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Old 09-13-2017, 12:35 PM
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Default Lessons from Dad

My Dad graduated this life nearly 20 years ago, yet there are times when I vividly recall the lessons he taught me - sometimes I even picture the scene and "hear" his voice. What lessons from your Dad do you remember?

As I've been working hard to clean up debris from Hurricane Irma, I remembered the time he taught me about tools. I was 16, and was helping him with some little easy task (replacing bridle straps?) on a fine old 9 foot Steinway he was restoring. He asked me to hand him a very piano specific tool, and I remarked on how old it looked. He smiled, and said, "It is, it's one of the first piano tools I ever bought, when I was about your age." "Wow," I replied, it's certainly lasted a long time!" He asked me to sit down, and he stood up. I knew cmething important was coming, and couldn't think of anything I'd done to get in trouble.

"John, there are three kinds of tools:
1) those you'll use just a time or two, and will never need it again. Buy the cheapest of these that gets the job done. Shop carefully! Be frugal! You'll be glad you did.
2) those you'll use a time or two now, but might need again in a few years. Don't buy the cheapest tools for this. Get something a step or two up, and, here's the key, take very good care of it. Make sure before you put it away that it is ready for the next time you need it, even if that's years away.
3) those you'll likely need more frequently, for as long as you do what you're doing. This is where you buy the Best You Can Afford, even if it means waiting until you've saved enough to invest in very high quality. That's what I did with this slingerdapperdoodle (sorry I don't remember what it actually was). I saved for three months to buy this one, but it's lasted me ever since. I clean it and put it back its case every time I use it, and expect that it will long outlive me."

It did, and when he died, we found a young piano technician who was thrilled to receive it and a number of Dad's other tools.

I don't do piano work, but that lesson stayed with me. Out in the yard today, tackling a huge hurricane mess, I was very thankful to have remembered Dad's words, and invested in equipment by Stihl and Honda, the best I could afford, even by saving up for it. It's quality stuff that makes my work today much easier than if I had to keep fiddling with cheap equipment that was not up to the task. Before I put them away, I will take time to clean and prepare them for the next time they're needed, even if it's years from now.

What lessons do you remember from your Dad?

cotten

(Come to think of it, this is how I buy musical instruments and equipment, too!)
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Old 09-13-2017, 01:12 PM
Ozzy the dog Ozzy the dog is offline
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Hi Cotten,

I can certainly relate to your story. The most important thing dad taught me was that if you want something, you have to earn it (something I have passed down to my two sons).

Regarding tools, I always remember dad having a hand operated drill that fascinated me as a small boy. I was mesmerised by the turning gears and see it as the starting point to my interest in engineering and making things. Dad passed four years ago and when mum asked if there was anything I wanted to remember him by, the drill was the thing.

Things I remember him saying: -

If one of us asked for something he would say "Those that ask, don't get"
When someone else jumped in with "I didn't ask dad" he would say, "Those that don't ask, don't want". (He would always follow up with letting us have whatever it was).

Another thing he said that I find myself saying all the time is when he approached an automatic door he would stand in front of it and say "Open, Sez me"

Love him, miss him, never forget him.
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Old 09-13-2017, 02:59 PM
Nyghthawk Nyghthawk is offline
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My dad has been gone since 11/11/2011. Hard to believe it has been six years. On the other hand it seems like forever since I have had him to lean on. He was always there to lend a compassionate ear. He was a university professor and would speak at length given the chance and an attentive audience. I was often that audience.

I guess the lesson that stuck with me was a time when I was in my teens and I had done something truly stupid. he didn't yell, he didn't go ballistic (and he had a right to), he just looked at me and said, "Really? What made you think that was a good idea?" And then he paused and waited for me to answer. I (of course) had nothing. Nada. I never forgot that feeling of letting him down. I was well and thoroughly shamed. He never said a harsh word and never brought it up again.

Another thing; he called me "pal." Like it meant something. I'd give a lot to hear him say that again.
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Old 09-13-2017, 05:00 PM
Silly Moustache Silly Moustache is offline
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My Old Dad clocked out in '85 at age 75 with Alzheimer's.

To many,including me, he was a mean spiteful man, but later from others in my family I leaned why.

He certainly had a philosophy that everything you love is taken away.

When he was six years old he was standing outside his father's office in London - June 1917. When a German bomb dropped through the roof exploding in the office, beheading my grandfather and maiming many of his female staff.

As my grandfather was not legally married to my grandmother (complicatons back in Sweden) my grandmother was homeless and broke. The only answer wasto find another man to take them in.

The "new Father" abused my Dad in ways unknown, so that he left home at age nine and never returned.

His schooling ended and his working life started in 1920 aged nine. He married in 1938 and bought a new house, then as my sister came along - the bombs began to fall.

Nothing came easy for my parents,but he taught me never to borrow or lend (although I know he often "gave" to folks who needed money).

He was a bad enemy but a very good, if demanding friend.

I remember his bravery - His garage, a successful business dealing in cars and trucks, was approached by a protection racket.

He took my Mum, sister and I to the garage late one night when the guys were going to "do him in" for refusing to pay.

He made us stand behind him and opened the big roller blinds.

The gangsters drove up and parked with the lights on - it was like film scene.
My father walked forwards and sad - "OK - do what you want to me whilst my wife and children are watching - see how big and brave you are!" (or something similar) .

They went away and didn't bother him again.

