When I read posts that suggest that people are "wrong for each other", or that someone has made the "wrong choice", I want to register my dissent.
A word like wrong is much too black-or-white, IMO. Just because a relationship doesn't last a lifetime doesn't mean that there was a failure, or that a mistake was made.
And just because something is unpleasant doesn't mean it is to be avoided at all costs. Often, an unpleasant experience brings many opportunities to learn valuable things about oneself, about one's "blindspots", and about how to bear/cope with things that seem unbearable. And since life tends to present a number of seemingly unbearable challenges, learning something about how to bear such things is INVALUABLE (indeed, it is not unheard of for people to share how they learned to thrive in the midst of such discomfort...though the sense of growing and thriving is not immediate...it often arises years later).
I know, there are some folks who were lucky enough to learn things in their family of origin that have enabled them to bear what is difficult to bear without becoming rigid or bitter or "distant" from themselves and others. And I know that some choose lifelong partners early in life. I am happy for folks who have been given such blessings. But most folks I know came out of their families inadequately prepared to deal with some of the things life would throw at them, and had to do the best they could to learn by doing, and to learn to develop a bigger perspective because their smaller perspective was no longer workable/viable.
|