What to do about difficult band member?

[Holycow72]

So, I'm one of the newer members of our worship group at church. My playing has improved so much since joining. I look forward to every time we play and really appreciate seeing people enjoying the music during mass. Problem is that we have one member, who is our pianist, that doesn't share the same motivation to practice as a group. This equates to not our best performance...actually, simply stated, we're destined to screw up at least one song. I'm mean noticeably screw up, not something slight or barely noticeable. It all comes down to practicing together and being on th same page. What exaggerates the problems is that this person generally leads us into each song and is supposively the one in charge. Their idea of counting in for each song is " one-two-GO!". They decide what we play for the week, have been her the longest, etc. When confronted, they become defensive....and almost guaranteed to blame something or someone else for the problem. Type of person that "it's NEVER their fault". Here's a classic example....they showed up to practice without their music ...and when they realized it, blamed a family member "they must have taken it out of my bag!" When they do show up to practice and actually bring music they are on a time crunch, rush through everything not wanting to spend very much time on anything, and doesnt take notes. Ugh...so frustrating ....

[BillyHank]

You need to decide if you are getting enough enjoyment of being with the group to overcome your disappointment in the others lack of interest in improving as a group.

This sounds like a "normal" group to me.

[martingitdave]

Pretty typical situation. In worship groups, who are non-pro musicians, you have to treat the music secondary to its intended purpose. Try joining a second group where you might supplement your musical aspirations. Loosely translated: you can't fire the piano player, or the boss.

[Strayslack]

Originally Posted by BillyHank

You need to decide if you are getting enough enjoyment of being with the group to overcome your disappointment in the others lack of interest in improving as a group.

This sounds like a "normal" group to me.

Disclaimer: "Religious themes" are at the heart of this post, so if this will offend you, please disregard the following.

Here's the thing, though. This is a church group, and that adds a very important variable to the equation.
I'm in my church's praise band. The motivation behind our music, first and foremost, is bringing praise and glory to God, and facilitating that in the congregation.
Our enjoyment of the music, and the quality of our "performance", is secondary. We all decided long ago that when the latter becomes more important than the former, we were not on track.
That being said, screwing up the songs in a noticeable way detracts from everyone's ability to praise and worship - it really does - and that is why we are dedicated to dotting our I's and crossing our T's.
I believe that appealing to this person from this standpoint is the way to go. If you approach someone after "getting prayed up" (as my dear mother puts it) and with an attitude of love, you'll be far better off than appealing to them from the standpoint of simply screwing up the performance.

[roylor4]

Does the pianist work for the church - is it their job? Are the rest of you volunteers? If that is the scenario, they are probably burned out and no longer really care - so long as they show up and play they feel like they are fulfilling their duty.

I have heard several similar stories from my sister and mom - both sing in the choir and it's always either about the choir leader or pianist/organist. If they are the leader you should learn to live with it and enjoy it for what it is or quit. It's not a democracy. If enough people quit only then will changes be made.

My .02

[Holycow72]

Yea. Exactly. I just wish this person would try half as hard as the rest of us....THAT would still be a huge improvement. It it weren't for being a worship group and the fact they're running it....we would be in search of a new pianist

[fazool]

Sounds like a no-win situation.

If it was me I would politely explain the situation and resign from the group. But, without being vindictive, I would tell folks the real reason. It sounds like the pianist/leader will not correct his behavior even if you tell him. For the sake of the others, it should be addressed.

I would simply tell the group and go back to being a parishioner.

[Holycow72]

Originally Posted by Strayslack

Disclaimer: "Religious themes" are at the heart of this post, so if this will offend you, please disregard the following.

Here's the thing, though. This is a church group, and that adds a very important variable to the equation.
I'm in my church's praise band. The motivation behind our music, first and foremost, is bringing praise and glory to God, and facilitating that in the congregation.
Our enjoyment of the music, and the quality of our "performance", is secondary. We all decided long ago that when the latter becomes more important than the former, we were not on track.
That being said, screwing up the songs in a noticeable way detracts from everyone's ability to praise and worship - it really does - and that is why we are dedicated to dotting our I's and crossing our T's.
I believe that appealing to this person from this standpoint is the way to go. If you approach someone after "getting prayed up" (as my dear mother puts it) and with an attitude of love, you'll be far better off than appealing to them from the standpoint of simply screwing up the performance.

