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  #136  
Old 07-23-2014, 12:55 PM
markallen markallen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LouieAtienza View Post

`Well, if you take the letter `f` out of the word `weigh,` you`ll get your answer!`
For a bad joke, I got a chuckle out of this..
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  #137  
Old 07-23-2014, 06:18 PM
James_214ce James_214ce is offline
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A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waayyy too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" and the guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
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I cut my teeth on the bread of pure temptation.

I tried it all and I learned to fall Like I would

never hit the ground.

- Jeffrey Foucault
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  #138  
Old 07-29-2014, 04:15 PM
James_214ce James_214ce is offline
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A snowflake walks into a bar & grill and asks for a patty melt...


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I cut my teeth on the bread of pure temptation.

I tried it all and I learned to fall Like I would

never hit the ground.

- Jeffrey Foucault
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  #139  
Old 07-29-2014, 04:25 PM
LouieAtienza LouieAtienza is offline
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What did the fisherman say to the card magician?

"Pick a cod, any cod...."
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  #140  
Old 07-30-2014, 06:56 PM
James_214ce James_214ce is offline
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Two old Italian men sitting on a stoop and having a conversation:

Al: "my wife did not believe me when I told her I could build a working car entirely out of spaghetti."

Ben: "oh yeah?"

Al: "Yes! - and she could not believe her eyes when I drove right pasta!"
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Epiphone J-200-SCE
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I cut my teeth on the bread of pure temptation.

I tried it all and I learned to fall Like I would

never hit the ground.

- Jeffrey Foucault
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  #141  
Old 07-30-2014, 07:07 PM
harmonics101 harmonics101 is offline
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Couldn't tell you here on the AGF,

H
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  #142  
Old 07-30-2014, 09:13 PM
LouieAtienza LouieAtienza is offline
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Identical twin boys were born and given up for adoption. One went to an Egyptian family and was named Ahmal. The other boy was adopted by a Spanish family and named Juan.

When he was of age Almah`s parents told him of his twin brother. Aftet months of searching he found Juan`s address and sent him a letter and a picture.

Juan received the letter and was excited. He gave the picture to his mother. She said to her husband, "Look at the picture of Juan`s brother..."

The father replied, "Don`t need to... If you`ve seen Juan, you`ve seen Ahmal!"
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  #143  
Old 07-31-2014, 09:02 AM
LouieAtienza LouieAtienza is offline
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If this doesn't take the cake...

A man goes to his gastroenterologist with a unique problem. He tells the doctor, "Doc, for some reason, when I pass gas, it sounds like the word 'Honda.'"

The specialist thinks for a moment, then tells him, "I believe you need to see a dentist!"

The man was confused, but decided to heed the advice. When he goes to the dentist, he tells him the problem. The dentist asks, "Do you also have some pain in your mouth?"

The man replied, "As a matter of fact I do."

The dentist brings him into the examination room. He exclaims, "Just as I suspected! You have a significant buildup of pus in your gums!"

The man asked, "How on God's green earth could my gastroenterologist know that"

The dentist replied, "You don't know? Abscess makes the fart go 'Honda!'"
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  #144  
Old 07-31-2014, 09:17 AM
Tone Gopher Tone Gopher is offline
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http://www.acousticguitarforum.com/f...d.php?t=351275
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Go for the Tone,

George
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  #145  
Old 09-15-2014, 08:26 PM
James_214ce James_214ce is offline
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C, E Flat and G walk into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, no minors".
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Taylor GS Mini Mahogony
Martin SC 13E
Martin HD-28
Epiphone Hummingbird Pro
Epiphone J-200-SCE
Gibson J-35
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I cut my teeth on the bread of pure temptation.

I tried it all and I learned to fall Like I would

never hit the ground.

- Jeffrey Foucault
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  #146  
Old 09-15-2014, 09:36 PM
Jim.S Jim.S is offline
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Bill and Ben (Flower Pot Men) are drinking in a pub. Bill says to Ben, "Flob a lob a lob a lob". Ben says to Bill, "Shut up!....... you're drunk".

Jim
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  #147  
Old 09-15-2014, 09:37 PM
gimme789 gimme789 is offline
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A man and his dog walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, no dogs allowed". The man says, "but he's a talking dog". The barkeep says "sure he is - get out". The dog then says "its true, I can talk". The barkeeper almost faints, and says "WOW, ok, I'll make an exception for you." So the man and his dog sit there and drink for a while. After a bit, the man gets up and says "here's 20 bucks Barfy, get us a couple more beers while I go to the bathroom".

The man comes back from the bathroom, and the dog is gone. The guys panics, and says to the barkeep "wheres my dog !?!??" The barkeep says "he walked out the door a minute ago". The man runs out the bar and finds his dog humping another dog in the middle of the street. The man says "Barfy!! What are you doing!?!? You've never acted like this before!!!", and the dog says "I've never had 20 bucks before!!!!"
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Last edited by gimme789; 09-15-2014 at 09:57 PM.
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  #148  
Old 09-15-2014, 10:16 PM
harmonics101 harmonics101 is offline
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What did the dead workaholic put on his stone as an epitaph ?

"Can't you see I'm buried ?"

H
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  #149  
Old 09-15-2014, 10:20 PM
Fatstrat Fatstrat is offline
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Man looking at classified ads see's ad " Talking Dog for sale". He calls and set up appointment. Arrives and is ushered into a room where the dog is watching TV. Dog looks up and say's "Hi. how are ya?"
Guys is amazed and says, " This is INCREDIBLE! You really CAN TALK! What's your story?"
Dog says "Well I used to be a service dog for a person who taught me to talk. Then 9/11 happened and left him to go help out at the Twin Towers. After that I went to Iraq to sniff out bombs etc. Then I was on Broadway for awhile. Now I'm retired".
Man turns to dog owners says, "This is Amazing! Why are you selling this amazing dog?"
Cause he's a BIG LIAR!
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  #150  
Old 09-16-2014, 10:42 AM
Big_Al Big_Al is offline
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A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel like a bandana.

The bartender asks him, "What's up with that?"

The pirate replies: "Arrrrrrgh! I have a Bounty on me head."
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