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  #16  
Old 07-07-2013, 05:55 PM
Dan Carey Dan Carey is offline
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Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
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A couple of guitars
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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  #17  
Old 07-07-2013, 05:56 PM
Dan Carey Dan Carey is offline
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So a guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says gruffly, " All right, pal, I'll let you stay but don't start anything."
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Dan Carey (not Crary)

A couple of guitars
A Merida DG16 Classical Guitar
A couple of banjos
A Yueqin
A Mountain Dulcimer that I built
A Hammered Dulcimer that I'm currently building
And a fiddle that I built!

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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  #18  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:01 PM
Dan Carey Dan Carey is offline
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A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a pub. The barman says, ‘Is this some kind of joke?’
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Dan Carey (not Crary)

A couple of guitars
A Merida DG16 Classical Guitar
A couple of banjos
A Yueqin
A Mountain Dulcimer that I built
A Hammered Dulcimer that I'm currently building
And a fiddle that I built!

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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  #19  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:14 PM
mc1 mc1 is offline
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a piece of striped ebony walks into a bar. the bartender says, "sorry, i can't serve you". the striped ebony asks, "why not?". the bartender replies, "because you've been getting wasted for a long time".
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  #20  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:47 PM
clintj clintj is offline
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A duck walks into a bar, asks if they have any duck food. Bartender tells him "no, no duck food. This is a bar." Duck walks out.

Duck comes in the next night, asks "Hey bartender, got any duck food?" "No, you silly duck, this is a bar. Get out of here." Duck leaves.

Third night, duck comes in. "Hey bartender, got any duck food?" "No. This is a bar. We got beer and liquor. Ask for duck food again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." Duck leaves.

A week later, the duck walks in. "Hey bartender, got any nails?" Bartender says "No." Duck replies "Got any duck food?"
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  #21  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:48 PM
khedquist khedquist is offline
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A duck walks into a bar and say, "Give me a beer."
The bartender says, "We don't serve ducks, get out of here."

Duck comes back the next day and orders a beer. Again the bartender says, "We don't serve ducks! Get out of here."

This goes on a few more days. Finally, the bartender tells the duck, " Next time you come in and order a beer I'm going to nail your feet to the floor. Now get out of here."

The next day the duck comes in and asks, "Do you have any nails." The bartender says NO. The duck asks, "do you have a hammer?" Bartender again says "NO".

The duck then asks, "Can I get a beer?"
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  #22  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:51 PM
HHP HHP is offline
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Baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender asks "What will you have?"

Baby seal says "Anything but Canadian Club"
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  #23  
Old 07-07-2013, 07:16 PM
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Bern Bern is offline
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Two guys walk into bar and the bartender says, "we're closed".
One guy says to the other, "not to worry, I have two beers on the balcony at home, but we have to be quiet when we walk through the bedroom...my wife is sleeping".
Once home, as they tiptoe through the bedroom, one guy says, "heh, there is a strange man next to your wife in bed". The other guy responds, "be quiet, I only have two beers".
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  #24  
Old 07-07-2013, 07:19 PM
dorable dorable is offline
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Oh boy, bar jokes! Let's see if I can remember how this one goes.


There's a bar on the top of a building. A man orders a beer, drinks it, and then jumps out the window and flies around the building. He does this again. Another man sees him and asks how he does that. The first guy says "The beer is magic." So the second guy orders some beer, drinks it, and jumps out the window. The bartender looks at the first guy and says, "You know Superman? You're a real jerk when you've been drinking."
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  #25  
Old 07-07-2013, 07:30 PM
Bogie54 Bogie54 is offline
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Default Horse walks in to a bar.......

Bartender says "Why the long face?".
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  #26  
Old 07-07-2013, 07:59 PM
ericcsong ericcsong is offline
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two eggs and some bacon walk into a bar. the bartender says, we don't serve breakfast here!
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  #27  
Old 07-07-2013, 08:17 PM
mr. beaumont mr. beaumont is offline
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Grasshopper walks into a bar...bartender says, "hey, we got a drink named after you" and the grasshopper says "you guys got a drink named Jerry?"
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  #28  
Old 07-07-2013, 08:23 PM
Aldwyn Aldwyn is offline
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A three legged dog walks into a bar, and says:

"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw..."
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  #29  
Old 07-07-2013, 08:29 PM
kerrinsdad kerrinsdad is offline
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a snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says " hey we can't serve you here. get out"
snake asks " why can't you serve me ?"
bartenders says "Cause you can't hold your liquor!"
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  #30  
Old 07-07-2013, 09:12 PM
Kevin A Kevin A is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HHP View Post
Baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender asks "What will you have?"

Baby seal says "Anything but Canadian Club"
lol..........
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