What's up with people who can't interact with other people?

[cmd612]

Originally Posted by catdaddy

The OP referenced shyness. As others have stated not everyone is wired the same. The Introvert-Extrovert spectrum manifests as a bell-shaped curve. Most folks have some mix of both personality/behavioral types but there are people at the extreme ends.

In a society the extreme introvert is often viewed by others as dysfunctional. That is of course a subjective judgement based mostly on the opinions of those who are wired differently. If a shy person feels unhappy as a result of their extreme shyness then perhaps professional help should be sought, but not every introvert feels that their behavior requires fixing. Some cope happily and successfully.

I've never thought of shyness and introversion as synonymous. To me the word "shy" connotes anxiety or fearfulness, while introversion doesn't. Maybe that's not everyone's usage of the words, though.

[blue]

I think a huge portion of the American population lives, and has always lived a "fear based life". In all aspects of their lives, not just crime or terrorism. Heck, I remember friends who played Football with me in High School (supposedly on the Alpha Male scale) who dreaded ordering Pizza on the phone ("no man... You do it!").

Technololgy has now evolved to the point where you can order toilet paper on "subscription", and never have to leave the house. You used to just have to suck it up and go do the things that made you uncomfortable. Now you don't.

So what I'm basically saying is that the percentage of people who have anxiety from these interchanges may not have changed, Yes there are definitely a bunch of people (everyone really) who aren't learning the skills to interact IRL. But when they complain about having to, it's not from fear, it's probably more from annoyance.

The poplulation with Anxiety is just being more vocal, because now that 90% of those interactions are easily avoidable, the remaining 10% is even more daunting because they aren't working that muscle on a regular basis.

[agfsteve]

I am one of those people who "can't interact with other people". Everyone is different, but for me the problem seems to be too much self awareness. I cannot turn down the inner monologue that is constantly, judgmentally narrating my life. I have great difficulty in living "in the moment"; I seem to be more connected to the judgmental inner monologue than I am to my own real self.

It's nothing to do with the internet or modern living. I believe for me that my brain cannot properly regulate or balance chemicals that are required to keep my emotions at "normal" levels. My mother has bipolar disorder, and I think I have a tiny little bit of that, but not so much that it prevents me from making my way through life.

[Gmountain]

I think the inability do deal with people at the most basic level is a problem, an done that must be faced, instead of accepted. I'm talking about the inability to go to a post office because you might have to talk to a clerk, or go to a store to buy something because you might have to talk to someone.

How can that person work? Support themselves? It seems to me that this is something that should be discouraged, treated and overcome, not accepted or found to be acceptable behavior. If someone doesn't want to socialize, fine, I can understand that. but inability to bring a package to the post office? That's a real problem.

And I know, some people will say "who am I to say? Who am I to judge?" Well, I'm a person, a taxpayer, and a human being too, and I have every right to express my point of view. I would ask "who are you to look the other way? Who are you not to judge?"

[amyFB]

Originally Posted by Gmountain

....

And I know, some people will say "who am I to say? Who am I to judge?" Well, I'm a person, a taxpayer, and a human being too, and I have every right to express my point of view. I would ask "who are you to look the other way? Who are you not to judge?"

To my way of thinking, opinions and judgments are similar, but different.

Each is based on a personal belief that may or may not be based on facts.
- opinion is a conclusion based on information.
- judgement is a conclusion with a consequence for the object of the judgement.

I have the opinion that many AGF posters like to post videos of them playing guitar. This opinion doesn't affect anyone.
I make a judgement that AGF posters who don't post in the play section are terrible guitarists. this judgement risks missing out on meeting great guitarists who never post in the play section.

[RP]

Social Anxiety Disorder

It’s the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations: Social anxiety disorder can wreak havoc on the lives of those who suffer from it. This disorder is not simply shyness that has been inappropriately medicalized.

Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed.

About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
Typical age of onset: 13 years old
36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help
Although they recognize that the fear is excessive and unreasonable, people with social anxiety disorder feel powerless against their anxiety. They are terrified they will humiliate or embarrass themselves.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider 15 million of anything insignificant even if it is "statistically insignificant." However, I believe that the real test of significance is whether and how much something affects us or those close to us...

[Gmountain]

I don't know. Every little thing has a name and a diagnosis these days.

[amyFB]

Originally Posted by RP

.....
Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider 15 million of anything insignificant even if it is "statistically insignificant." However, I believe that the real test of significance is whether and how much something affects us or those close to us...

