What's up with people who can't interact with other people?

[Gmountain]

In the last few days I've read threads from people who say they are too shy yo go into a store, too shy to go into a post office, to shy to talk to anyone. What's the deal with that? How can people get to the point in life when they are buying guitars and not be able to function normally in society?

Is it a result of people thinking the internet is real life? People thinking they should never have to hear someone say something they don't like? How are they going to function in society? How will they get a job?

[dkstott]

I don't get it & it's not just the typical millennial's that seem to be adverse to face to face encounters these days.

Could it be a result of nasty trolls in social media and the overall anger that seems to be prevailing in our culture?

IMHO - The anger started long before the current political condition.

A simple discussion on a topic with differing opinions doesn't seem to be possible these days without it erupting into a fight.

[amyFB]

I think we have no way to truly know what is going on in the minds of those around us.

None of us has the exact same set of early childhood influences that drives our adult dreams hopes and fears.

That said, I think the OP describes a behavior that is rooted in fear of the unknown.

The best solution for overcoming fears of unknowns is education.

Do the work to investigate and understand more about what makes you afraid. Find and try the things that others do to get around or eliminate those fears.

Be afraid of real danger; educate yourself to know how to identify real danger from imagined problems.



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[LarryVe]

With the invention of the smartphone, sophisticated gaming, and being able to do almost everything online without leaving the house, I think it has bred a society of people who do not know how to communicate with other people and prefer to stay indoors if given the option.

It's like talking to someone will eventually be a skill that people are taught in school.

[buddyhu]

Originally Posted by amyFB

I think we have no way to truly know what is going on in the minds of those around us.
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Yep.

I am also thinking that their may be several different "types" of people who withdrawal from social situations. Some are genuinely fearful (agoraphobics, etc), some who withdraw as a defense against experiencing inner difficulties (such as avoiding social situation in order to avoid feeling awkward and deficient, which might trigger a round of self-criticism and self-hatred), some who have other psychiatric conditions that tend to result in withdrawal (depression would be a common one, schizophrenia would be a less common one), some folks who withdraw related to an addiction problem, and even some essentially normal people who prefer isolation (folks that, in days past, might have been hunters, or wilderness guides, or who worked on small farms, or who might have been "cowboys").

I don't think the internet is causing such interpersonal styles...I think it just provides a venue for us to be aware of such people (whereas, in the past, it might have been hard to know about more than one or two such people in one's own community).

It seems like you (OP) have lots of questions about these people. What's up with that? Why are you so interested in people you don't know? Why are you wasting time posting about things and people that don't effect you? Yes, I am teasing you here ...hopefully to elicit your curiosity about your own reactions to people who are different in the way you have described. I hope you take my teasing well...if not, please disregard it.

I am OK with folks not being socially comfortable with their fellow humans, and I just hope it doesn't cause them a lot of discomfort. Everybody has their own "optimal distance" in relationships, and we usually hang out with people who have a similar "set point" in terms of how close they want to be with others (and some people prefer the company of cats or dogs or birds or iguanas or...). I trust that extremely shy people find a place for themselves, and find a way to sustain themselves.

[Silly Moustache]

There is a very real condition called "agoraphobia" (lit: fear of the market) which affects many for different reasons - often those who don't interact as much as others - those who live alone etc.

We are not all "social animals" - and some are happy to be isolationist, and for others it is a major problem.

Modern online facilities can enable people to survive without face to face contact and I'm sure that you have a point that it doesn't actually help.

Daily, I see young mothers with small children ambling down the road with their attention on their devices and NOT on their children. This can't be right.

[imwjl]

Hmm.... I thought about this last night.

My wife is a tremendous teacher who can stand in front of many and do her job. When we first met she said one of her times living with cousins in Europe she took one of those jobs where cute women work trade shows. That said, she comes off a shy, dislikes politics, dislikes dealing with coworkers etc...

One of my 3 kids struggles to interact with others while one is perfectly comfy in front of a crowd, camera or with a mic in hand.

At a local hearing and city council committee meeting yesterday it dawned on me that two people many consider a complete ____s probably are not bad as much as they just can't be comfortable with others when there are any differing opinions. Now after some years of observation I see they can only act decent or civil among like minded thinkers where at that hearing it was so interesting to see how some can interact with anyone even if they don't agree.

That politics, my wife and my kids have me thinking how much we're just wired differently. For me it took a lot of aging and self-improvement to have my role as head of a group that deals with the public and I sit with board members who're naturals.

[MikeBodd]

I personally think it's the internet and "fake worlds" That people live in. My wife and I regularly go out to eat, and almost 90% of the time there is a couple of a family who after ordering a meal, do not talk to each other, but are on their tablet or smart phone. One of us takes a phone with us, and leaves it on the table in case the sitter needs to contact us. Of course this is a generalisation, as each person is wired differently. But I think the "incorrect and overuse" on technology is to blame.

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[cmd612]

Originally Posted by buddyhu

I don't think the internet is causing such interpersonal styles...I think it just provides a venue for us to be aware of such people (whereas, in the past, it might have been hard to know about more than one or two such people in one's own community).

This.

Extremely shy people have always been around. The internet may give some of them a way to interact with people that they wouldn't have had before, which is why they're more visible to everyone else now.

wikipedia has some interesting information on social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, as it was called up until about 20 years ago:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder

[BrunoBlack]

Originally Posted by imwjl

we're just wired differently...

This is what I think. ^^^^^^ I don't believe (but I do not know) that baselines are any different now than they ever were. I don't recognize much that has changed among personality types in the population during my 65 years on the planet. What makes some people arrogant and all-knowing beyond what's realistic and other (otherwise gifted) people shy from interaction? We're just different.

[AX17609]

Although I'm perfectly comfortable on stage performing, I am shy to the point of social anxiety. I'm never more alone than when I'm in a room of people all looking for someone more interesting to talk to. The internet gives me a way to interact with people that I wouldn't otherwise know. It's not always very successful, but it's all I've got.

[MikeBmusic]

Bruce Willis movie - 'Surrogates' I think is the name.

[RP]

I understand the OP's point but believe that the word "shy" to refer to those who have severe social phobias unfairly minimizes their very real fears and anxiety. When I first met children with autism in 1970, the frequency was thought to be about 4-5 in 10,000. Now according to most sources, the incidence of autism has increased markedly as well as ADHD and many other social/mental issues. My point is that those with severe social phobias in the past were probably not part of mainstream society in any way, shape or form whereas computers and the internet now allow folks with severe social phobias to acquire various levels of education, be employed, and interact with others. I believe that's a good thing and not a crutch....

[catdaddy]

The OP referenced shyness. As others have stated not everyone is wired the same. The Introvert-Extrovert spectrum manifests as a bell-shaped curve. Most folks have some mix of both personality/behavioral types but there are people at the extreme ends.

In a society the extreme introvert is often viewed by others as dysfunctional. That is of course a subjective judgement based mostly on the opinions of those who are wired differently. If a shy person feels unhappy as a result of their extreme shyness then perhaps professional help should be sought, but not every introvert feels that their behavior requires fixing. Some cope happily and successfully.

As buddyhu insightfully suggested perhaps examining our own motives and views when observing the behavior of others could be helpful and maybe even revelatory.

[chicfarmer1]

Social media are used by all kinds of people, not only those who are interpersonally adept. I know brilliant people who function very well in their work life who nevertheless are socially phobic. I also know average-ability people who aren't comfortable with others. It's not that uncommon, and it's not that the internet itself created the deficit--it just makes visible the reality that people have vastly different life experiences and problems.