When to give up?

You need a mission, a project. Everyone has to find their own way. Home recording? Open Mic? Weekend jam session? Join a band? Back porch pickin? Nursing home singalongs? Children's unit at hospital? Veteran's Hospital? Teach kids guitar lessons for free (or a charge)? Learn a new instrument? Jam with Clapton on Youtube? Something that seems worthwhile to you. Or take a break??

[harmonics101]

Originally Posted by UncleJoe

/\ /\ This!! /\ /\

When I started playing again after an 18 year hiatus, I felt stagnant. I decided to take lessons to finally learn my scales. The love for making music was reborn.

He already tried lessons - apparently, it didn't work ,

H

[dawhealer]

Originally Posted by garthjmoore

But I am serious when I say that I'm terrible when I play with other people, still don't know a lot of songs, and have terrible technique. Once in awhile, I feel OK when I play. Often, it's just frustrating. I don't expect to be onstage anytime ever, just even playing for myself is frustrating.

Very, very frustrating....

So, how focused are you? To know a lot of songs (what's a lot, by the way?) you have to work on a lot of songs and you have to do it, well, a lot. And you have to be focused.

I started playing guitar in 1959 when I was 8 years old. I think I should be a heck of a lot better than I am for playing that long. I enjoy playing, though, and that's what's important to me.

I stopped comparing myself and my progress to other players a long time ago and that helped me stop being so hard on myself. One of the biggest mistakes we make as musicians is comparing ourselves to world class players and then getting bummed when we can't accomplish what they do. Most of us are just average. That's OK. Bloody few of us are world class. That's OK, too. The world class guys show us what CAN be done with the right amount of persistence and natural ability. We can strive for that and, sometimes, get pretty close, but that's all we're going to get: close. And THAT'S OK.

Thirty-three years is a long time to be playing. You probably know more than you realize. Relax, focus, enjoy, and quit beating yourself up.

[Csteyer]

I think the OP needs to pare down on models and styles and concentrate on one thing..... What is it that you want to play and or express on guitar? Once you've answered that then run after it at full force.

[guitarsrawesome]

I've been a tennis coach for a big part of my life, and like guitar, it's just plain hard, one of the hardest games there is, especially to do it well.

I've been playing the game for 30 years now, and I still have to constantly work to improve, heck, just to maintain. And you know what? I'm still below average if I compare myself to other coaches/players in town who have played as much as I have.

Guitar, like tennis, at least at the highest levels (read Tommy Emmanuel), is hard, nearly impossible. Not only do you need talent, but relentless almost maniacal commitment to the craft.

Only a handful of people in the world can play guitar like Tommy Emmanuel (or tennis like Roger Federer).

I heard Mark Knopfler once humbly say that he doesn't think he's very good, saying so after playing with Chet Atkins and other extraordinary guitarists. He literally said that other musicians he plays with cut him slack for his lack of ability because he's the songwriter.

Mark Knopfler was once voted 27th best guitarist in the world.

I'm making the same point as dawhealer and I love what he said, that if any of us compare ourselves to anyone else at anything, we will always find someone better, probably A LOT better, but we don't do what we do to be better than others, we play guitar (or tennis) because

a) it's fun, rewarding, enjoyable, etc.

b) it's challenging (so much so that any incremental progress is cause for celebration), and

c) it's a way to grow OVER THE LONG TERM, because the growth comes over long periods of time, rather than instantly.

One problem with tennis or guitar is that bad habits can be formed which when continuously repeated can make true progress hard to correct. Finding a good instructor to help guide you was also suggested and I agree that it could help your progress by showing you best practices.

Also, not underestimating the amount of time needed to acquire new skills is important, too. (Man, I'm rambling.)

I'll conclude by saying that I agree with others who have said that if guitar has stopped being fun, there are many other pursuits in life than can and will be fun from which you can still grow.

I've felt what you feel many times, especially after seeing people shred their guitars and sing way better than me, but I always return because I'm not playing/singing to compete with them, but to make my own music. And there's not much else in life better than creating music, except maybe hitting an on the run cross court forehand winner. Nah, music is better.

