Very Elderly Parents and the Boomers

[Otterhound]

Originally Posted by fitness1

Maybe sometimes, but in retrospect I think it probably accelerated my Dad's demise by quite a bit.

As you said with one of your parents, 6 years ago he was walking the golf course with me and keeping up. A couple years prior he had started "doctoring" after about 40 years of not going. Next thing you know he was on 4-5 different medications.

Within a couple of years he could no longer drive, play golf and many other things. He ran restaurants all his life and fixed the equipment by himself. I knew things were changing when one day he couldn't figure out how to put together a blower he had purchased.

NOBODY (not the worlds best pharmacist or doctor) knows what happens in a given individuals body when drugs are mixed. At the nursing home he was at, one of the nurses told me one of the patients was taking 27 different pills.

To me, that's all about big pharma making big money.

When did big pharma begin writing prescriptions ?
The big picture needs to be considered .

[fitness1]

Originally Posted by Otterhound

When did big pharma begin writing prescriptions ?
The big picture needs to be considered .

Didn't say they were - said they were making big money.

Of course doctors are prescribing them - and why do you figure that is? Any incentives?

[rokdog49]

Originally Posted by fitness1

Didn't say they were - said they were making big money.

Of course doctors are prescribing them - and why do you figure that is? Any incentives?

Well yeah and it seems the doc's like to try stuff just to try it. "Oopsy, that one makes your tummy hurt, well here's another one to fix that problem and if that doesn't work, etc., etc.
My father-in- law is taking pills to counter side effect after side effect to the tune of about twelve a day from the original medication. That can't be good.
There I go, being cynical again.

[fitness1]

Originally Posted by rokdog49

Well yeah and it seems the doc's like to try stuff just to try it. "Oopsy, that one makes your tummy hurt, well here's another one to fix that problem and if that doesn't work, etc., etc.
My father-in- law is taking pills to counter side effect after side effect to the tune of about twelve a day from the original medication. That can't be good.
There I go, being cynical again.

Both of my parents were mis-prescribed in the last few years and ended up in the hospital as a result. Neither the docs or the pharmacist caught it until they were very ill.

Dad was put on Metformin for about 8-9 years for mild diabetes issues. A recent study (not in the US - surprise) showed resoundingly that it increases incidence of dementia and Parkinson's symptoms. A couple years after he was prescribed, he started showing signs of both - had to quit doing things he enjoyed (golf) and was no longer able to drive.. I'm convinced that this was part of his demise. All his 13 brothers and sisters (he was the baby) lived well into their 90's except one. He passed at 83 and the last year was quite dismal.

[MrDB]

My Mom had a series of strokes about 15 yrs ago. By that time my Dad had progressed into full blown Alzheimers, so he was no help with her care. They lived in a rural area with a large property, so I convinced them to sell and move to a senior living community near me. My Mom recovered well enough to do pretty much everything on her own (meals were provided so she did not need to cook any more).

I would check in on them 2-3 times per week, take them to Dr appts, etc. The situation worked well until my Mom passed in 2007. She had a heart attack, then another several hours later and was gone. So it was my responsibility to look after Pop (my sister lives away).

I went to Dad's apt virtually every day for several years, until he was no longer capable of functioning without round the clock care, then we had to put him in a Nursing Home. He made it there for about 18 months before he died. He's been gone 7 yrs now. I miss them both terribly.

My plan is to make whatever moves are necessary to avoid being a burden on my kids/grandkids, and do it before it's time rather than too late.

I own Long Term Care insurance that will fund our needs should they arise. Make sure you have a will. Make sure you have health care and DNR wishes spelled out so you don't put those decisions on to your kids. Make sure you have life insurance or cash to fund your final expenses.

By far the most important thing is to make sure everyone you love knows that you love them. Tomorrow may never come.

[Neil K Walk]

This thread is heading down a slippery slope, but I agree with a lot of it. In my experience once a doctor is involved there's RARELY any admission of fault so whenever possible get a qualified second opinion.

In the meantime, it's also prudent to have your will up to date and your life insurance paid up.

[RedJoker]

I know several doctors and I sure wouldn't want to be one. In my opinion, everyone wants a doctor to 'fix' them but we're all convinced they're doing it wrong. Plus, they are generally being sued because of both doing something and not doing something.

[fitness1]

Originally Posted by RedJoker

In my opinion, everyone wants a doctor to 'fix' them but we're all convinced they're doing it wrong.

No question - it kind of ties into what I was saying in another post - the population is generally getting sicker (and older) and more pressure is put on the system. Throwing pills at sick people has just become the norm. Can't blame one part of the "chain" on that, it's just medical evolution, I guess.

[51 Relic]

I'm just turned 60 and retired but I care for my dear wife . My mum passed away 15 years ago and Dads now 87 but my Dad has now turned into a great friend not just a parent . Yes he can't do the things he used to but I'm just treating each year now with him a a great bonus . It's great just sitting down with a pint (or two or three ) and talking over old times

[rokdog49]

Originally Posted by Neil K Walk

This thread is heading down a slippery slope, but I agree with a lot of it. In my experience once a doctor is involved there's RARELY any admission of fault so whenever possible get a qualified second opinion.

In the meantime, it's also prudent to have your will up to date and your life insurance paid up.

I'll help steer it away.
I am really happy my Dad is still alive and my wife's parents as well.
At least we still have them.

[Parlorman]

My in-laws are both 91. They were living "independently" with a lot of help from neighbors and family until Mom fell and broke her pelvis in early 2017. Elder Services came to the house and said they couldn't live there because it's multi-story and not configured for single level living. We got them into an assisted living facility in town. It's a converted mill building with excellent facilities, 24 hour staff and the ability to provide any level of care short of hospice or life support.

They are thriving there. Meds are taken care of, they're eating better than they have in years and, in my mind, most importantly, they're not isolated and have a great social life. I hope I won't need it for many years, but I will gladly go there when I can't live independently any longer.