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  #31  
Old 07-07-2013, 09:20 PM
D. Shelton D. Shelton is offline
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Originally Posted by khedquist View Post
a duck walks into a bar and say, "give me a beer."
the bartender says, "we don't serve ducks, get out of here."

duck comes back the next day and orders a beer. Again the bartender says, "we don't serve ducks! Get out of here."

this goes on a few more days. Finally, the bartender tells the duck, " next time you come in and order a beer i'm going to nail your feet to the floor. Now get out of here."

the next day the duck comes in and asks, "do you have any nails." the bartender says no. The duck asks, "do you have a hammer?" bartender again says "no".

The duck then asks, "can i get a beer?"
:d ........
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  #32  
Old 07-08-2013, 07:37 AM
PorkPieGuy PorkPieGuy is offline
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A horse walks into the bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
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  #33  
Old 07-08-2013, 07:51 AM
JLed79 JLed79 is offline
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Default ...a skeleton walks into a bar...

A nun walks by a bar and a very very drunk guy stumbles out and stops in front of her. He looks her up and down and then reaches back and punches her square in the face. She falls to the ground. She gets up, brushes herself off and is wondering why he did that. He slurs to her "You're not so tough, are you batman!"
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  #34  
Old 07-08-2013, 08:51 AM
grampa grampa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JLed79 View Post
A nun walks by a bar and a very very drunk guy stumbles out and stops in front of her. He looks her up and down and then reaches back and punches her square in the face. She falls to the ground. She gets up, brushes herself off and is wondering why he did that. He slurs to her "You're not so tough, are you batman!"

That's funny.
I think I've heard all of others posted but this one is new to me.
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  #35  
Old 07-08-2013, 09:00 AM
grampa grampa is offline
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Spike the dog on a whim decides to enter a dog show and to his amazement he wins the "Mixed Breed" class. On his way home he stops at the bar to celebrate and has a couple too many. When he staggers home he forgets his winning ribbon at the bar. His wife is furious when he gets in late but Spike says "I was celebrating my dog show win." but of course his wife doesn't believe him because he has nothing to show that he won. He says he left it at the bar. She still doesn't believe him so he tells his son to go back to the bar and retrieve it. When young Spot walks into the bar the bartender asks him "Whatcha havin', kid?"


"Do you have Pap's blue ribbon?"
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  #36  
Old 07-08-2013, 11:48 AM
jseth jseth is offline
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So, a termite walks into a bar... looks around for a second and says, loudly, "Hey! Where's the bar tender?"
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  #37  
Old 07-08-2013, 12:35 PM
heni30 heni30 is offline
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Guy walks into a bar - exclaims "Free drinks for everybody on me - set them up bartender!

The bartender gives him the bill and he says "Well, I don't have any money." The irate bartender punches him out and throws him out.

A few minutes later the guy walks back in and slurs " Free drinks for everybody on me!" " 'cept for you", he tells the bartender, "You get ornery when you drink."

Last edited by heni30; 07-08-2013 at 12:44 PM.
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  #38  
Old 07-08-2013, 01:03 PM
The Dude The Dude is offline
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A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender asks him what he'd like to drink. The polar bear says, "uhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh a glass of ice water." The bartender says, "why the large pause?"
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  #39  
Old 07-08-2013, 03:28 PM
KevWind KevWind is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jseth View Post
So, a termite walks into a bar... looks around for a second and says, loudly, "Hey! Where's the bar tender?"
now that one is new to me and funny
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  #40  
Old 07-09-2013, 12:22 PM
RogerC RogerC is offline
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A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, which proceeds to lie down on the floor. The bartender looks over and asks the man, "What's that lyin' there?" The man replies, "that's not a lion. That's a giraffe."

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  #41  
Old 07-10-2013, 01:08 AM
Randers Randers is offline
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Two Men walk into a bar.

The first man says "Can I have some H2O please"

The second man says "Can I have some H2O too please"

The second man dies..

Many of you may be confused... some of you will laugh
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  #42  
Old 07-10-2013, 05:03 AM
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M19 M19 is offline
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Originally Posted by Randers View Post
Two Men walk into a bar.

The first man says "Can I have some H2O please"

The second man says "Can I have some H2O too please"

The second man dies..

Many of you may be confused... some of you will laugh
...hydrogen peroxide...

I got it and didn't laugh.
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  #43  
Old 07-10-2013, 08:04 AM
Side Man Side Man is offline
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Guy walks into a bar and orders a double bourbon.

Bartender pours the drink, the guy immediately downs it and orders another.

Bartender pours the second double, which the guy proceeds to chug down.

He orders a third double; as the bartender begins pouring, he says to the guy, "Man, I haven't seen anybody drink like that in years. What's the matter, did you lose your job or something?".

The guy replies, "Worse...".

Bartender says, "Death in the family?".

Guy says, "Worse".

Bartender says, what could be worse than either of those things?"

As the guy begins to down the third double he says to the bartender, "I've only got about 35 cents on me..."
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  #44  
Old 07-10-2013, 08:35 AM
grampa grampa is offline
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Three vampires walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

The first asks for a pint of type A. The second orders the same. The third asks for a pint of plasma.


"So that'll be two Bloods and one Blood Lite."
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  #45  
Old 07-10-2013, 11:17 AM
Randers Randers is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M19 View Post
...hydrogen peroxide...

I got it and didn't laugh.
wow tough crowd...
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