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  #31  
Old 01-13-2020, 07:37 AM
MikeBmusic MikeBmusic is offline
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10 years older than you, separated for several months, divorce filing will be in the next month or so (need to wait for 2019 tax info).
I joined match.com and OKCupid.com (free, they are not getting my money - yet!) which allows me to look at 'who's out there'. Apparently there are lot of others who do the same thing - you can 'like' someone on these sites for free, but cannot message them unless they message you first.
As others have suggested, take your time, get out to social gatherings - go to open mics and any other things that might interest you (check meetup.com).
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  #32  
Old 01-13-2020, 08:10 AM
robj144 robj144 is offline
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Woops... thought the OP was going to be a list of more than 50 dating challenges.
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  #33  
Old 01-13-2020, 08:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robj144 View Post
Woops... thought the OP was going to be a list of more than 50 dating challenges.
Ah ha like a new "after you leave" song , by Paul Simon
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  #34  
Old 01-13-2020, 09:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robj144 View Post
Woops... thought the OP was going to be a list of more than 50 dating challenges.
With what some of us have been through I think it's be tough to cut it down as low as a top 100.
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  #35  
Old 01-13-2020, 09:26 AM
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Ah ha like a new "after you leave" song , by Paul Simon
Hop on the bus Gus...
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  #36  
Old 01-13-2020, 09:37 AM
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I have been checking back n this post for a couple of days and wasn't going to comment but I've changed my mind. My wife passed away almost 5 years ago I am 76 and we were married for 51 years. Her death was quite drawn out so we had a lot of discussion. We accepted the fact she was going to die--she was more accepting than me. Her big concern was that I find someone else to spend the future with. I flat out told her no--that I planned to spend the rest of my years with myself.

I met a younger lady (50) at church and we really hit it off well. So I let my guard done. She had divorced her husband a few years ago after he became abusive Long story short, as I showed more and more interest she backed away more and more. She finally cut it off and she wasn't very pleasant about it. I was crushed but then I started to think about my own plan of living alone.

I decided not to go through any of this again. I've had several friends that were either divorced or widowed and thought they found the new love of their life. In their not too distant future it ended in disaster. I thank God for the wonderful wife I had and the many years we had together. Instead of putting the effort on finding a new woman, I have put my effort on being happy with what I have, not being lonely, and enjoying my freedom.
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  #37  
Old 01-13-2020, 09:53 AM
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When I was about 22 I had in mind the perfect match for me. A 20 year old, independent, educated, street-smart partner who also happened to be incredibly attractive.

I met and married her. Best thing I ever did.

In the unlikely scenario that we are somehow separated from each other, my plan is to start over (with the same specifications).
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  #38  
Old 01-13-2020, 10:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wizardb View Post
I have been checking back n this post for a couple of days and wasn't going to comment but I've changed my mind. My wife passed away almost 5 years ago I am 76 and we were married for 51 years. Her death was quite drawn out so we had a lot of discussion. We accepted the fact she was going to die--she was more accepting than me. Her big concern was that I find someone else to spend the future with. I flat out told her no--that I planned to spend the rest of my years with myself.

I met a younger lady (50) at church and we really hit it off well. So I let my guard done. She had divorced her husband a few years ago after he became abusive Long story short, as I showed more and more interest she backed away more and more. She finally cut it off and she wasn't very pleasant about it. I was crushed but then I started to think about my own plan of living alone.

