Not Him Again: Mic Stand

[RustyAxe]

I sub'd one summer at our church (on bass) and when asked to join as a permanent member I turned it down. It took all I had not to lose my cool at nearly every rehearsal and service. The lack of preparation by the vocalists, the incompetence of the guitar player, and piss poor attitude of the bassists (me) wasn't conducive to a worshipful atmosphere (for me). I was honest with the music director, "You don't need me, you need someone whose heart is in it". When it comes to something like this ... there are no victims, only volunteers. If the gig doesn't fit, walk.

[FLRon]

You need to take a step back and remember who you're dealing with. They're called Humans,and Humans say and do dumb and often stupid things.

Listen, I've been a worship leader before and have spent the better part of 40 years working with people in all kinds of church ministries,and if there's one thing I've learned it's that more often than not there will be that one thing that will not go according to plan.

It's up to you to handle the situation in a way that doesn't result in you getting bent out of shape. Remember, you are in control of you and no one else. Besides, are we to believe that all of your actions within the group have been perfectly acceptable to the others? Or to put it another way, do you think there's a possibility that others within the group by have a rant or two about you?

Have a nice day...

[Rudals]

Originally Posted by FLRon

You need to take a step back and remember who you're dealing with. They're called Humans,and Humans say and do dumb and often stupid things.

Listen, I've been a worship leader before and have spent the better part of 40 years working with people in all kinds of church ministries,and if there's one thing I've learned it's that more often than not there will be that one thing that will not go according to plan.

It's up to you to handle the situation in a way that doesn't result in you getting bent out of shape. Remember, you are in control of you and no one else. Besides, are we to believe that all of your actions within the group have been perfectly acceptable to the others? Or to put it another way, do you think there's a possibility that others within the group by have a rant or two about you?

Have a nice day...

About me? I can't possibly think of anyone who would do that. I am being delusional, of course.

The list of things that I have gone thru probably pales compared to a lot of you who have been at it much longer than I have but just for kicks:
- Been asked to move to the other side of the stage by the wife of someone who played electric guitar. She said, "Dr. Johnson would appreciate it if you could move to the other side of the stage." Not sure why she calls her husband doctor and why it is even relevant. I chuckled and moved.
- After practice, the same dude that I mentioned in the OP took my music stand and replaced it with a shaky one. I let it go.
- I saw the same dude give a death stare at a new guy for standing in his spot. That's when I truly saw the ugly side of him.
- I have had the same dude take my DI box AND even screw with the cables that goes to my amp, which caused feedback. I took the fault.

The best thing I can do is just laugh it off and live on my life.

[fazool]

Well....I gone and done it again.....


I read Cotten's post and feel humbled.



Thank you (sincerely)

[Rudals]

Originally Posted by cotten

I retired a year ago, after 47 as a full time music minister, with experience in both traditional and contemporary settings. After I was 50 or so, I began mentoring younger people in becoming worship leaders in their own right. A couple of dozen or so have gone on to have great success in helping lead musical worship in one way or another.

I don't know your age difference, but perhaps instead of being ruffled or offended by this guy's lack of experience and grasp of how to best do what he's doing, you could begin to mentor him gently. If you think he'd be open to it, talk with him about meeting with you for lunch or dinner periodically to talk about various aspects of worship leading, perhaps just one or two per meeting. (There are some good online helps, too, but this meeting idea is not just to build skill and understanding, but relationship.)

If that's not likely to happen for whatever reason, perhaps a different approach would be helpful. Try these four practical steps.
1. Pray for him, every day. Not just a sentence or two. Really!
2. Jot him a short, sweet, humble note, every week. Let him know you are praying for him. Limit any criticism or "suggestions" to very positive, helpful comments, no more than a couple of sentences. Maybe something like, "I always arrive early to get set up. I'll start getting there a little earlier to help make sure you have everything you need - a music or mic stand, a cable or a small bottle of water, etc."
3. Don't wait for him to respond before starting to do just that, without fanfare. Don't tell him how to be well prepared, show him, week after week, without resentment or announcement. He may be harried or even slow, but he'll catch on, not only to what you're doing but the servant's heart with wich you're doing it.
4. Still, there are likely to be times when he does something to "get your goat." That moment is a Great Opportunity to demonstrate why you're there. I won't say more on this out of respect for forum rules, but you know what I mean. Hold your temper. Tame your tongue. Remember that all 12 pairs of feet got washed in that upper room.

