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#122
07-21-2014, 06:24 AM
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A guy takes his 10 year old son to a horse auction.
Prior to the bidding, the guy stops at each horse, then proceeds to rub the horse's neck, run his hands up & down the horse's legs, stroke its back, and then pat the horse's rump. The son asks "what are you doing?", to which the guy responds, "I like to know what I'm getting if I'm buying one". The guy notices a confused look on the boy's face and asks, "what's the matter?" The son's quiet for a moment, then says, "I think the UPS man wants to buy Mom." 
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#123
07-21-2014, 12:36 PM
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto were tracking some outlaws that had robbed a bank. They had lost the trail, so Tonto put his ear to the ground to see if he could hear anything. The Lone Ranger asked, "Anything?", to which Tonto replied, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger then asked how he could tell, and Tonto replied, "My ear all sticky."
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#126
07-21-2014, 05:26 PM
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Young Mom catches a bus. As she steps onboard the driver comments,`Wow, lady that`s an ugly baby!` The Mom storms down the back and sits down heavily next to an older woman passenger. The older woman can see the young Mom is visibly upset so she asks, ` Are you OK?` The young Mom snaps, `That driver is the rudest man I`ve ever met. I`d like to go back and give him a piece of my mind!` The older woman replies, `You go girl and here, let me hold your monkey.`
__________________
Brucebubs 1972 - Takamine D-70 2014 - Alvarez ABT60 Baritone 2015 - Kittis RBJ-195 Jumbo 2012 - Dan Dubowski#61 2018 - Rickenbacker 4003 Fireglo 2020 - Gibson Custom Shop Historic 1957 SJ-200 2021 - Epiphone 'IBG' Hummingbird
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#127
07-21-2014, 05:41 PM
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There are some pretty bad jokes on here - not sure I can compete, but here goes anyway.
Did you hear about the new diet for guitar players? It's called the Chet Atkins. You just sort of fingerpick at your food. Did you hear that there is now a 12 step program for folks who talk too much? It's called On and On and On Anon. Did you hear about the couple that didn't know the difference between putty and lubricating jelly? All the windows in their house fell out. Best, jayne
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#128
07-21-2014, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
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#129
07-22-2014, 12:14 AM
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Quote:
 I`m doing my best to bring the absolute worst... if my memory was any better you'd mistake me for Fozzie Bear... (a Muppets reference for the kiddies... wacka wacka wacka!)
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#130
07-22-2014, 07:46 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Emerald Opusx20 acoustic-electric w/Baggs Lyric pickup Martin D12X1AE 12-string Gold Tone AC-6 6-string acoustic-electric banjo
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#131
07-22-2014, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Fred The secret to life is enjoying the passage of time.
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#132
07-22-2014, 03:35 PM
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Why did the man take a ruler to bed? To see how long he slept.
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#133
07-22-2014, 07:48 PM
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Quote:
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#134
07-22-2014, 07:53 PM
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Two girls were discussing their work day at the boardwalk swim shop...
'This heavy set woman came.in today to try on a 2 piece!' 'Oh my God? We don`t have anything larger than size 8 in a bikini!` 'Well.she insisted on size 2! I gave her the set, she walked into the fitting room, and after a few minutes walked out with the bikini on!` `How could she have possibly done that?` `Well, if you take the letter `f` out of the word `weigh,` you`ll get your answer!`
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