What's up with people who can't interact with other people?

[Kerbie]

It would be nice if we can continue this conversation without aiming comments and insults at each other.

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by Gmountain

In the last few days I've read threads from people who say they are too shy yo go into a store, too shy to go into a post office, to shy to talk to anyone. What's the deal with that? How can people get to the point in life when they are buying guitars and not be able to function normally in society?

Is it a result of people thinking the internet is real life? People thinking they should never have to hear someone say something they don't like? How are they going to function in society? How will they get a job?

I don't buy guitars - at least not as often as some of the obsessive people here (as my wife would put it.) Does that make me a freak?

As for the issue at hand, mental illness has many forms. Some people have agoraphobia. Some suffer from PTSD and cannot handle any sort of pressure because their fight or flight response now has a hair trigger. There is also a higher prevalence of autism spectrum disorder, which is often misunderstood but often involves a subdiagnosis of sensory processing disorder where the nervous system is overactive and the brain of many is still too immature to properly interpret or react to things going around them. A lot of people also suffer depression or bipolar disorder and have trouble even getting out of bed in the morning because they're stuck in a feedback loop of self judgment and deprecation.

I'm more concerned about the people who think that everyone else is inferior to them. That could be construed as mental illness too, you know.

Getting into why such people would be able to go buy guitars, the answer should be obvious: music is therapeutic and playing it rewires your brain. Sure, many are probably paying too much for what they're buying - but that's why we're here, right?

[jdmulli]

Originally Posted by Gmountain

I don't know. Every little thing has a name and a diagnosis these days.

Labeling something doesn't diminish the impact that it (mental illness, in the case) can have on you or someone you love.

As someone who suffers from anxiety/depression, I've seem many smirks and heard my share of "get over it comments" when I express my desire to not be around large groups of people for extended periods of time.

[Pitar]

I'm a natural born recluse. Much about people I see as excess to my needs for companionship and camaraderie, neither of which I ascribe to, and there isn't an obligation on humanity to herd itself. The omni-socio aspects of society were essential when that alone was a method of survival and building strength in numbers but these days individuality is the changing demographic.

Shyness is but another way of saying a person wants nothing to do with obliging some archaic sense of community.

Those who have a problem with people who do not herd never think of themselves as a part of that problem. They, instead, think of themselves as normal and that, in and of itself, is a repulsive self-aggrandizing trait I tend to avoid and if necessary shut out. Groups tend to cloister and pressure their surrounds with special interests that, in and of itself, is divisive to the greater whole. But, they don't see that because they can't.

I'll give you one on-topic example in the genre of country music. I might be able to carry a tune in a wet paper sack but it won't sound like country, ever, and I'm not alone. But, that genre is a group unto itself dividing itself away from the whole of music. Same holds for other genres and their aficionados.

With regard to public self-expression, some see music as a very private thing. It's no ones business and they keep it that way. Others think the minute two chords are learned they become instant entertainers by mere musical instrument association. I have no idea how they would arrive at that conclusion. Playing a musical instrument and being an entertainer I never knew were analogous but evidently some people don't see a distinction.

[RP]

Originally Posted by jdmulli

Labeling something doesn't diminish the impact that it (mental illness, in the case) can have on you or someone you love.

As someone who suffers from anxiety/depression, I've seem many smirks and heard my share of "get over it comments" when I express my desire to not be around large groups of people for extended periods of time.

Mental health issues suffer from being not apparent as opposed to deafness, blindness, and cerebral palsy to name just a few...

[blue]

Originally Posted by jdmulli

Labeling something doesn't diminish the impact that it (mental illness, in the case) can have on you or someone you love.

As someone who suffers from anxiety/depression, I've seem many smirks and heard my share of "get over it comments" when I express my desire to not be around large groups of people for extended periods of time.

Yeah. The "get over it" thing is of amazing. Considering how long we've been shipping our young people overseas to be damaged, I would think at this point just about everyone is related to, or is close to someone with pretty significant anxiety or depression or worse. Yet "get over it" still persists.

[blue]

Originally Posted by RP

Mental health issues suffer from being not apparent as opposed to deafness, blindness, and cerebral palsy to name just a few...

