Have you ever been told that you are the problem?

[Gasworker]

I am curious. On this forum members appear to be the victims of people who have problems interacting with others. I havnt read a thread yet that says "I go into group settings and play out of tune just to irritate others".

I have and it wasn't in a music setting and it marked me for life. I was coming out of anesthesia after having my wisdom teeth surgically removed. There was one guy screaming at the top of his lungs "I want another pillow" he was rude and upsetting. I listened as long as I could and finally motioned a nurse over and politely asked if she could shut that guy up. This angel looked down on me and sneered its you!

[TaoMaas]

Of course there's a chance we may be the problem! I know several people who have totally screwed up their lives and not one of them realizes they're the problem. I'm not THAT bad...I don't think...but I think it's natural for people to believe they're fine and it's other people who are the problem. That's just part of self-esteem, isn't it?

[Gasworker]

Maybe? That nurse did a number on me. I kind of wished I had just let the guy scream for his pillow. I would have been easier.

I tell my story all of the time for fear I will forget and repeat. I don't want to be that guy.

[Mr. Jelly]

Only by my wife :-)

[Bob Womack]

I've had the "it's you" experience with a band. Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far way, I was in a band with a bunch of guys who had real potential. Seeing the potential, I pushed them and me to really put in the work to make great music. I did it myself, practicing for hours in order to be the best I could be. After a year of work the band leader called a meeting and said, "We're quitting. It isn't any fun anymore. And the reason is YOU (finger pointed at me)."

It was a life changer.

Oh and incidentally, my wife is told by giggling recovery room nurses that I am the nicest guy they've seen when I'm coming out of anesthesia. "Oh, yes ma'am, I'm trying to wake up. ZZZZZ..."


Bob

[Guitars+gems]

I have to wonder why that nurse didn't just get you another pillow. Anesthesia works on the brain in devious ways; you can't hold people accountable for anything they may do or say while they're waking up. Best practice is to remove all stressors so that the transition to consciousness is as smooth as possible. So if another pillow is wanted, you get another pillow.

But, your story reminds me of something that happened in my house the other week. My husband and I were in bed, I was reading, he was sleeping on his back and snoring away. I'm talking sawing logs. I'm pretty deaf to it while I'm reading and I usually just have him turn on his side when I'm ready to sleep.
Well, he sits up suddenly in bed and says "That cat has to get out! Her snoring is keeping me awake!" Um... the cat wasn't even in the room...

[tbeltrans]

The best way to avoid the situation is to never ask "Who farted?".

Tony

[Brucebubs]

Have you ever been told that you are the problem?

Yes, here on this forum.

[AX17609]

Originally Posted by Bob Womack

I've had the "it's you" experience with a band. Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far way, I was in a band with a bunch of guys who had real potential. Seeing the potential, I pushed them and me to really put in the work to make great music. I did it myself, practicing for hours in order to be the best I could be. After a year of work the band leader called a meeting and said, "We're quitting. It isn't any fun anymore. And the reason is YOU (finger pointed at me)."

It was a life changer.

Bob

This hits too close to home. My version involves me listening to tapes of the band and realizing that the problem was me. I realized that I had no real talent and had to quit. Tough to take, because in my mind I was really good, and my whole personal identity was tied to being a musician. Recordings don't lie.

[Mandobart]

We'll sometimes there is a cognitive impairment. There is a name for it - the Dunning-Kruger effect. I'm not saying it applies to any of us here, but basically its a case where some fail to recognize their own lack of skill, fail to accurately gauge skill in others and are only able to recognize and acknowledge their own lack of skill after they are exposed to training for that skill. In short, being so incompetent you don't even know you're incompetent. I see this sometimes at open mics and song circles, where some seem to believe they are much better than they are, or act in a way not commensurate with their demonstrated ability. I used to think they just had a lot of chutzpa. Could be they just couldn't/didn't recognize their lack of skill.

There is an interesting corollary - individuals with high competency in a skill may underestimate their relative competence and assume that the things that are easy for them are also easy for others. The old "well if I can do this anyone can do it" attitude. I actually see more of this exhibited by good musicians than the reverse by poor musicians.

[FOG01]

Originally Posted by Mr. Jelly

Only by my wife :-)

What he said

Sent from my LGLS990 using Tapatalk

[piper_guitarist]

Yes. When I broke up with my most recent ex-gf because she caught baby fever I was told I was the problem (when I told her a priori I didn't want kids now or ever). Well, she should have known what was coming when she caught that.

[Tyeetime]

Golf doesn't lie.

I always used to think I was better than my score indicated.

"Except for that one lost ball I would have...."
"But for that wayward tee shot..."
"If I would have just laid up..."

I have come to accept that I am the problem.

Golf doesn't lie.

[FLRon]

I used to have a supervisor who had a favorite expression that went like this: "you're either part of the problem or part of the solution, which are you going to be"? I'm like, those are my only options? 😳

[fazool]

My office mate is a management consultant - he refers to this as the "bad breath syndrome"

people don't detect it in themselves.