I'm pausing to pray for you now, that you'll have the wisdom you need.

cotten

Cotten,

I appreciate your support and feedback. I'll try to put your suggestions into action. I am glad we have you on this forum.

...apparently, my wife is also praying for me after hearing my rant. She said that I need to pray more and meditate on the Words.

[KevWind]

Originally Posted by Tele1111

Kev is spot on. It's not deep, it's reality. A comforting one at that.


Kev, I'd love to hang out with you sometime.

Mark

Ha ! thanks but my vocab and trivial recall is much greater than my intellect

And having been pretty intense for much of my life I now take very little social interaction seriously, and have been told I have good if weird, sense of humor. If I ever make it to Chi Town I'll look ya up

[cotten]

Originally Posted by fazool

Well....I gone and done it again.....


I read Cotten's post and feel humbled.



Thank you (sincerely)

You're kind, my friend. Let's just say that music in a church setting gives us ample opportunity to demonstrate the truth in that music. Or, handled poorly, not.

cotten

[Mr. Jelly]

I would have asked questions before answering him about the mic stand.
Like:
Do you need it right this minute or can it wait until we're done? Then I'll get right to you.

A proactive questioning attitude is always rewarded.

[Rudals]

Uh...as we're going up the stage to play?!

[MrDB]

P&W bands have the same issues as any other band. That's a hot take, I know.

I quit 3 yrs ago. Over 1 member. Church starts at 10:30. I got there at 9:45, got my stuff organized, tuned up, then went back to the cry room and quietly went over the song list.

He arrived at 10:20. With his 12 string. Mostly kinda sorta tuned up. Positioned himself next to the PA, played out of tune and constantly turned his guitar louder than me or the keyboard.

Every member of our group tried to gently suggest to him that he arrive earlier and not mess with the sound levels. He would insist that he never messed with his volume yet me and the keyboard player would watch him do it every Sunday.

I just got to the point where I just couldn't deal with it anymore and quit. And haven't regretted it. YMMV

[Tyeetime]

Originally Posted by cotten

1. Pray for him, every day. Not just a sentence or two. Really!

Or alternatively, don't. And just tell him exactly what you think.(In a respectful way of course, no need to be a jerk.)

Sorry, but I just don't understand all the beating around the bush here. Seems like an easy thing to address.

[Mandobart]

This kind of backs up my previous attitude against the whole "praise/worship team" phenomena that has grown over the past 20 or so years, aided by the trend in ever-larger "mega church" congregations. We've all got egos. Pride is one of those seven deadlies folks. By creating an environment that plays to the boastful pride and ego you all are not helping the mic stand guy, or any other "stars" on your worship team.

You wouldn't serve hard liquor at church knowing some members may be battling alcoholism would you? I think by feeding this individual's need for attention, power, control, etc. you are doing the opposite of what a church should.

Based on this and previous posts, it appears that this whole worship team involvement is causing you stress and anger. Again, is this what you seek in a church environment? You may be familiar with the admonition of what to do if your hand, eye, participation in worship team, etc. offends you....

[Denny B]

Originally Posted by Tyeetime

Or alternatively, don't. And just tell him exactly what you think.(In a respectful way of course, no need to be a jerk.)

Sorry, but I just don't understand all the beating around the bush here. Seems like an easy thing to address.

I agree...It's like the old saying "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."

All the beating around the bush is just compounding the negativity...face the situation and individual, state your position, and then see what your options are to resolve the issue...

I know an old timer who used to say all the time, "If you don't like someone walking all over you, don't lay there like a doormat..."

[The Bard Rocks]

There's a good side to this. If he is not speaking to you, he will not be able to ask for another such "favor".

[cotten]

Originally Posted by Tyeetime

Or alternatively, don't. And just tell him exactly what you think.(In a respectful way of course, no need to be a jerk.)

Sorry, but I just don't understand all the beating around the bush here. Seems like an easy thing to address.

I don't for a single heartbeat accept that what I posted is in any way "beating around the bush." Quite the opposite, in fact! It is my way of graciously, redemptively dealing with someone's being a jerk in a worship setting. My response grows out of the very reason I'm there in the first place. I need to stop right there, but I hope you understand what I'm saying here.

Too many people in church music forget why they're there.

cotten