This is exactly the rest of our feelings...and the approach we've taken....it's just been unsuccessful ....

[Holycow72]

Originally Posted by roylor4

Does the pianist work for the church - is it their job? Are the rest of you volunteers? If that is the scenario, they are probably burned out and no longer really care - so long as they show up and play they feel like they are fulfilling their duty.

I have heard several similar stories from my sister and mom - both sing in the choir and it's always either about the choir leader or pianist/organist. If they are the leader you should learn to live with it and enjoy it for what it is or quit. It's not a democracy. If enough people quit only then will changes be made.

My .02

They do not work for the church... But the attitude is like you described

[redir]

Well, take my word for it, it's much better then having to deal with band members with drinking or heroin addiction

FWIW when I was young and still went to church no one ever got upset when the musicians made mistakes. It's probably best to let the perfectionism slide.

[Acoustic Beatle]

No real advice per se but Ive been there ,has have many older
players on the forum, no doubt.I was always the," cheer leader",
in every band Ive been in , you know , "what songs we learning next",
"whens the next rehersal / gig".It all became very tiresome
when I felt these things meant more to me than it ever would
to most people Ive been in a band scenario with .Ones turning up
not having played their instrument since the last rehersal I could not
and still do not understand. I take being in a band as a serious commitment
" If you dont bring it , then swing it ....." ! Ive settled for applying my energy
and enthusiasm to acheiving a higher level of playing ability at home and in so doing
I drive and direct the matters concerning progress with out
all the frustrations I had when expecting that band mates would be as enthuaiastic as I was.

[Gypsyblue]

Playing music ought to raise your energy, the members of the band's energy, and raise the energy of those you're playing for.

It's supposed to be fun...even in church.

Maybe especially in church.

If you're not enjoying it why continue banging your head against the wall?

Are you that desperate for a gig that you'll play with people you don't enjoy playing with and who clearly don't take the gig seriously?

I wouldn't.

Matter of fact - I don't.

[Kip Carter]

Is this a paid employee of the church? You didn't answer that question. You mentioned 'mass' and many Catholic churches do employee the organist or pianists in their services so it would make a huge difference here.

If an employee then this is a management issue period. The rest are all volunteers and as such donating their services and time.

If not all are doing that and equally contributing. Key word being 'equal'. Now if there is not an official worship leader then that is a problem organizationally that you should get a group together and go to the leadership of the church and talk to them about. Because unlike a band or other secular groups this thing has to have a formalize leader or internal politics will tear it up from inside like it sounds like it is right now.

This has nothing to do with religion and has everything to do with organization, keeping the peace and maintaining order. "I've been here the longest doesn't give the biggest vote, and doesn't make you have the best ideas. There needs to be an arbitrator and manager type in play that makes those choices without bias and in the best interest of the the team and the church.

[Shoreline Music]

I'm not eager to comment on any fellow worship leader's musicianship or leadership. But I will say that if you don't have unity—and I mean spiritually and personally—you're not going to make great music on Sunday morning. If your team is not heading in that direction, then I'll echo the recommendations of others: It's time to move on, maybe find some other like-minded folks in your church or elsewhere.

[ljguitar]

Originally Posted by Holycow72

…Ugh...so frustrating ....

Hi Hc72…

Relationship is often the price we pay to earn the right to play.

I work with about 12 other musicians who rotate on our worship teams, and none of us is perfect. But the person in charge is the person in charge, and the one I've focused my relationship building with.

I'm the newest member and have little-to-no-voice at this point. But 3 years from now (given the normal rate of turnover in our groups) I'll be one of the solid members with more 'voice'.

In the meantime I serve at their pleasure, for His pleasure, and not for mine.