New to songwriting, opinions on my first attempt
 

Hello everyone, I am a young acoustic guitar player and very interested in writing my own songs. Musically I should have no problem, but lyrics have always been my issue. I understand personal experiences are a good place to start writing lyrics, so I figured, who doesn't like love songs? I met a woman this year who is unlike any other I'd ever known. So I wrote about her. I am looking for very honest opinions here, but please be easy on me (haha!) I used a very simple rhyme scheme, and the main theme is derived directly from a Bob Dylan tune (Let it be me) So, here goes:

I remember how I felt when I first met you,
A spark inside my soul, I'd never knew
Oh lady with eyes of deepest seas,
Let it be me

If there is one man you're dreamin' of,
When moon and stars appear above
If there is one man that you must see,
Let it be me

And so unto you I make my plea
Take my hand, and walk with me
From that day on I've felt your love,
And I know now that I have enough

Hi Southpaw.Good on you for have a go.I also write songs on a non professional basis.
Personally I try to avoid what might be classed as a time worn cliche like" moon and stars"
"deepest seas". The reason you you these is because you heard them before and it seems natural to use them.
maybe think outside the square a little.."how can I say this in a new way?"

Good books "Writing Better Lyrics" by pat Pattison.
"Tunesmith" Jimmy Webb.
Keep at it..lyrics were heartfelt enough just a bit generic.

The advice from flatbaroque is right on. Using well worn imagery and phrases is a seductive trap for a new songwriter. It is important to try to come up with something fresh and different in expressing yourself as a songwriter especially when dealing with a subject as extensively covered as love. It's also perhaps the most difficult part of the songwriting craft to find an original approach to such a subject.

As a first draft of a lyric you've outlined some of what you're feeling. Take those thoughts and make them more personal and unique to your own life. Let the listener know more about you and the lady as real people. We want to know why your feelings are special. A good place to start revising is to consider the answer to the questions every listener asks when they hear a love song: Who? What? Why? When? Where? and (most importantly) Who cares?

Your task as a songwriter is to make your listener care. Your passion for the subject matter is your fuel to drive the writing process. As with any skill or craft the more you do it the more accomplished you'll become. You're off to a good start with a good focus on what you want to say. The most important thing is to keep writing, and know that just by doing so you're already a better songwriter than you were yesterday.

Keep at it and good luck!!

Sometimes well-worn phrases can work. Depends on the song.
Love songs like "The Dance" use themes and metaphors to express the emotions.
Keep writing. I run through a lot of crap lyrics to get something decent when I go at it.

Just for my own fun I took your thoughts and wrote my own version.


I remember how it hit me when first I met you
You lit me up like I never knew...
...those eyes that drew me like a sailor to his sea.
Lord, let it be me.

Is there is a man you're dreamin' on?
When the sun goes down and the day is gone.
Surely you must need a "someone".
Let it be me.

I'll undertake to make my soulful plea,
I could be the man you seek.
from this day and for forever on.
together, you and me.

Cheesy and simple but then,so are a lot of love songs.




:)

One last thing that I'll add is that it really depends on WHY you are writing the song and for who. I wrote a 'love song' for my wife that to anyone else is a terrible song. She absolutely LOVES it because it came from me and incorporates sayings, secrets, and personality quirks of our relationship. That makes it extremely personal to us but the meaning would be lost on anyone else.

Even if a song is bad, they say you have to write a hundred bad songs before you write a good one. You are now only 99 away! :D

I think it's great and can't wait to hear it to music. Keep up the work!

Well, in my opinion and with due respect to all opinions here, I think that the lyrics are not the main "catch", impact, of any song, but the music, the melody. Take most of the lyrics of the greatest bands and composers...they just mean almost nothing to MY ears, they reflect the mood and mindset of the composers in that very moment. As already said, it depends uniquely of the author. I think that writing is practice as well, is reading a lot and it is about feeling. Take your lines above and put them in a killer melody and guitar line and you'll be a great success. Thanks for join us here at AGF !

I very much enjoyed your version, much more than my rough draft. Like I said, I am extremely new to this..and your input was very helpful. Simply stated; come up with an original way of expressing your feelings. Different words and phrases to say the same thing. Thank you very much!

You are correct with a lot of songs. On the other hand, success can depend on the lyrics as well. There are thousands of three-chord country and pop songs that depend solely on the lyrics to "sell them."
An example would be a crossover country-pop song like "Margaritaville." Pretty simple song, simple arrangement using basically three chords....mega hit.

I've got a song I've been working on since 1972 - just can't get the lyrics right. Think I'll just give up and wait for your song to hit the radio, then I'll cover it.

hi rockdog ... yes, maybe I was a bit generic, actually there are many songs anchored on their lyrics. I meant to lighten a bit the OP concern about HOW to write good lyrics which is very subjective. Thanks for your comment buddy. ;)

Hey, I hope I didn't come across wrong. Your point is well taken.
I've always been a "music" guy first myself. That is, until I started writing songs.
I just recently finished a song that I might post when I get it a little more polished. With this particular one, the melody as well as the lyrics matter because it's about love lost. I play it strummed, but there is no doubt if it were arranged and other instruments added, the melodic part of it would shine.
When I write something I think is worthwhile, I usually bounce it off a couple of other song writers I know. Gives me a good barometer of any value it might have. If you are interested, I will forward it to you in a PM.