[runamuck]

I read your entire post and still want to say that along with thousands of others, I use an Apollo and have never had the problems that you do. I've also been recording for more than a couple decades.

It's easy to sound insulting online but I think yours is a problem of operator error and one that can be fixed with a greater knowledge of recording: a fairly complex bunch of things that need to be understood to get good results, whether you're using an interface or USB mic.

PS - Once you get a handle on the UA Console it's not that often that you'll need to open it again. If you know someone who also does recording maybe you could get their help in setting it up. Anyone with some experience, regardless of whether they use an Apollo themself, might be able to help.