New song, feedback and critiques welcomed

jjtrain · #1 02-13-2015, 02:52 PM

Hi everybody,

Well, it's a bit of a proud moment for me because over this last week I've been piecing together and editing a song that I've been working on. For some reason, whenever I go on some cross country holiday, it's during the winter, and I'm usually in the northern midwest. Okay, I guess I live in this white wasteland, but that just means we in South Dakota crave the springtime even more. Additionally, being stuck in the tundra side of the state, I'm constantly wanting to go back home to the Black Hills where it's warmer and spring comes quicker.

So I guess that's what this song means to me. I don't have any recording equipment except for a mic installed on my laptop, so I did 4-5 different versions of this song and the best one is presented in this youtube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPO63...ature=youtu.be

To my ears, I'm pretty impressed with how this song sounds with a travis style of picking. I tried strumming, just never got the right feel to the song. I'm not overly impressed with my voice, but let's just say its a terrible mic and a little editing would fix it up a bit. (okay, I'm not that great of a singer, but neither is Bob Dylan and people pay to listen to him, so there's that I guess...)

The one thing I notice right away is that I'm pausing, mostly because I'm trying to get a feel for the song, since it's new even to me (I've already been through this song all week). Also, I can see that there's a few awkward lines yet to fix, or maybe I just need to adjust my rhythm.

So I'm posting here because I'd like feedback and critiques. What I really need people want to watch out for is to see if I've accidently used something someone else had already thought of. I hate copying, and while I doubt someone will sue me over this crappy recording, I don't like to take too many chances.

Also, no, I'm not trying to become a star, I'm certainly not that vain. But I am trying to make myself more audio recording friendly and I'm trying to push the boundaries of my skills to be a better singer and player.

Anyways, thanks for the feedback. If you are one of the few people deaf enough to like this song, here's the blog post I wrote with the tabs in it:

http://acousticballad.blogspot.com/

I'll try to take note of any advice offered to me, and I'll try to get a better recording out to replace this one.

Once Again, thanks and try to enjoy it!

--James

bluesguy63 · #2 02-14-2015, 07:14 AM

I'll be brutally honest because that is what I'm looking for...
Not sure what your ultimate goal is...mine is being good enough to stay on key and sing and play at jam circles and maybe, just maybe try an open mic and get a passing grade, again nothing too lofty.
You have a nice strong tone....if I were to walk into a pub, open mic etc and you were playing I would certainly give you a passing grade. I did notice that the rythym jumped just a wee bit, barely noticeable but I was listening for it. If my vocals were where yours are I would be extremely happy/content. No bull.

gibbyguy · #3 02-14-2015, 09:46 AM

Nice job James. I like the rhythm you got going on the guitar...reminds me more of a train song that a highway song. You definitely have a good idea with the lyrics, perhaps need to be developed a bit more with discernible verses, chorus and bridge components. I really like your descriptiveness and ability of reflection in the words. Good song writing takes a lot of practice. Thanks for sharing your song...Got that rhythm going in my head!
Ed

jjtrain · #4 02-14-2015, 11:38 AM

Thanks for the input guys. Yeah, the rhythm is my version of what Johnny Cash would do. His songs were so hypnotic because of that rhythm, I knew I'd need something like that for this song because it's pretty boring otherwise, at least on paper.

I'm surprised no one is critical on my voice, maybe I just find my own voice annoying?

Anyways, I'll take what you guys said and apply it to my practicing of this song. I did a couple more recordings late last night and I think it's getting better. I'm really trying to feel for the song, and get the chord changes perfect along with a spot-on rhythm. I'm getting the feeling that editing and tweaking are the hardest part of songwriting...

Once again, thanks!

--James

jjtrain · #5 03-04-2015, 12:26 PM

Here's the better version posted on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0pk...ature=youtu.be

Used with a Samson go-mic

--James

delaorden9 · #6 03-04-2015, 02:46 PM

Hi @jjtrain
I have listened the two versions. Nice voice and guitar. You may consider to record and mix, edit, put some reverb, compression or any other "make-up" to your songs through a DAW
. Do not confuse with audio editor such as Audacity, which is great as well, but I would recommend you something like Reaper or any other. Hope it makes some sense.

three4rd · #7 03-04-2015, 03:37 PM

I also think some editing in terms of EQ, reverb, etc. would help polish things up a bit. The EQ, at present on the guitar, is basically flat. Going on the positive side towards the higher bands would help to bring out the strumming and brighten the tone a bit.

Now on to the voice - have you had any vocal training at all? Your tone quality and control fluctuates alot especially between the lower and higher registers. Some of your high C#s and Ds sound REALLY GOOD - I almost heard a John Denver type of vibrato on some of those notes (how's that for encouragement..) But then some of your lower notes - D and below - don't have the same carrying power, making me wonder if you're more of a tenor than a baritone - although you did get down to a low A towards the latter part of the song. I'd try doing the song in E instead of D and I'll bet everything will come out stronger and seem more comfortable.

The goal in singing or wind instrument playing is to achieve a consistent tone quality across the entire range of the instrument. Without actually seeing you sing, I would venture to say that creating a larger space in the mouth (essentially opening the mouth more to create a greater resonating space) and definitely some diaphragmatic breathing for additional support and projection would help.

Overall the song has a nice groove to it...keep it up!

Keith

jjtrain · #8 03-04-2015, 05:13 PM

Thanks for the encouragement!

I'm still trying to work with this mic and the software that came with it, it'll be a while before I've got it set up so that it's ideal for the guitar. One problem might just e that I'm singing AND playing into the same microphone, so my voice might be overpowering what's really going on with the guitar. I'll have to invest in a better set up in the future, but for now all I've got is a basic Music Creator software and a Samson USB Go-mic.

Keith, I'm taking your words in particular to heart because that was very informative and kind of you to go into such detail. No, I've had no voice lessons, perhaps I should start thinking about taking some. I think a lot of the problem is coming from me not being comfortable singing into a mic. I'm just not used to it. But my lack of experience is ultimately what is holding this song back. I haven't been playing for very long either and I think my voice has only recently matured (I'm 20 by the way). Not only that, the song is less than a month old as well, I'm still trying to feel around to make it perfect.

It also might surprise you Keith, but I can sing Johnny Cash songs, in the same key as Cash, so the range isn't the trouble. I don't know much about singing, but I'd describe myself as a baritone.

I'll come back with another recording in a few days or a week and see the if any improvement has occurred.

Thanks for the advice guys!

--James