[Captaincranky]

Originally Posted by harmonics101

Go yell at the children walking on your lawn ,

H

Dude, my microwave just blew up, Firefox crashed so bad it rotated my screen display 90 degrees, and I don't have a lawn. Can I come over and yell at the children playing on yours? Um...., please.

(And as I live and breath, I swear all that really just happened. Scouts honor).

[sbpark]

I went through something similar. I have always loved music since I was a kid and have been playing guitar since my teens. I got a degree in Recording Arts and worked at a few studios in NYC as a runner, then a second engineer, and later on as a studio manager and facilities manager. I didn't care for the lifestyle or living in New York, so I quit and went west to the mountains because I also love the outdoors. After docking around for a few years working as a tour guide, in outdoor retail and as a bike messenger I ended up going to nursing school! (and I'm still working as a nurse and have been for the last 10 years now.)

After quitting the music business I felt like I gave up on my dreams and let myself down. For several years I quit playing, sold all my gear (except for one acoustic I still have), and just wanted no part in it. After a while the music bug started creeping back in, and I started playing again and in the last year started writing my own stuff, getting together for a few jams with people and starting my own project, and even started taking singing lessons. For me I realized that even though I didn't like doing it as a career, I needed it in my life to help with balance. It's a major stress reliever for me, is super fun and a much better way to spend my free time instead of going to the bars, sitting around doing nothing, watching TV, etc. The only problem I have now is deciding if I should go hiking, camping, mountain biking, or play music. Lately though, music has been winning more often than not!

If you need a break from it all to figure things out, then by all means go for it, but giving up simply because you can't do it as a career, and if it's something you still enjoy to do as a hobby would be a shame.

[Dreadfulnaught]

I have been playing since I was a child, had a brief period in the 70s when I had a manager and was shopping for a record contract. I was 19. I met many people on their way up and on their way down. I interviewed as a replacement member for one of the most highly regarded blues bands of the time, probably hecause I was a dead ringer for a deceased member. I think they decided I was too young, fortunately the older musicians shielded me from the worst aspects of the music life and I never developed bad habits.
I was booked at a huge outdoor festival, to open for The Eagles and Aerosmith, among many others. The project fell apart and never happened, I decided it was never to be, and have had a good career as a civil engineer. I did not play for years, decided that I am not happy unless I am playing. Now I play in church and at open mikes. I have seen people with incredible ability who never were heard of, and have also seen others whow were 1/3 as good as me make it. Don't give up, just find a place to play, and play. A lot of luck is involved, and neither of us has had any. It could be worse, I have a friend who plays guitar terribly, sings like he is passing a kidney stone, and he is a nice guy so no one has the heart to tell him how awful he sounds.

I try not to look back, but Rusty Young, if you read this and need a replacement member for Poco, send me a PM. I am going to retire soon and could travel. I think I'd fit and I still have no bad habits!

[harmonics101]

Originally Posted by Captaincranky

Dude, my microwave just blew up, Firefox crashed so bad it rotated my screen display 90 degrees, and I don't have a lawn. Can I come over and yell at the children playing on yours? Um...., please.

(And as I live and breath, I swear all that really just happened. Scouts honor).

Don't know if you caught my sarcasm ,

H

[The Bard Rocks]

Two questions:
1) Do you enjoy playing?
2) Do you feel better after you play?

A "yes" answer to either means you should not just hang it up but keep at it. I find gains tend to come in plateaus, whether it's music, sports or art and the better you get at it the longer those plateaus are.

Another question, what do others think of your playing? Sometimes the audience is a more appreciative of what we do than we are ourselves. Other times, the opposite, especially when ego is involved.

My suggestion - if you decide to quit - is to hang on to that guitar for another year or more. I would hate to hear that you regretted selling it and if you change your mind, it will be there for you. You have quit bo=efore and come back to it later. All that is assuming you don't need the money.