I decided not to go through any of this again. I've had several friends that were either divorced or widowed and thought they found the new love of their life. In their not too distant future it ended in disaster. I thank God for the wonderful wife I had and the many years we had together. Instead of putting the effort on finding a new woman, I have put my effort on being happy with what I have, not being lonely, and enjoying my freedom.
Iíve had a very different path than you but have come to the same conclusion - when in the twenties itís easy and natural for most to find a partner - itís second nature to who we are as human and social beings - but there comes a point when the ship has sailed for dating, and although it depends on individual circumstances, Iíve reached that point now at the age of 54 - the attraction has to be there, and older women have found me attractive, but Iím only attracted to much younger women - Iím still at that much younger stage in my mind too - but I wonít go there - many years ago I was with an older woman, but at some point the age difference becomes apparent and other imbalances (financial), which turns out to be not fair for either person, in my experience.
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  #39  
Old 01-13-2020, 10:39 AM
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After both of us marrying way too young and getting divorced in our early twenties, my wife and I have been married for 45 years.
I never think about being divorced again, but one thing I do know if I were alone again, taking advice from strangers is not something I would do. YMMV.
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  #40  
Old 01-13-2020, 11:57 AM
DesertTwang DesertTwang is offline
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I'm not quite 50 yet, so I can't really speak with authority, but having had multiple relationships during my adult life, including one that lasted 9 years (not married, which in Germany is a much more common situation than it is in the US), and being married with a child currently, I have a hunch that dating over 50 might be easier than one might think. Most, if not all, the pressures that are more likely to result in unhealthy compromises are no longer a factor. When dating young, I have experienced that it's almost impossible to find a person that ticks all the boxes, e.g. great sense of humor, strong attraction, compatible sex life, wants/doesn't want kids, likes/dislikes to travel, likes/dislikes a partner who spends money on expensive hobbies such as guitar playing, wants/doesn't want to own a house, wants/doesn't want to settle down to start a family etc. Some of those factors are simply not an issue anymore past age 50. Plus, at that age, people have figured out who they really are and whom they're really compatible with in the long run. Any insecurities around those issues should have been sorted out. Combine that with the fact that many (most?) people are divorced around that age, I could imagine that dating at that age might actually be the most fun and easiest time in life to date. So enjoy!
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  #41  
Old 01-13-2020, 02:50 PM
619TF 619TF is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertTwang View Post
I'm not quite 50 yet, so I can't really speak with authority, but having had multiple relationships during my adult life, including one that lasted 9 years (not married, which in Germany is a much more common situation than it is in the US), and being married with a child currently, I have a hunch that dating over 50 might be easier than one might think. Most, if not all, the pressures that are more likely to result in unhealthy compromises are no longer a factor. When dating young, I have experienced that it's almost impossible to find a person that ticks all the boxes, e.g. great sense of humor, strong attraction, compatible sex life, wants/doesn't want kids, likes/dislikes to travel, likes/dislikes a partner who spends money on expensive hobbies such as guitar playing, wants/doesn't want to own a house, wants/doesn't want to settle down to start a family etc. Some of those factors are simply not an issue anymore past age 50. Plus, at that age, people have figured out who they really are and whom they're really compatible with in the long run. Any insecurities around those issues should have been sorted out. Combine that with the fact that many (most?) people are divorced around that age, I could imagine that dating at that age might actually be the most fun and easiest time in life to date. So enjoy!
It's funny you mentioned kids and wanting to start a family as 2 separate items as those appear to be the same things to me and are the ONLY 2 that seem to change in importance after 50. You're right, you're not quite there yet but wouldn't you ALWAYS want a sense of humor, compatibility, attraction, not a crazy spender and doesn't care what you spend, and an agreement on wanting to own a house or not (that may or may not even be important to someone at any age anyway... it never was to me at least)?

Yes, people have more or less figured out who they are and who they might be compatible with. That's partly why it IS so difficult. After you've done all that work you can tell who might qualify and who doesn't fairly quickly (like even before you go on a date if you're smart in getting to know the person first). Also, there are even fewer left unattached at that point who actually do tick ANY of the boxes (as you said). Combine that with the fact that many are divorced and have a whole bunch of relationship baggage because of that and, well, you get the picture.
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  #42  
Old 01-13-2020, 05:45 PM
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Remember the sweet smell of that cologne that attracts older ladies of a certain age every time. It's called 401k!
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  #43  
Old 01-13-2020, 06:49 PM
lfoo6952 lfoo6952 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by H165 View Post
When I was about 22 I had in mind the perfect match for me. A 20 year old, independent, educated, street-smart partner who also happened to be incredibly attractive.

I met and married her. Best thing I ever did.

In the unlikely scenario that we are somehow separated from each other, my plan is to start over (with the same specifications).

Same specifications? Do you mean that when you reach 65, you want to 20 year old?. I'm with you brother!
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  #44  
Old 01-14-2020, 05:47 AM
Neil K Walk Neil K Walk is offline
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Wait for the ink to dry on the divorce first. If you're lonely join a club. Play some open mics. Hang around with a crowd with similar interests. If you come across somebody with similar values then pursue it slowly and let is take its course, but don't be in a rush to be with somebody just because you're lonely.

Also, go to the gym and exercise. Get the endorphins going. It will change your mood. Don't ogle the women though; you're on the rebound. They don't want to be bothered by somebody who's "needy" anyway.

As for the holidays, don't you have siblings or friends from work to hang around with.
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  #45  
Old 01-14-2020, 10:45 AM
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Dude! Why go out looking for another Ball and Chain!
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