What do I do to push through

[Five Fourths]

I'm 47, can't play the sports I've always kept myself busy with, due to various physical ailments--mostly chronic wear and tear. I played wind instruments through college, so I have a music background--reading standard notation, theory, etc., just never any string training until the past year. I have a job that has bought me a bunch of nice guitars in the past year, but is otherwise unfulfilling. I picked up the guitar last fall thinking it would give me something to do and keep me from thinking about putting a shotgun in my mouth quite so often.

So, I'm almost a year out with guitar, and I've enjoyed it generally. As mentioned, I've bought a bunch of them trying to sample what's out there, and to figure out what I like and what is comfortable.

I find that when I learn to play something, I get to a point where I can pretty much play it, but not well enough to perform, and I lose motivation. That toughest last bit just doesn't seem worth it. And, so, even though I've learned a lot, I can't really play anything interesting.

I believe most of my problem is that: 1) I don't expect to ever have a chance to perform; and 2) I don't have anyone around me who cares to hear me play.

My wife played violin through college, and has no appreciation of, connection to, or emotional response to music at all. I've never met anyone who could have so little appreciation for anything, much less the violin that she played for at least 14 years. Absolutely nothing there.

I have no friends who play anything. All of my "music friends" from earlier in life are scattered to the wind.

How do I push through? I've practiced several times recently where 20-30 minutes in I just lose any desire to continue. It's like, what's the point?

Anyone else had to "push through" this kind of thing? Any advice? At times, I'm close to simply selling everything and saying the heck with it. One less reminder of what I'm not accomplishing.

Sorry to be so blunt and negative,
Louis

[TBman]

Louis,

I'm 63 and I have been playing on and off since I was about 9.

To me, a guitar is like a good book, but there is no ending. Problem with a good book is that sooner or later you've read the whole thing and its tough to find another good one. The guitar, like a book, has good chapters and not so good ones, but it doesn't have to end.

Have you tried a different playing technique - flat picking, strumming, finger style? Different tunings? Change up your style of music that you play? Blues? Jazz, etc?

I keep my goals immediate. Just learn a song, then another with no expectations of ever "performing" it, but I do share here often. I guess that's my stage,

About your wife... You just started playing, a year is nothing. Your wife played a demanding instrument for 14 years. Your playing probably sounds like fingernails on a blackboard to her, lol. She's just giving you room to explore and learn most likely

[bajawatt]

What do you want out of guitar? Once you answer that the path ahead opens up.

If what you really want is a distraction from thoughts of self-harm, it is not about guitar at all. Reach out to trusted friends or call 1 800-273-8255 available 24 hrs.

AGF can work as a community of music friends, especially those who share in the Show and Tell section. I've never mustered the courage myself, but I love watching. All the best Louis.

P.s. I'm 45 and often have 20 minute or less guitar sessions. Some days I just don't feel it. So I pick up the mandolin. Ha!

[justonwo]

There are a lot of things going on there. Not sure what your collection of guitars looks like, but in the end you’ll find fulfillment in the music, so pick your favorite of the litter for now and focus on playing.

My best advice: Don’t play to please others. Play to please yourself. Get a great teacher who inspires and guides you. They will keep you motavited and push you over the hump. They will care about the stuff your wife and friends aren’t giving you feedback on. A good teacher will help you push through.

Playing in a band with others also motivated me and helped me improve. You don’t even have to be that good. Just find others at a similar level.

[bufflehead]

Originally Posted by Five Fourths

I have no friends who play anything. All of my "music friends" from earlier in life are scattered to the wind.

Having folk to jam with transforms the experience. For me, finding an old-fashioned (or bluegrass) jam in a pub where I can play along transforms everything. It can be pure energy in a way that individual practice falls short. It's also a great way to meet folks with whom you jam privately, maybe even form a band.

Stop trying to do it alone. If you can learn to back up a lead player as a rhythm guitarist, you'll have someone from whom to learn by working out songs together. That's worth a lot more than lessons, in my book.

