Wow. This topic always gets folk worked up. Classical musicians almost always play with music stands. Same for musicians in pick up gigs like wedding bands, orchestra pits, etc. Some folks will cater to audience requests and have 300 plus songs at their finger tips. Use a music stand when needed.
Maybe the difference is between between musicians and entertainers? I enjoy seeing both. If someone is looking at a music stand while performing it's more like a recital right?
Take a peek at our song list on the web site below. We can perform all of the songs except for a few at any show. My wife has a wireless headset so she'll roam the floor often sitting at patrons tables, dancing, pouring drink, etc. I'm sitting playing guitar and percussion with my feet. We do everything possible to break down the barriers between us and the audience including mic stands and monitors. We'll often hand out percussion equipment and make it a jam session with the audience. It us so much fun for everyone.
How do we do it? We decided in the beginning we would not have a music stand on stage. It never became a crutch for us. Personally, I need to work at it. I practice frequently during the week on existing songs to keep it fresh in my mind with a metronome. Also try to learn new material and licks. It like she has a photographic memory. She says she thinks of a song as a story. Then memorizing the lyrics in the form of a story to be told. The Beatles "Come Together" was the hardest song for her to remember. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't turn it into a cohesive story. I think Performing frequently helps a lot.
You will make mistakes while performing with or without a music stand. Call them brain farts or whatever. And we do make mistakes
. So, have fun with them and make it part of the show.