[D35burst]

Originally Posted by Captaincranky

My speculation is being emotionally needy. But, pay me no mind, many people think my screen name negates any validity my opinion might carry...

You certainly don't lack for opinions...

[Jimbolaya]

Frustrating? Of course it's frustrating. It's the darn guitar. If it was easy, everyone would play it. I feel your pain. Wish I was way better at playing then I currently am. But we keep trying and working at it. Enjoy your success and acknowledge your triumphs.

Try finding a teacher that offers what you need. Actual songs to learn And not just technique.

Or try a different hobby. Beer, pizza. And football is pretty easy. Unless you are a browns fan.

[Captaincranky]

Originally Posted by D35burst

You certainly don't lack for opinions...

Nor have I ever claimed to.

When confronted with a topic such as this, a plea for help, the typical and predictable human response is to extend a hand to the crestfallen member of the herd, and buoy him up.

My position is, that response is predictable, and hence can be elicited, by careful manipulation of the topic. "Poor me", "woe is me", "I'm lost in a sea of indecision", "I'll never reach my goals, "I've failed at the one thing that mattered to me", ad nauseum.

I prefer to casually mention that I have a few personality traits that could be construed as sociopathic, and hence care a lot about me, and virtually nothing about you.

It's really hard to determine the motivation for starting a topic such as this, but quite frankly,it could easily be a psychology experiment. Something akin to playing a fiddle, just to see how many people will dance to it.

Bottom line, I think this is a troll topic, and I wasn't joking about being a sociopath.

So, if the TS were to jump up and scream, forget you Cranky, I'm not quitting simply to spite you, then my psychological principles, or tactics, if you will, are just as effective as an outpouring of sympathy.

This is an analog of yelling "jump" to someone standing on a ledge. If the person is not attuned to following orders, or doesn't feel disposed to surrender his life on someone else's say so, you have possibly saved it.

[Guilty Spark]

Originally Posted by Captaincranky

So, if the TS were to jump up and scream, forget you Cranky, I'm not quitting simply to spite you, then my psychological principles, or tactics, if you will, are just as effective as an outpouring of sympathy.

I think the term you're looking for is "reverse psychology".......

[jeanray1113]

Originally Posted by garthjmoore

Hi everyone,

I have been playing (or trying to play) guitar for 33 years.

I tried from 11-14, then switched to bass. I was decent at bass for four years, worked hard at it. But,after recording a cheap demo and filling out a few forms to go to Berkeley School of Music, I threw away my music school application and went to college instead to major in journalism, ending that dream. And yes, I think about it often.

Since then, I have started and stopped, switched instruments, tried lessons, tried several models and styles (Gypsy jazz, fingerstyle, rock, now classical). I know I'll never make a living at it now, but I think I may not even be that good. I know very few songs and just seem to noodle endlessly without getting anywhere.

At what point do I just give it and move on? Maybe I should just end it and find another hobby that doesn't involve so much emotional pain?

Thanks.

My question is, do you enjoy it? A lot of us(probably most of us on this forum) do not make our living with music. On this forum, every level of player, from total beginner to professional are represented. I would guess most are somewhere in between. There are those who playing strictly for their own enjoyment, some for family and friends, in church, open mics, etc. A few do it professionally. My point is, why should you quit for any reason other than that you really don't enjoy it? If you do, that alone is reason enough. The work ethic of our society, along with the commonly held belief that only that which we can get paid for is of any true value, has sadly crept even into those things that we call "hobbies" -- activities that, by definition, are supposed to be [I]fun[I]. I suspect this is where the "emotional pain" of this hobby comes in. My friend, fun and play are important! They are important for mental health. I am a psychotherapist and I have seen far too many adults who have forgot how to simply enjoy doing something for it's one sake, without any extrinsic reward. It is perfectly okay to continue to play, however and where ever you choose to do so. If you just don't like playing guitar, there's no reason to continue to do it. But if it is something you truly enjoy, there's no good reason to quit.