Not Him Again: Mic Stand

[Dark Eyed Junko]

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[Tyeetime]

Originally Posted by cotten

I don't for a single heartbeat accept that what I posted is in any way "beating around the bush." Quite the opposite, in fact! It is my way of graciously, redemptively dealing with someone's being a jerk in a worship setting. My response grows out of the very reason I'm there in the first place. I need to stop right there, but I hope you understand what I'm saying here.

Too many people in church music forget why they're there.

cotten

Hi Cotton,

No disrespect meant in my post. My first sentence was my alternative to your solution. Not meant to be better or worse, just an alternative.

I left a space for my next line about "beating around the bush." That was meant as a break to reply to all the other solutions proposed.

Sometimes I need to remember what I type doesn't always come across as planned. My sincere apologies if I came across as rude.

[cotten]

Hi Tyeetime, I didn't mean to sound as it I had taken offense, and didn't consider what you wrote as your being rude. I just strongly disagree that what I wrote in response to the OP's question, especially the part about actively praying for the jerk in question, was anything remotely resembling "beating around the bush." The quick, easy, confrontational answer would be the norm in most other settings, I know. I just think that in a church setting we should remember why we're there in the first place, and act accordingly.

I do appreciate your followup explanation, and accept it at face value. No apology needed.

cotten

[Pitar]

Originally Posted by KevWind

Polonius in Act I, Scene 3 of William Shakespeare's Hamlet.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend",


Perhaps your posted frustrations stem from suffering the illusion the place might somehow make the human condition different.

Yep. There's supposed to be a higher order of humanity at work there but...surprise!...peoples are just peoples no matter where they think they're better. Pie and Us. Make mine apple.

[Rudals]

Well, this thread sure helped me deal with the situation much better this week. On the setup side, it was the worst as far as I can remember. On the performance side, the audience seemed lost as was the the guy leading it. I can go on and on. But the real funny thing is that NONE OF IT bothered me. My wife said that I looked my happiest. One thing I wanted to do was do what I wanted to do and not let let negative things get to me. May be it is a small step forward but I was not bothered by anything at all. Also, when I put myself in the other person's shoes, I got the urge to do something to help without offending him.

It was the same story on the road this weekend as well. No outbursts, just be chill and drive.

[Long Jon]

That's really great Rudals, I'm all for a quiet life m'self and (usually) manage to avoid any unnecessary stress, esp concerning the actions of others.

Imagine , an online chat forum that was actually helpful , who'd a thunk it ?!

[frazervalley]

I have seen several threads like this in the past couple of years (my experience with the forum) where members make suggestions and provide guidance with the goal of assisting another. It demonstrates the positive community spirit of this forum.

[cotten]

Great news, rudals! Good for you. Hope it continues. Thanks for the followup. Long Jon, there have been two or three replies here on the AGF over the years that I suspected might have proven helpful.

cotten

[Long Jon]

Originally Posted by cotten

Great news, rudals! Good for you. Hope it continues. Thanks for the followup.

Long Jon, there have been two or three replies here on the AGF over the years that I suspected might have proven helpful.

cotten

Oh yeah, I wasn't being sarcastic Cotten. This is a great community.

Helped me get over my stupid, long standing, and totally irrational "never spend more than you can afford on a guitar" prejudice for one thing !

[KevWind]

rudals .....

[Rudals]

Thank you to EACH ONE OF YOU for your advice(s). I am glad that I was able to apply it right away. My wife also mentioned that my driving was very good this past weekend. I let all the crazy things happen in front of us but I just focused on not letting anything affect me. My wife must think I am enrolled in an anger management class.

[frankhond]

A very long thread with lots of good philosophy and psychology. But nobody yet mentioned the obvious way to handle these kind of situations, here and everywhere.

Him: I need your mic stand NOW because blah blah.
You (with a kind and gentle compassionate smile): Sorry no, that's not possible.
Him: Blah blah blah.
You (with a kind and gentle compassionate smile): Sorry no, it's not possible.
Him: etc etc.
You (with a kind and gentle compassionate smile): Sorry no, it's not possible.

If you feel generous you could insert something about you coming on right now and the mic stand mic's up your guitar, but this is optional.

He might get upset at that very moment, but it will pass, because the anger is connected to a "no" and he is in a hurry and will soon forget the injury.

You might feel a very short moment of irritation but you are simply stating the obvious and will soon forget the whole thing.

OTOH What you did was allow him to walk all over your integrity so you were angry and are still angry. Then, later, you chewed him out, which hurt his ego and made him feel stupid because he didn't realize he walked all over you (or he knew he did but hoped you were too timid to bring it up).

Whether the mic is yours or not is irrelevant. You are about to do your job, it's all set up and he has no right to mess with it. Unless you let him.

I've been in countless situations like this, and trust me, this is the easiest, most productive and least aggressive way.

You can still mentor him, pray for him and try to be friends with him. Doesn't matter, when you are about to play, the mic is set up and nobody messes with it. Cultivate an attitude of a friendly, compassionate rock that will not be budged.

[M Hayden]

Frankhond has it right.

>Urgent request bc unprepared.
Response: "No"
>More urgent request
Response: "No"
repeat as needed.

You'll find that this tends to get people to up their game or get out of the pool. Works at open mics, too.

[fumei]

I am going to have to concur. Being able to say "No" without rancor, or meanness, or having to overly explain (or explain at all) is a difficult thing for a lot of folks. But it is a very useful ability. For both sides.

[cotten]

Originally Posted by frankhond

...the obvious way to handle these kind of situations, here and everywhere... Cultivate an attitude of a friendly, compassionate rock that will not be budged.

In practically every other situation, I would agree with this instantly. In this case, I cannot. Worship is about to start. There is no time at time moment for any other option. In order to lead, the leader needs my mic. The reason, at that moment, is immaterial. If I am unwilling to sacrifice my pride, my preparation, and my mic, and insist that I'm the one who's right here, which in fact I am, I would not be surprised in being removed from the team afterward.

First things first, and at that moment the first thing is that worship begins unhindered. I know. This is VERY different from other musical endeavors.

It's not unlike a lot of team sports, however. Imagine a quarterback needing to borrow my chinstrap so he might attempt to score a winning touchdown in the last 3 seconds of the game. I already have mine. He shouldn't have lost his. If I choose to be a compassionate rock that will not be budged... See what I mean? Self sacrifice is sometimes common to both worship music and team sports.

cotten