If you can't say something nice, don't ....

[ewalling]

So much for spontaneity.

Me, I prefer to shoot from the hip!

[cotten]

This thread got me to thinking about one I had started here about 14 years ago, back when the AGF had a different name and probably fewer than 3,000 members. It's along the same line as this one, but I thought perhaps it might be better in a related but separate thread. "Forum Decorum." http://www.acousticguitarforum.com/f...d.php?t=467785

cotten

[Mr Fingers]

After being booted off this forum twice, I now self-edit or simply do not post in numerous instances. Some of this holding off is clearly good because many people are easily offended and being careful is simply respectful, so I appreciate that lesson. On the other hand, though, we do encounter requests for opinions all the time here -- someone will post a "what do you think about this" or "do you have experience with..." or the like -- and the ACF's very strong push for purely positive comments reduces or eliminates the possibility that someone will say "that's pretty bad because..." But that's the cost of civility, I guess. You lose the hard-to-hear judgments but gain participation and (sometimes excessive) positive reinforcement. My approach to backpacker guitars is to bring a mando or uke instead. A good guitar is too big to pack.

[Mystery123]

Better keep silence than not if you don't have good things to say is the norm.
However, silence is also perceived as agreement so if you have to disagree, you have to say something even if it's not nice.
If someone posts a ridiculous statement, you all are agreeing if you don't say otherwise.

[RP]

Originally Posted by Mystery123

If someone posts a ridiculous statement, you all are agreeing if you don't say otherwise.

Silence is not agreement; it's the absence of either agreement or disagreement. If Gandhi were still alive, I'm certain that he'd have an updated version of his quote, "Speak only if it improves the silence."

[devellis]

I think it is possible to disagree and even to criticize constructively. Part of that is to recognize the difference between opinion and fact. If someone asks about a particular guitar and I've had a bad experience with it, I'll try to focus on why the guitar didn't work for me. Something like a narrow nut, as an example, may drive me crazy but it doesn't mean that a guitar is a bad instrument. Differentiating between a bad instrument and one that isn't suited to my playing style or preferences is an easy distinction to make and can express an honest criticism without painting too broadly. I always appreciate posts that take that approach rather than just being critical without further explanation. I try to emulate that approach when offering a critical perspective.

[ewalling]

I think if we have a thin skin regarding our instruments, entering any guitar forum could well be upsetting at some point because eventually someone is bound to say something unflattering about them. Dressing that criticism up in diplomatic, 'nice' language will make little difference to the impact it might have on us. One poster here who is rightly feted as a treasure-trove of information and a nice guy to boot has repeatedly commented that he thinks Seagull's all-solid wood instruments are disappointing compared with their original part laminates. He doesn't say this brusquely or rudely, but I can imagine that someone with a thin skin might be negatively affected by such a comment and see his/her guitar as lesser than s/he once did. In fact, polite criticism can often be more impactful because it bespeaks a principled and authoritative voice rather than one from a loudmouth ignoramus.

[jpd]

Originally Posted by Rmz76

This is AGF not Pleasantville. There's a difference between being not nice and providing a tactful negative product review. You are entitled to have a negative opinion and to share it. If other people have a strong opposing opinion then allow them to express it without getting into long debates trying to prove you are right (that's when you cross the line and start being not nice). if you can't state an opinion and then show respect to opposing views, in that case it probably is best to not say anything at all

That's what this forum is all about....exchange of ideas-not beliefs

[muscmp]

personal opinions aren't always nice but aren't always bad--just opinions. everybody's got one--and you know what i mean.

play music!

[bitraker]

personal opinions aren't always nice but aren't always bad--just opinions. everybody's got one--and you know what i mean.

++agree



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[woodbox]

It appears this thread has run a good course and I want to tag it by saying "thank you" to those who read and responded with a post.
I read every word.
I especially appreciate the humorous posts, as I mentioned previously.

But I would like to clarify one point--
Members having opinions about the merits of a guitar, or strings, or an arrangement, or whatever is why forums exist in the first place.
So we can discuss things.
But I am not advocating repressing ones ideas or views, pro or con.
If you had a "bad" experience and your guitar got busted, or theres a scammer out there, or someone dunya wrong down by the bay,
lets hear about it!
You can search and see that I am not a fan of Monel Strings, for example.
I dont prefer them.
You can search and see that this brand loyal Martin Guy REALLY likes his Gibson J45, but not so much his J15.
Im not afraid to express an opinion.

I do however advocate good manners.
And to support that, I sometimes need to rein myself in, edit my communcation.
And I was curious if others were more naturally inclined toward "being nice" or if, like me, it required a bit of restraint at times.
That is why I started this thread.
And I got many answers, some of which actually surprised me.

Yesterday, jpd seems to have summed up very nicely the essence of AGF with this comment:

"That's what this forum is all about....exchange of ideas-not beliefs."

Well said..
very well said.