I thought there were only supposed to be guitarist and musician jokes?? I saw a few about drummers.

What is a quartet made of? Three musicians and a drummer.

A banjo player and a drummer jump out of a plane. Who hits the ground first?

The drummer. Banjo player had to stop and tune.

What does one trumpet player say when meeting another trumpet player? "Hi- I'm better than you".

Q: what does Ginger Baker and a cup of coffee have in common?

A: both are better with Cream

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........Mike

My neighbor came banging on my door at 2:30 in the morning. 2:30am!!!! Lucky for him I was still up since I was practicing my bagpipes.


A guy walks into a bank with a banjo case. He opens it up and pulls out a machine gun and yells, "everyone down on the floor, this is a stick up!". One of the guys on the floor says, "thank God, I thought he had a banjo in there".

OK, that one made me laugh out loud for real.

Three guitarists - a classical player, a rock player, and a Dobro player - were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a girlfriend.

The classical player said a wife was better: "Marriage is time-honored - classic, if you will. You grow old together, like music that's passed the test of time - a wife is better than a girlfriend!"

The rock player disagreed: "No way - a girlfriend is better. So many to choose from on tour! Wouldn't one woman get boring? No, a girlfriend is better than a wife!"

The Dobro player said, "I think it's best to have a wife and a girlfriend".

The other two look at him in surprise.

The Dobro player explains, "You can tell your girlfriend you're going to be with your wife. You tell your wife you're going to be with your girlfriend. Then, you can lock yourself away and get some practice in!"

(That joke was adapted from one about a doctor, a lawyer and an engineer).
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Q: Define an optimist.
A: A Dobro player carrying a beeper.

(That one was adapted from a joke about trombone players, who are similarly needled about the obscurity of their instrument. It also dates from another technology era.)

These are great, folks. I'm sitting here laughing pretty hard. Thanks!

Sorry if this one is a repeat:

Q: What's the difference between a dog lying dead in the road and a banjo player lying dead in the road?

A: There's skid marks in front of the dog.

sm

This guy has always wanted to meet and have a conversation with some really intelligent people so he finds out where the local Mensa club is and when they meet and goes to the local bar around the corner from their club after their meeting ends thinking that some of these incredibly bright people will probably be there having a drink after their meeting is finished.

So he walks up to the first person at the bar and asks, what's your IQ? The guy at the bar replies very confidently, its 150. He then asks him, do you think that we will ever come up with a unified theory which can accommodate both relativity and quantum mechanics?
Well, they get into a deep discussion about theoretical physics and have a really greet conversation about the universe, philosophy and all matter of related subjects. After a while the guy at the bar says: Nice talking to you but I need to get home.

So, our friend walks up to the next guy at the bar and asks him, what's your IQ? The guy at the bar replies in a relaxed manner, its 140.
He then asks him, what do you think about the role of neo-liberal economics with regard the the current wave of populism which seems to be spreading in the Western world?
So they get into a deep discussion of modern geo-politics and the implications for the future and after a whole the guy at the bar says, hey it's been great talking to you but I have to run.

He then asks the next guy at the bar, whats your IQ, to which the guy replies around 100. "So who do you think will win the NBA this year" he asks him? So they get into a discussion about basketball, baseball and all variety of sports after which the guy at the bar has to leave.

So our friend walks up the last person at the bar sitting by himself and asks him, what's your IQ? The guy at the bar replies in a mumbling voice without making eye contact, I dunno, maybe 60 maybe 70, to which our friend then asks: so what kind of strings do you use?

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A doctor, lawyer and musician die in a car crash and find themselves outside the pearly gates before St. Peter.

St. Pete to the doctor: "Why should I let you into heaven?"
Doctor: "I devoted my life to curing the ill, healing the wounded and improving the quality life of all those that sought my services."
St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven" and the pearly gates open with angels lining the golden road playing trumpets to welcome the newcomer in joyous celebration.

St. Pete to the lawyer: "Why should I let you into heaven?"
Lawyer: "I devoted my life to justice for all, defending the rights of individuals, and improving the quality of life for all those that sought my services."
St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven" and the pearly gates open with angels lining the golden road playing trumpets to welcome the newcomer in joyous celebration.

St. Pete to the musician: "Why should I let you into heaven?"
Musician: "I devoted my live to the celebration of life itself through the magic of song and dance and improved the quality of life for all those that sought my services."
St. Pete: "Welcome to heaven. To enter please use the loading dock in back, go through the kitchen and take the freight elevator to the third floor........"

Why are violins bigger than violas?
They're actually the same size. It's just that violinist's heads are bigger.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? Vibrato.

Why is it that sound guys, when performing mic checks, can count no higher than three? This is not a joke, I really want to know!

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cotten