[CASD57]

Originally Posted by Five Fourths

I'm 47, can't play the sports I've always kept myself busy with, due to various physical ailments--mostly chronic wear and tear. I played wind instruments through college, so I have a music background--reading standard notation, theory, etc., just never any string training until the past year. I have a job that has bought me a bunch of nice guitars in the past year, but is otherwise unfulfilling. I picked up the guitar last fall thinking it would give me something to do and keep me from thinking about putting a shotgun in my mouth quite so often.

So, I'm almost a year out with guitar, and I've enjoyed it generally. As mentioned, I've bought a bunch of them trying to sample what's out there, and to figure out what I like and what is comfortable.

I find that when I learn to play something, I get to a point where I can pretty much play it, but not well enough to perform, and I lose motivation. That toughest last bit just doesn't seem worth it. And, so, even though I've learned a lot, I can't really play anything interesting.

I believe most of my problem is that: 1) I don't expect to ever have a chance to perform; and 2) I don't have anyone around me who cares to hear me play.

My wife played violin through college, and has no appreciation of, connection to, or emotional response to music at all. I've never met anyone who could have so little appreciation for anything, much less the violin that she played for at least 14 years. Absolutely nothing there.

I have no friends who play anything. All of my "music friends" from earlier in life are scattered to the wind.

How do I push through? I've practiced several times recently where 20-30 minutes in I just lose any desire to continue. It's like, what's the point?

Anyone else had to "push through" this kind of thing? Any advice? At times, I'm close to simply selling everything and saying f*** it. One less reminder of what I'm not accomplishing.

Sorry to be so blunt and negative,
Louis

When I find myself in a low.... I find a song...maybe through youtube that speaks to me, that makes me what to learn it, play it and sing it...
It's about motivation and being motivated and that takes goals, something to do, something to accomplish.
Take your music and guitar to a Park and practice, get a feel of playing with people around.
I just learned a song I heard here on a thread about your favorite song it's by the Nationals, and it's really easy to learn and play.. I did it in a night
Have Fun and read my Signature

[dhalbert]

I'd agree about trying to find other people to play with. You don't have to be good to jam - just strumming basic chords is fine.

Search https://meetup.com for any local jam groups, and check with any local music stores to see if they have suggestions or a bulletin board.

[Duck916]

Originally Posted by Five Fourths

I find that when I learn to play something, I get to a point where I can pretty much play it, but not well enough to perform, and I lose motivation. That toughest last bit just doesn't seem worth it.

I know exactly what you mean there. I'm about 1.5 years in at age 54 and find the same thing. In my case, it's not that the last bit isn't worth it, but that I get more satisfaction out of taking on the next song.

But what I've found is that when I put away song "XXX" and work on other things, I will come back to "XXX" a few weeks later and find I can make more progress with it. Maybe that will work.

And, I'll say that it sounds to me as if you've made a lot of progress in less than a year. Take pride in that.

Finally, please do reach out to friends when you're feeling down. Don't go it alone. Keep talking. PM me if you want to talk more.

[Capedbaldy]

If you want to address the “playing for others” part of your post, maybe consider posting your playing on YouTube or something. Start your own YouTube channel: include your opening post from this thread as your profile. Remain anonymous if you like.

Or maybe share recording of your playing on this forum (or others). There are people who care to hear you play

[byudzai]

The original post is altogether too familiar.

I've been pushing through for about three years. It's tough. I want to give up every other week, accept my mediocrity for the failure it is and go do something else. I keep pushing though, for some reason. The harder I work the more rewarding it is.

My anchor is my buddy Mike, who is on the voyage with me. We urge each other on, send each other recordings, push each other, support, chide, on and on for years now. For my bachelor party he and I went out on the streets in Philly and played and sang (horribly) for five hours. Neither of us would ever have done that without the other.

Open mics are the other anchor I use. It takes some serious balls, when you're starting, but commit to learning two or three songs with vocals and find an open mic and pick a date. Go. There are usually other beginners at them so, on average, they're encouraging. If you get to one with all polished acts don't sweat it, the next will be all amateurs.

It can be super lonely. The gulf between my enthusiasm for music and my friends' almost complete lack of interest was astonishing. My wife can't keep a beat with a stick and a bucket, let alone play or sing a note, so she was supportive but couldn't participate. I just pushed through the loneliness too. Tough stuff.... but it's the best thing in my life.