Not to mention when it IS obviously apparent, it raises the stigma for those with "invisible" conditions. Like it or not only those who regularly work with the severely mentally ill are comfortable around folks who really behave differently.

We are simple beasts. Much like dogs, we like consistency.

[RP]

Originally Posted by blue

Not to mention when it IS obviously apparent, it raises the stigma for those with "invisible" conditions. Like it or not only those who regularly work with the severely mentally ill are comfortable around folks who really behave differently.

I swim 4-5 days per week at an athletic club, and almost every day see a very tall (6'3" or taller) young man who spends hours walking throughout various areas of the club. He gestures with his hands and talks to himself in the manner of many patients with schizophrenia with whom I interacted during a 30+ year career. The interesting thing is that nobody seems to pay a bit of attention to him as he makes his rounds throughout the club although I've seen various people interacting with him when he appears to take a break...

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by blue

Yeah. The "get over it" thing is of amazing. Considering how long we've been shipping our young people overseas to be damaged, I would think at this point just about everyone is related to, or is close to someone with pretty significant anxiety or depression or worse. Yet "get over it" still persists.

As the parent of an autistic child I cannot help but be triggered every time I hear somebody of my parents' generation saying thoughtless placations like "oh, he'll grow out of it" or when they get older say callous things like "what are you going to do about him?" I think it should acceptable to just tell Archie Bunkers like that to shut up. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

[blue]

Originally Posted by Neil K Walk

As the parent of an autistic child I cannot help but be triggered every time I hear somebody of my parents' generation saying thoughtless placations like "oh, he'll grow out of it" or when they get older say callous things like "what are you going to do about him?" I think it should acceptable to just tell Archie Bunkers like that to shut up. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Both of my kids are high function Asperger. Up to the age of about 11, I had to remind my Wife regularly that "No. "He's just going to have to learn" isn't going to happen". She has finally accepted things like the fact that Grandma is the one who "is going to have to learn" to not give him a hug with a crazy squeeze at the end.

[blue]

Originally Posted by RP

I swim 4-5 days per week at an athletic club, and almost every day see a very tall (6'3" or taller) young man who spends hours walking throughout various areas of the club. He gestures with his hands and talks to himself in the manner of many patients with schizophrenia with whom I interacted during a 30+ year career. The interesting thing is that nobody seems to pay a bit of attention to him as he makes his rounds throughout the club although I've seen various people interacting with him when he appears to take a break...

That's great that the place isn't flooded with complaints and requests to "have him removed". Sounds like he has place where he can be a part of the community. On his terms.

[Napman41]

I think the correct question is - What's up with people who can't empathize with other people ? Is it really that hard to just accept people just as they are ?

[amyFB]

Originally Posted by Napman41

I think the correct question is - What's up with people who can't empathize with other people ? Is it really that hard to just accept people just as they are ?

Great alternative question.

I think it's obvious that it IS hard to accept that people are different from one another.

Clearly , to me anyhow, is the suspicion that there is a fear of something related to being different.

I get that there is perceived to be safety in numbers. But I will point out that lemmings are an example of how that isn't always in our best interests.

Maybe more insightful to hear responses that explain why it is important that people behave the same as one another. Or how to determine which things are critical for being the same and which are allowed to be individual.





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[RP]

Originally Posted by blue

That's great that the place isn't flooded with complaints and requests to "have him removed". Sounds like he has place where he can be a part of the community. On his terms.

Charlottesville is that kind of place which, despite high housing costs, is sometimes referred to as the Peoples Republic of Charlottesville....

[buddyhu]

Originally Posted by Napman41

I think the correct question is - What's up with people who can't empathize with other people ? Is it really that hard to just accept people just as they are ?

As others have noted, some folks DO have trouble accepting people as they are. This is particularly true of people who are stuck in a "black or white" view of the world...because they see two types of people: "normal" and "abnormal". As a result, all "abnormal" people get a similar response: aversion, which then spawns secondary reactions (most of which involve some psychological or physical distancing) such as criticism, impatience, annoyance, rejection, avoidance, etc., etc.

Like many things, experience and education (in this case, education regarding psychology and psychiatric conditions) tends to help us see others in a more nuanced (and, in many cases, a more compassionate) way.