.

God Bless,
scott

[dermeister1331]

Thanks to all of you for the amazingly kind words and heartfelt relations of your own personal stories. I just got back to CA from a couple week visit to my homeland of Virginia to help my mom and brother get my dad set up in hospice. A silver lining in hospice is that you know it’s coming, and you can say your goodbyes, which I did. Sad thing is he is not who he was physically or mentally, but he knew what was going on when I said I had to leave and we said our goodbyes in our respective ways. The past weeks have been restless and defined by bad dreams.

[Silly Moustache]

At a difficult time in my life (career, relationships etc) I realised that here was something very wrong with my Dad.
My Mum dies slowly and in agony in 1977 and he went down slowly after that.

in 1979, i realised that I had to take control of the situation which meant that despite starting a new job about 120 miles south of London.

I had to sell up his business and find a place for him to live near me - but I was living in a hotel Monday to Thursday.

I found a ground floor flat - which is why I live where I am now. He got progressively worse and I became exhausted, and finally got diagnosed as suffering from Alzheimers.

Initially I lived with him but that was terrible.
My doctor told me I was on the verge of a breakdown as I was totally exhausted and needed a holiday. He arranged for my father to go into an old people's home for our time away and I went with my new girlfriend and her young son to Czechoslovakia for a week or so (the cheapest place I could find at the time).

when we got home we went late at night to collect my father and they told me they couldn't handle him, and that started an all night hunt to find him, which led to a situation bet not detailed here.

After hours with the head of social services, she forced a place for him in an appropriate home ("for the elderly confused") Where the staff were wonderful and he spent a little time there, and I would visit him every evening after work.

I'd felt so guilty about allowing him into a home, but he felt safe and comfortable there and I was able to be with him when he died. A peaceful end to a man born into a very unsettled childhood, seeing his father killed by a bomb in London, leaving home and living rough from from the age of nine. going through WW2 as a - we never knew because he was one of those people sworn not to tell of their war experience for fifty years and of course few lived that long.

I can only hope for an equally peaceful and painless parting.

[JonWer]

I went thru this with my Dad in the last year, it is gut wrenching. I encourage you to share with your friends and family, they will be your support and your relationships will be strengthened

[fenderball]

i lost my dad 7 years ago at 89...incredible person and father...my brother and i were at his side and so comforted knowing that there was nothing that needed to be said, apologized for or regretted...he knew we loved him 100% and we knew he felt the same about us...we both had such a wonderful relationship with him...losing him was so hard, but knowing there was nothing to regret was so comforting...and doing his eulogy was truly a blessing....

[FLRon]

Losing your dad has to be one of the hardest things for a man to deal with. As others have said, please be grateful for all the years you have had him in your life. Leave nothing unsaid between the two of you, especially "I love you dad and thank you".

[calvanesebob]

My father died of lung cancer several years ago and I feel your pain.

my heart goes out to you and your family.

[Nyghthawk]

I lost my Dad on 11/11/2011. I still miss him every day. I am sorry you are going through this. Its inevitability doesn't make it a **** bit easier. Blessed be.

[CASD57]

Originally Posted by dermeister1331

Hello all. Ironically, I’m having a cigarette as I type this out on my phone, but I wanted to share anyway, purely for the sake of putting this out into the void. My dad is dying. He’s 87 and has terminal lung cancer, and will be beginning hospice. I’m reticent to discuss this with my closest friends,as I just don’t want to talk if that makes sense. I’m only mentioning here because my dad is the guy who got me in to guitar in the first place. Here’s a pic of him back in Vietnam, around 1967.

Make the best of the time you have left.
I lost my mom, June 2009 and my Dad May 2010
My Dad and I just started reconnecting a year before his death.
I started seeing my mom every weekend two years before she passed, no reason other then I felt I needed too.
I'm forever grateful for the time I had in the last years of their lives.

Be with him, help him cope and be happy for the time you had