My $0.02.

[gibpicker]

What got my interest in playing was (going way back) learning acoustic songs like "Blackbird", "Babe I'm going to leave you", "Stairway to heaven", etc. by listening to records over and over until I got them down. Those were not easy songs for me to learn, but I kept at it until I learned one exactly like the record and that gave me confidence and satisfaction to go on to the next. Just some thoughts. Good luck Louis.

[joeld]

The OP covers a lot of ground. What I have to offer is... I play entirely for myself, no intent to ever perform. Performance isn't required, unless that is your personal goal. Music has an unending interest for me, and always offers another challenge. It never gets old. After about 20 years, my wife now occasionally says, "You're getting pretty good at that!" That actually makes me really happy. Listen to a lot of albums, be amazed at what people can achieve and the variety of musical possibilities. Take lessons with an in-person teacher and you'll make much faster and more satisfying progress. Be aware that you will always compare against yourself and find flaws. That provides the motivation to improve. The instruments themselves are really cool, and satisfying to own even if you don't feel you're getting the most out of them. Good luck and good cheer to you!

[Five Fourths]

Thank you for all of the advice, encouragement, and thoughtful replies.

My teacher has been out for the summer, and I feel like I've particularly broken down in the past 2-3 weeks. Honestly, my teacher is at least as important to me as a motivator as he is an instructor. I always walk away from lessons eager to get better and excited about learning the guitar.

His schedule has changed this fall, and I'm not sure we're going to be able to make it work. That's part of my current rut too.

I've thought about open mic nights--though I'm not familiar with the possibilities near me--but I can't help but think to myself, does anyone want to hear a fat, ugly, middle-aged Glen Campbell wannabe sing Gentle on My Mind?

That sounds awfully over-wrought when I read it back, but it's a pretty good description of the self doubt.

I really do need to find some buddies to play with somehow. Working from my home and raising an 8-year-old haven't been conducive to much of a social life--at least not one where I've met any guitar players. I've met lots of nice parents by coaching baseball, but none play that I know of, and it really just seems like everyone is too busy--no room for a buddy, or another buddy. I hate the rat race that life has become. I wish I could live in Mayberry, I guess.

[byudzai]

Originally Posted by Five Fourths

I really do need to find some buddies to play with somehow. Working from my home and raising an 8-year-old haven't been conducive to much of a social life--at least not one where I've met any guitar players.

Finding someone who's facing the same struggles as you is the tricky part. I've met a lot of musicians but they're all either way ahead of or way behind me, so it's no fun to buddy up. If you fish around, on here or even on youtube, you might be able to drum up an e-buddy willing to have a back-and-forth with you. Recording yourself and sharing it is a MASSIVELY valuable tool, because it forces you to up your A-game in a way practicing alone, or even with a teacher, never will.

[srick]

Louis-

What snapped me out of the rut last year was the simplest thing. I had been having problems with rhythm. At a workshop with Martin Grosswendt, he stopped, gently looked at me and said, “Follow my lead.”

We played unison notes at a slow pace, forty or sixty bpm. He told me to breathe. Then we alternated strings and gradually added a treble note. In short, it was a meditation.

That exercise makes me fall in love with the instrument every time. The sound is so pure and the harmonica so clear. Breathing clears my mind. After doing the exercise for several minutes, I become calm.

Toby Walker gave me a little more advanced exercise that looks so simple on the outside and yet has so many elements that need to be played properly in order to sound right. It too has become another meditative exercise (and it’s far from being mastered).

These are just a couple of ideas that have worked for me. I’d also suggest a weekend workshop or an open mic. Middle age (and beyond) can be a tough time; there is no clear goal and there never was a clear path. I look back to my childhood for things that brought joy and peace then, and find that those activities stimulate the same neurons in adulthood.

I hope your path is revealed and you find some joy in your playing.

Peace,

Rick

PS - remember when you heard ‘Gentle on My Mind’ for the first, second third, etc. time? How fresh it was? How evocative? (Wichita line man still does it for me) When an overplayed song is played well, it will still transport you to another time and place. Better yet, as a listener, you rediscover it. Of course, when it’s done poorly, it’s junk. But there is still magic waiting to be conjured up.