One reason I believe I don't play well

[Chas007]

It is my personal belief that when you play and you play well, you put a piece of your soul/yourself into it.

Bare with me as I try to explain this. And keep in mind that these are just my feelings, not fact, not anyone's truth, but mine. And I'm not sure I understand it.

I feel it's a bit like playing naked in front of whoever is listening. Or totally being your true unfiltered self in a very public setting. Being completely vulnerable and helpless. I'm not very good at putting my feelings into words, maybe that's a guy thing, I don't know.

I feel I'm a very weird and unique person. I have never found a "kindred spirit" in my life. I feel that when I have dropped the curtain, so to speak and let people glimps a bit of the real me, I've either been ridiculed, made fun of or made to feel like I was the only person in the world that was that way. And so I can't relax, turn loose and put my heart and soul into what I'm sharing with someone else.

My first marriage ended in a divorce and I never have forgotten what up until this time in my life was the worst feeling I have ever experienced. That feeling of realization that the one person that you had laid yourself bare to, heart and soul and shared some of your most intimate self with was now your enemy. Talk about Sun Tzu. The worst I've ever felt in my life.

I've heard it said that "every man has three hearts: one in his mouth, for the world to know; one in his chest, just for his friends; and a secret heart buried deep where no one can find it." It's that third heart that I believe you need to put a bit of in your performance.
In a nut shell, I feel I can't be me.

[H165]

I've either been ridiculed, made fun of or made to feel like I was the only person in the world that was that way.

I'd look analytically (and probably painfully) back at your relationship with your parents for the basis of this. My opinion is probably worth less than 2¢, but it's based upon actual personal experience. This subject is no fun at all.

[BoxCar_Joe]

There is a lot of psychology involved while playing an instrument. And it's worth examining if playing is important to you.

In Spring and Summer I play on a park bench. It's a wonderful way to connect with decent people in a low pressure environment.

And yes it's like getting naked in front of people.

[mr. beaumont]

I think you did a fine job of laying yourself bare and putting it all out there with that post.

As for needing to put yourself into the performance, yes and no. I'm not a big proponent of trying to make people feel something specific...I feel like if I choose material that connects with me, and I play it well, that's enough to connect to an audience, without telling them what to think or feel.

Without hearing you play, I can guess two things: 1. You're better than you think you are, and 2. It's your own self doubt that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So I would say, go back to why you wanted to make noise with this wood and steel box in the first place. Play something you like, and just focus on making a good sound with your fingers...don't worry about putting yourself into it, let the music breathe and be it's own thing. Free yourself from the idea that everything has to mean something deep to be of value. Sometimes music can just be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful...Art for the sake of Art.

The world is already a better place because you chose to bring music to it.

[Sarhog]

Originally Posted by BoxCar_Joe

In Spring and Summer I play on a park bench. It's a wonderful way to connect with decent people in a low pressure environment.

And yes it's like getting naked in front of people.

Do you mean you just find a park bench, sit down and play? I’m going to try that one day, but i get nervous just sitting here considering it.
Do you do this in a large city, or a small town? I wonder if there’s a difference.
I might try this, you’ve inspired me!!

[Gryf]

Originally Posted by Chas007

I feel I'm a very weird and unique person. I have never found a "kindred spirit" in my life. I feel that when I have dropped the curtain, so to speak and let people glimps a bit of the real me, I've either been ridiculed, made fun of or made to feel like I was the only person in the world that was that way. And so I can't relax, turn loose and put my heart and soul into what I'm sharing with someone else.

You are absolutely NOT the only person in the world who feels that way. Many, many people feel just like this. Many, if no most, won't ever actually admit it and talk about it though, and go through life trying their best to fit in and feel like they are like everybody else.

Talking about it helps. Here. To a friend. A Pastor if that's your thing. A paid therapist. Talking helps. My own journey started with me telling my dog everything that I never thought I tell anyone about. This led me to my Pastor, and then a therapist (who REALLY helped me). Then a close and trusted friend heard it all. When he took it all in and simply said "Thanks for sharing, but I still love you, man," I almost lost it. Even harder was telling my wife EVERYTHING.

When you share the worst stuff and find out your people still love you, maybe even MORE for having been so vulnerable and honest, it's like the weight of the world has lifted off your shoulders. The sky is bluer and the trees are greener. Life changes!