Curiously he was always keen to employ ex-cons -even if they had robbed him.

He did tel me to forget about finding a job I enjoyed, just a regular job that would ensure me a good pension. Looking back, I pretty much did that, and wish I hadn't.
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Old 09-13-2017, 06:28 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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I learned nothing from my father.
He was a horrible father, and a horrible husband to my mother.
My mother should have divorced him early on, but she had battered
woman syndrome, and lost her will to fight back, and never left him.
My father threatened to kill her if she ever divorced him.
He used to abuse her and us three kids as well.
I was quite relieved when he died early at age 69.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:22 PM
GHS GHS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanEagle View Post
I learned nothing from my father.
He was a horrible father, and a horrible husband to my mother.
My mother should have divorced him early on, but she had battered
woman syndrome, and lost her will to fight back, and never left him.
My father threatened to kill her if she ever divorced him.
He used to abuse her and us three kids as well.
I was quite relieved when he died early at age 69.
Probably the most honest post I've ever read on this site. The truth, very hard to find.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanEagle View Post
I learned nothing from my father.
He was a horrible father, and a horrible husband to my mother.
My mother should have divorced him early on, but she had battered
woman syndrome, and lost her will to fight back, and never left him.
My father threatened to kill her if she ever divorced him.
He used to abuse her and us three kids as well.
I was quite relieved when he died early at age 69.
You learned to be nothing like your father, although I'm sure he didn't realize it.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:51 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GHS View Post
Probably the most honest post I've ever read on this site. The truth, very hard to find.
Thank you.
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Old 09-13-2017, 08:08 PM
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Acousticado Acousticado is offline
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..........
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Last edited by Acousticado; 09-13-2017 at 08:13 PM.
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:07 PM
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Jim Owen Jim Owen is offline
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Hi John,

In my office there's a few things that belonged to my dad. Sometimes I'll find his notes scribbled in the margins of books that he passed on to me.

When I was a tyke, my dad took me to his office with me often. He'd set me some task or other while he graded stacks of papers or read his notes. So some of my earliest memories are of offices crammed with books and papers. He shifted offices a lot in his career--so I helped him pack books into boxes when I was a kid. As I got older, I was the one who moved the boxes.

And now some of those books are in my office. I can't count the number of times I've moved them, but I remember packing his office at Stetson in 61 to move to State College (NC State, now).

My dad loved books, and so do I. They get dusty. They weigh a lot, and they take up a lot of space. When I retire (soon), I'll give most of them away. But I'll keep a few even though I know I'll never really "need" them again. Those few I have left with my dad's notes in them I will keep. His copy of Look Homeward Angel and Of Time and the River have been reread many times.

While he didn't live to see me get my doctorate, my mom saved his doctoral robe for me. He bought it in 1956. He wore it to two graduations a year. So have I. But it's getting kind of worn. When I retire, it will, too.

But I'm keeping a few books.

When I see young faculty members bringing sons and daughters to their offices, I take time to talk to the kids and ask them how they're doing, what they're reading. And I tell them about how I used to come to work with my dad.
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanEagle View Post
I learned nothing from my father.
He was a horrible father, and a horrible husband to my mother...
I am sorry to hear that, but appreciate your openness. I had a truly great father, in a humble, unassuming kind of way, but this doesn't mean he was perfect. He wasn't. I learned a few lessons from him about ways I did not want to father my children. Those were valuable lessons, too, but I don't dwell on them. He was too good to let a few relatively minor issues tarnish my memory of him.

I did ask for examples of lessons from Dad, though, and I suspected not all of them would be positive.

cotten
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:15 PM
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...my mom saved his doctoral robe for me. He bought it in 1956. He wore it to two graduations a year. So have I... And I tell them about how I used to come to work with my dad.
Roots! Legacy. Precious memories, how they linger. Thanks, Jimmy, for the smile!

cotten
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:20 PM
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My dad and mom split when I was about 10. We had some form of a relationship over many years. I had worked for him for about 14 years hoping to get a better relationship but he was all about his "new" family. I was pretty much a "key" member of the crew, having skills ranging from backhoe and small dozer operation, form setting and concrete finishing. however I never felt at home. I went to college at night for 7 years, got my degree and found a more suitable environment.

I learned not to abandon my children from him.
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Old 09-13-2017, 11:32 PM
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Wow, the range of responses...this might be the most amazing thread ever...goes to show, as an old Pastor of mine once said, "You never really know who you're talking to."...

My old man (the legendary Big Ed) was bad and good (in that order). He was an abusive drunk to my mom and older siblings before I came along. I witnessed very little of that but can see the scars/remnants in my sisters and brothers...the denials in some and anger in others...heard some very horrific stories from my brothers when he passed away ...he sobered up and, when Mom passed away he started coming around...I believe he truly repented of his past ways and became the most generous person I ever knew...had the pleasure of leading him to the Lord as well (got to co-eulogize him, at his request)...

He was always quick w/a joke and I almost daily think of something he said or would have...

He spent the second half of his life doing everything he could to indulge his kids, and we all came to the point I think everybody wishes he was still around...

's funny...as many times and as many things he said over the years and can't pull a single example out just now...sorry...
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Old 09-14-2017, 03:03 AM
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Don't buy on credit, and if you do pay it of monthly
And don't try to cheat on taxes, but alway get the most you can back

He was big on financial responsibility.
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