My dad is dying. - Page 2

jpd · #16 02-20-2021, 10:13 AM

Sing to and with him

catndahats · #17 02-20-2021, 10:29 AM

Dermeister,
I don't have words to express adequately; and yet what a striking photo.
I lost my dad 11yrs. ago at 87. One of our last interactions was when hospice was called in. I asked him while still in the hospital to squeeze my hand if he wanted to come home and he did. He smiled when they brought him back into his home. Hospice was really good for our family, and met dads requests not to pass in the hospital.

All these years later, I still talk to him everyday...

You will always carry that memory of your dad with his guitar, and how he got you started. A beautiful story.

Emil · #18 02-20-2021, 10:37 AM

So sad to hear.
I lost my dad to lung cancer as well whey i was a kid.
It’s hard to see your hero slowly fade. And it hurts when the man you knew as the rock from your childhood becomes so vulnerable.
One of the last things he told me was that no matter how strange and hard it may seem - life will go on and the sun will rise tomorrow as well.
He was right but that still didn’t take away the pain.
Stay strong my friend and keep your loved ones close.

dougdnh · #19 02-20-2021, 11:19 AM

So sorry to hear about your dad. That's a very nice photo, one I'm sure you treasure.
My dad also passed away at 88 from parkinson's. He was a professional guitarist who was always trying to teach me jazz. I'm 75 now and I wish I was more interested in what he was teaching me way back then.

fitness1 · #20 02-20-2021, 11:24 AM

Very sorry - one of the hardest things in life is watching that person that you looked up to for so long slowly lose his strength and abilities. I lost my Dad three years ago to Lewy bodies dementia and Parkinsons. We spent way more time together than most Fathers and Sons....right to the end.

Be there for him as much as you can, and make sure nothing is left unsaid. The fact that you've posted this tells me you've been a good son all along.

Peace and healing to you and your family.

Glennwillow · #21 02-20-2021, 11:35 AM

Hi Phil,

Thanks for letting us know. It's tough to go through this. I'll be thinking about you and hoping the best for you and your dad. I'm glad your dad had a positive influence in your life and brought you to the guitar and music.

- Glenn

RichardP · #22 02-20-2021, 12:31 PM

Phil, your pain can be felt by all and thanks for sharing. My dad died at 87, but that was about 25 years ago. He was also the reason I play guitar. There was always one in our house, but in 1950 (when I was 10), he bought a Martin D18 that quickly became mine. I learned on it, and still have it. His memory is constant because of it. I trust you will have those positive memories to help you through this difficult time.
Richard

Acousticado · #23 02-20-2021, 12:32 PM

Hey Phil. What you’re going through is tough. Tough on your Dad too. I wish you strength through this, your Dad probably wants you to be strong.

That’s a real cool pic...interesting guitar, even the cig on the headstock (seems like a Fender of some sort). Your Dad was a good looking man, likely you are too. Like others have suggested, he will live on in you. In the future when your Dad has passed on, when you least expect it, you will say something, make a certain gesture, stare in the mirror...and be struck that he just reminded you of his presence within you. I’ve experienced it. It is cathartic when it happens.

fitness1 · #24 02-20-2021, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acousticado

In the future when your Dad has passed on, when you least expect it, you will say something, make a certain gesture, stare in the mirror...and be struck that he just reminded you of his presence within you. I’ve experienced it. It is cathartic when it happens.

Isn't that the truth. And there will be times when you realized you haven't fully grieved the loss.

About 1 1/2 years ago I went to the Carole King "Beautiful" production when it came through town.

I went by myself and had a front row seat. The lady playing Carole came on stage with "So Far Away" (which is one of my favorite songs of all time) and completely out of the blue, I MISSED my Dad and started sobbing like a baby.

I just comes out of nowhere.

buddyhu · #25 02-20-2021, 01:15 PM

Sorry that you are at this juncture and are starting to experience this loss. It’s one of the most poignant losses that we face.

Talk to you Dad about the good times, his good qualities, the things you remember with fondness and gratitude...even if he is in an altered state and seems unresponsive, and let him know that you want him to feel free to move on as soon as he feels ready to let go of this life.

Many believe that it the passage out of this life is easier when we help the dying to see that there lives were well spent, and that the loved ones they are leaving behind are ready and able to tolerate their death.

I wish you and your father the best possible outcome.

fitness1 · #26 02-20-2021, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddyhu

Talk to you Dad about the good times, his good qualities, the things you remember with fondness and gratitude...even if he is in an altered state and seems unresponsive, and let him know that you want him to feel free to move on as soon as he feels ready to let go of this life.

Many believe that it the passage out of this life is easier when we help the dying to see that there lives were well spent, and that the loved ones they are leaving behind are ready and able to tolerate their death.

This is great advice. I did exactly this with my Dad, including promising him that I'd take care of Mom (64 years together - I know that was his main concern) It all certainly helped the process for both of us.

rokdog49 · #27 02-20-2021, 01:55 PM

My sincere condolences, sorry to hear this.
I lost my dad in December, he was 94.
He finally succumbed to heart failure after having a quadruple bypass 20 years ago.
The last couple of years one of my brothers and I were able to spend a fair amount of time visiting him at the Assisted Living Facilitie he was in. That was a blessing for all three of us.

J Patrick · #28 02-20-2021, 02:24 PM

...losing your pop is a tough one...my dad died unexpectedly which was both difficult and a blessing....and lung cancer is a rough way to go....my mom died from it about 5 years ago....she was feeling no pain but was on a ventilator until we ordered it removed...which was her wish....at least I was able to hold her in my arms as she passed....a cherished memory for me....hopefully you will be with your dad when he passes....I wish I had been there with my dad....stay strong...

unimogbert · #29 02-20-2021, 02:24 PM

..........

captain_jack · #30 02-20-2021, 03:40 PM

Hey dermeister1331, sorry to hear about your dad. I lost both my parents to different cancers on the young side (my mom was 45 when she passed and my dad was 60 when he passed about 7 years later)

Your comment about not wanting to talk to with your closest friends is very relatable as I felt the same way, so I'll share my experience for whatever it's worth. I was never one to open up to my friends about deeply personal things, partly because I felt like I would be burdening them with my woes, and partly because it was just the way I grew up. After a couple of years in therapy (working on that and some other issues) I'm in a much better place and able to communicate with people in a way I couldn't before. Being able to open with my friends has really helped me deal with my divorce as they've been very supportive.