Point is: You. Are. Not. Alone.

[rmp]

Originally Posted by mr. beaumont

I think you did a fine job of laying yourself bare and putting it all out there with that post.

As for needing to put yourself into the performance, yes and no. I'm not a big proponent of trying to make people feel something specific...I feel like if I choose material that connects with me, and I play it well, that's enough to connect to an audience, without telling them what to think or feel.

Without hearing you play, I can guess two things: 1. You're better than you think you are, and 2. It's your own self doubt that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So I would say, go back to why you wanted to make noise with this wood and steel box in the first place. Play something you like, and just focus on making a good sound with your fingers...don't worry about putting yourself into it, let the music breathe and be it's own thing. Free yourself from the idea that everything has to mean something deep to be of value. Sometimes music can just be beautiful for the sake of being beautiful...Art for the sake of Art.

The world is already a better place because you chose to bring music to it.

This is a profoundly excellent response.

I hope it helps somehow.

[BoxCar_Joe]

Originally Posted by Sarhog

Do you man you just find a park bench, sit down and play? I’m going to try that one day, but i get nervous just sitting here considering it.
Do you do this in a large city, or a small town? I wonder if there’s a difference.
I might try this, you’ve inspired me!!

Yes I found a few quiet spots with seating in NYC's Central Park. Once you get started and people respond it's very rewarding. This will be my 4th year I think.

[Silly Moustache]

Hi, I don't think that you can be a "grown up" until you have suffered, loss, rejection, pain, and love.

When I play music, I "act" my songs (or more likely the covers of songs).

A few times, I have been selected to act on stage on a few "community" productions, (that means you act with pros, do all the hard work, get beaten up by directors ... but don't get paid!)

I found it fascinating to investigate my character's personality and motives - I'm not saying I did it well but - learnt a great deal, especially when watching how pros (some famous) built their characters.

Some simply say the words, some use their open personality, and some build them from the feet up and seem able to "become" that character.

I believe it is the same when "selling" a song - captivating your audience with the story of the song, whether it is your story, or the story of the character in the song.

Possibly the song that reveals this most, is Guy Clark's "Magnolia Wind".

I was written with Shawn Camp and is, ostensibly, art of a trilogy about a travelling fiddling lady -but "inside" the lyrics is Guy's story about his wife Susannah and her slow difficult demise.

When I sing that song, I imagine ...the story, that I see in it.

Same thing with gospel numbers - I'm not religious, but I can sense how people living wretched lives might need to believe in a land "across the Jordan" etc.

[rick-slo]

Regarding putting yourself into your guitar playing I have not heard you play. However IMO often music can offer a good release of those pent up
feelings and emotions. Find and learn from music where you sense the composer and/or player has done that.

[PointlessPicks]

There is definitely a mind-set to improving performing in front of others. There are a precious few who seem to have come out of the womb being natural entertainers. Perhaps Ms. Swift is in this category.

Most of the rest of us have had to work at it. I am nearing retirement and am planning to work hard enough until I can get songwriter gigs at local festivals in the area where I live. It is not easy.

For the past year I have open mic'd nearly weekly and I am only just getting a handle on stage fright. More importantly, I am learning how to OWN the stage on which I am playing. I believe this is a necessity for a good performance. This means crushing any negative thoughts you are having while performing.

Unfortunately, substances help a bit. A drink or two can really assist in calming the negative thoughts. It does not improve your accuracy in fretting notes or hitting notes while singing but in the end that does not matter so much. I am currently reading Lucinda Williams recent biography, she drinks 2 glasses of wine before performing.

Most of what we consider flaws while performing are NEVER noticed by audiences. This is important to remember. Realizing this, and, remembering to have fun are the most important things with respect to performing in front of others.

I hope this helps.

Cheers, Doug

[Charlie Bernstein]

Originally Posted by Chas007

It is my personal belief that when you play and you play well, you put a piece of your soul/yourself into it.

For you, no doubt. I just put practice into it. When I know a song cold, I can play it with feeling.

Originally Posted by Chas007

Bare with me as I try to explain this. And keep in mind that these are just my feelings, not fact, not anyone's truth, but mine. And I'm not sure I understand it.

I feel it's a bit like playing naked in front of whoever is listening. Or totally being your true unfiltered self in a very public setting.