IN fairness to the earlier post, I believe the statistical insignificance was referencing the AGF population who was commenting, not the numbers of people afflicted with the condition.

[blue]

Originally Posted by RP

[I]Social Anxiety Disorder
Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider 15 million of anything insignificant even if it is "statistically insignificant." However, I believe that the real test of significance is whether and how much something affects us or those close to us...

Let's say that number is legit, which as a trained psychologist, I could tell you all about the inflated numbers and who benefits from them, but I won't.

It's about 4% of the population. IF it were true.

So yeah. Not a big deal from an epidemiological perspective. Not diminishing the experiences of those who do suffer from it, but it is what it is. And what AGFSteve reported is not SAD.

The thinking in your last sentence is one of those things. Easy to say. Now propose something to do about it.

[Dirk Hofman]

Originally Posted by Gmountain

In the last few days I've read threads from people who say they are too shy yo go into a store, too shy to go into a post office, to shy to talk to anyone. What's the deal with that? How can people get to the point in life when they are buying guitars and not be able to function normally in society?

Is it a result of people thinking the internet is real life? People thinking they should never have to hear someone say something they don't like? How are they going to function in society? How will they get a job?

Maybe it's just a function of people sharing such stories on open forums and it's always been this way. You just didn't know about it.

Who knows. Not sure I'd jump to the hypothesis that people are any more sensitive or dysfunctional than they've ever been.

It would be like reading YouTube comments and concluding that the world is more racist than it's ever been or watching the news and concluding there is more violence than there's ever been.

Sometimes transparency and the free flow of info just exposes things in ways they have never been before.

[Jusca]

As a shy person (I used to be extremely shy and wouldn't go to stores alone, etc), the internet has very little to do with having fear or inability to handle some certain social situations. My shyness seems to be a mix of my personality and experiences as a child which carried into adulthood. Everyone's shyness isn't the same nor to the same degree. Shy people do function in society very well despite the challenges. There just may be certain situations a person has trouble with.

[Irish Pennant]

I never kissed the Blarney Stone and for some people they equate my lack of being a conversationalist with being shy. As someone that has played at open mics for a few years now, I've noticed the gradual increase in the number of people being more engaged with their electronic devices than they are with the people and events happening all around them. It use to bother me a little, now it's so common that I've become desensitized to it. So who really is it that can't interact? the Blarney Stone deficient musician or the new normal person with their smart phone.

[Cypress Knee]

Back in the day I was a long distance runner. It was very easy to find company on a run at the more popular training venues, you just asked someone how far they were going, what pace, and if it suited you, if they minded some company.

And for awhile strange people would communicate with each other - what are you training for, what do you do for a living, sports, politics, whatever. And after awhile the conversation would break because one person wanted to take another route, or pick up the pace, or whatever. And people talked because in a large part, doing a long slow distance run as part of a marathon training regime can get pretty boring after a couple of hours if you don't have another distraction.

And at the end of the run you had had a conversation with a fellow human being.

Today, at least two-thirds and maybe as many as three-quarters of the population immediately plug in their headphones and distance themselves from the rest of the world. There is little to no communication with other humans because of their self-imposed exile from the rest of the world due to their headsets and iTune collection.

Contrast that to a jam session. Nobody's wearing headphones. People are attempting to communicate through the music, and between the songs, there is the casual banter that helps you get to know people a little more.

Can you imagine that we are all at a jam session and it gets to me and I pull out a set of headphones, plug them into my iPhone, and announce, "Run Through the Grapevine by Creedence. I am going to jam along with Fogerty for 17 minutes during the solo, you guys do whatever you want."

Well, whatever, my rant just went around in a circle. But just my .02.

CK

[Silly Moustache]

Looking purely at the possible/potential impact of modern technology on this matter, it has been dealt with in a short story by E.M Forster ---- in 1909.

http://archive.ncsa.illinois.edu/prajlich/forster.html

[Jobe]

I was a very shy child. I don't know why. As an adult I somehow got into sales. At the end of the day I couldn't wait for some solitude. Being with people non-stop day in and day out can take a lot out of a persons' energy. In my middle age (57) I still require my peace and quiet. That is either my shortcoming or perhaps it is the fault of the rest of the people in the world. (kidding). It is what it is. I don't point fingers at this point. I accept how I am. I still love people. Space is a good thing on a busy planet.