For me, performing is acting. Instead of trying to become me (boring!), I become the person singing the song.

Originally Posted by Chas007

Being completely vulnerable and helpless.

Well, sure. That's the human condition, whether we're on a stage, a bus, a sofa, a tightrope, a vacation, or a bender.

Originally Posted by Chas007

I'm not very good at putting my feelings into words, maybe that's a guy thing, I don't know.

It's another human thing. Guy has nothing to do with it.

Originally Posted by Chas007

I feel I'm a very weird and unique person.

Welcome to the club! I can't think of anyone who isn't. There's only one of each of us.

Originally Posted by Chas007

I have never found a "kindred spirit" in my life. I feel that when I have dropped the curtain, so to speak and let people glimps a bit of the real me, I've either been ridiculed, made fun of or made to feel like I was the only person in the world that was that way. And so I can't relax, turn loose and put my heart and soul into what I'm sharing with someone else.

Ouch. Sounds hard.

Think of the Police's "Message In a Bottle": "Seems I'm not alone at being alone."

Ever read "Steppenwolf? Herman Hesse got it and understood how to get past it. I've read it three times. I've always identified with Harry Haller, and the way Hesse pokes gentle fun at him hasd helped me not take myself so seriously.

Originally Posted by Chas007

My first marriage ended in a divorce and I never have forgotten what up until this time in my life was the worst feeling I have ever experienced. That feeling of realization that the one person that you had laid yourself bare to, heart and soul and shared some of your most intimate self with was now your enemy. Talk about Sun Tzu. The worst I've ever felt in my life.

Try not thinking she's your enemy. Even if she's angry at you, that's her unhappiness, not yours. When I find myself regretting something, like a bad break-upp, instead of just reliving it over and over, I ask myself two things:

- What did I learn?

- How will I deal with it differently next time?

I've heard it said that "every man has three hearts: one in his mouth, for the world to know; one in his chest, just for his friends; and a secret heart buried deep where no one can find it." It's that third heart that I believe you need to put a bit of in your performance.
In a nut shell, I feel I can't be me.[/QUOTE]
For better or worse, we are us. And for what it's worth, it sounds like the problem isn't your music, which is really just those first two hearts. The problem, which on one can solve for you, is the loop you've tangled yourself up in. Ever hear of talking therapy? It's an alternative to anti-depressants, which just mask whatever ails you. You might look into it.

Meanwhile, take a tip from Sting, and consider this thread your message in a bottle.

And maybe stick your nose in Steppenwolf. Hesse was really on to something there.

[Charlie Bernstein]

Originally Posted by BoxCar_Joe

There is a lot of psychology involved while playing an instrument. And it's worth examining if playing is important to you.

In Spring and Summer I play on a park bench. It's a wonderful way to connect with decent people in a low pressure environment.

And yes it's like getting naked in front of people.

I love that. Great suggestion. Thanks for chiming in!

[Birdbrain]

Originally Posted by Sarhog

Do you mean you just find a park bench, sit down and play? I’m going to try that one day, but i get nervous just sitting here considering it.
Do you do this in a large city, or a small town? I wonder if there’s a difference.
I might try this, you’ve inspired me!!

The best acoustic space I've ever played and sang at was an octagonal, metal picnic shelter at a public park. The roof was like a big speaker cone, beaming perfectly amplified sound back down to you. Now I want one for my house.

[Chas007]

From what I've read so far, some believe I suffer from depression and self hatred and while those are probably true, we don't need to go into that here I don't think.
That's not exactly what I'm talking about here. It's more a thing of where I can't relax and let myself go with my playing and the singing that (I try to do).

It's more like I'm thinking people won't like the way I hold my mouth or sit or rock with the rhythm. Not to mention that I'm not good at either playing or singing. But it's not people right now, I mean I think I would like to share this with people some day, but for now it's just me and the dogs and I still can't let myself get lost in what I'm doing, if that makes any sense. And yes I do believe it creates a self fulfilling proficy. I can imagine how Joe Cocker must have felt when he started and I will never be a Joe Cocker, Lol.

I did start listening to the audio book Steppenwolf. Lol, we're on a music site talking about music and I assumed it was going to be about the band Steppenwolf or it's lead singer. I am enjoying it though, so I plan to finish it.