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  #16  
Old 07-25-2017, 07:06 PM
architype architype is offline
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Bring some tasty dog treats and keep feeding him until he loves you.
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  #17  
Old 07-25-2017, 07:38 PM
jpd jpd is offline
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Exclamation Beware....be very aware

Quote:
Originally Posted by LindaW View Post
Because they think "he only nips" and he's "just afraid". They are not dealing with the reality of the situation. The good news is he's only about 15-20 pounds so his damage is limited. But still.
When I was a mailman- in my younger days-, I had a "killer Chihuahua" latch on to my ankle while I was walking up to a house mailbox. It was maybe all of 3 pounds, but those teeth didn't need any weight behind them. Even the official can of govt. supplied mace didn't help! Take nothing for granted with your parents' mutt!
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  #18  
Old 07-25-2017, 08:15 PM
MrDB MrDB is offline
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2 courses of action both will get the job done.

1 As someone else said bring treats and feed him some, he will warm up to you if you show no fear.

2 Walk in, grab him by the back of the neck and shake him while staring him down.

Either method will work.

Last edited by Kerbie; 07-26-2017 at 04:03 PM. Reason: Removed masked profanity
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  #19  
Old 07-25-2017, 09:58 PM
The Bard Rocks The Bard Rocks is offline
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You are in a tough place. The advice given so far has been well-intentioned but is all over the place. My first reaction would be to say something brutal like feed him a Wayfarin-laced steak or something of that sort, but I'd never be able to do that no matter how much he deserved that steak. The kernal of truth is that some dogs can be won over by special food.

My bet is that he won't, though it might be worth a try to get several 2" squares of steak and flip him one from time to time.

There is nothing wrong with being scared of a dangerous dog, but there is something wrong with refusing to recognize the danger he presents. Anyone with an estate cannot afford to keep a dog like that. My bet is that your folks will not change on this, but it is is a me-or-that-dog kind of situation, and you really mean it, maybe they will face the situation as it is.

If you give them a "me or the dog" ultimatum, be sure you are prepared to do exactly what you say and be sure they fully understand that you will do it. Any other way won't work, no matter how much everyone wants it to.

Another alternative is to meet them (dog free) in a neutral spot.

My oldest daughter recently had a gentle dog that she truly loved whose disposition had begun to change to viciousness. She faced what she had to do and put her away. Afterward, we did some reading and discovered the change in personality was likely from meds given for Lyme disease. there could be a medical reason for your parent's dog acting like it does. Not likely,; but may be worthy of investigation.

Hats off to your sister. She has a hard job and seems to be doing the right thing.
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  #20  
Old 07-26-2017, 05:56 AM
sayheyjeff sayheyjeff is offline
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Linda

Sorry to see you find yourself in these difficult straits. I don't have any real knowledge of dealing with dogs and there are obviously far more knowledgeable folks on dogs than me. Just wanted to say from my experience that the challenges of eldercare are great, unique, and often incredibly frustrating. I am sure you are going to find ways to deal with the frustrations (at least most of the time). best of luck with all of it.

Jeff
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  #21  
Old 07-26-2017, 11:13 AM
LindaW LindaW is offline
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Originally Posted by architype View Post
Bring some tasty dog treats and keep feeding him until he loves you.

With a muzzle? Yes
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  #22  
Old 07-26-2017, 11:15 AM
LindaW LindaW is offline
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Originally Posted by sayheyjeff2 View Post
Linda

Sorry to see you find yourself in these difficult straits. I don't have any real knowledge of dealing with dogs and there are obviously far more knowledgeable folks on dogs than me. Just wanted to say from my experience that the challenges of eldercare are great, unique, and often incredibly frustrating. I am sure you are going to find ways to deal with the frustrations (at least most of the time). best of luck with all of it.

Jeff
Thank you. The hardest part is the tough love when someone isn't thinking with their full mental capacity. You know you have to do X for their's - and other's safety - but one parent perceives it as unwanted interference, not realizing how unsafe the situation is.

As I said, happy my sister is willing to help but also VERY concerned about her. Burnout is high. I cannot abandon her.
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  #23  
Old 07-26-2017, 11:26 AM
LindaW LindaW is offline
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Originally Posted by The Bard Rocks View Post
You are in a tough place. The advice given so far has been well-intentioned but is all over the place. My first reaction would be to say something brutal like feed him a Wayfarin-laced steak or something of that sort, but I'd never be able to do that no matter how much he deserved that steak. The kernal of truth is that some dogs can be won over by special food.

My bet is that he won't, though it might be worth a try to get several 2" squares of steak and flip him one from time to time.

There is nothing wrong with being scared of a dangerous dog, but there is something wrong with refusing to recognize the danger he presents. Anyone with an estate cannot afford to keep a dog like that. My bet is that your folks will not change on this, but it is is a me-or-that-dog kind of situation, and you really mean it, maybe they will face the situation as it is.

If you give them a "me or the dog" ultimatum, be sure you are prepared to do exactly what you say and be sure they fully understand that you will do it. Any other way won't work, no matter how much everyone wants it to.

Another alternative is to meet them (dog free) in a neutral spot.

My oldest daughter recently had a gentle dog that she truly loved whose disposition had begun to change to viciousness. She faced what she had to do and put her away. Afterward, we did some reading and discovered the change in personality was likely from meds given for Lyme disease. there could be a medical reason for your parent's dog acting like it does. Not likely,; but may be worthy of investigation.

Hats off to your sister. She has a hard job and seems to be doing the right thing.
The poor dog has a history of abuse. Combine that with a scary situation now happening in the home, and of course he wants to protect the family that treats him so lovingly! I do believe the dog is trainable, and now that my sister is not working afternoons, she can be more active in that. I'll pay for the trainer. Hopefully, that helps. He's been examined and tested by the vet, and it seems to just be overprotectiveness and fear. That's so sad about your daughter's dog! I'm sorry things worked out so badly in that regard

My sister and I are going to work on the (muzzled) dog outside the house and see if we can desensitize him to me.

The most workable solution is to let my parents live in our Cape Cod home and my sister and I will get a little business there that allows her to live in an upstairs condo. They have a lot of places like that on the Cape. That way, my parents can get help in, my sister can have a life, and the dog can live with both of them, depending on who's coming to which house. We have a lot of family in MA and NY, and I can go back and forth frequently. In addition, the Cape is really set up for seniors, and the services are plentiful and flexible. My father would go - he just wants the master bedroom and bath for themselves. I said 'of COURSE!" (men are so easy!!) . He said he'd love to be able to see his old friends again as well, who live a couple hours away. My mother is just saying a knee-jerk 'no' to everything and anything. We even have told the that they can live in our lovely ground-level lower level that has a bedroom, bathroom, large family living space, large computer/den space and a 12 seat home theater. There's also a 3/4 kitchen down there - probably over 1000 square feet total. Mom says "I don't want to live with you. I want my OWN place". Unfortunately, though, it's too expensive here - even a condo in Leisure World is around 350K and then there are very expensive monthly fees. So there ARE solutions, and good ones.

It's all very frustrating. I think I'll just have to see how things work out with my sister home more. If we get a year that way, that will at least buy us time, and perhaps Mom will start to soften about change.

Thank you all.
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  #24  
Old 07-26-2017, 11:52 AM
Dirk Hofman Dirk Hofman is offline
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Family is tough sometimes. I wish you patience, resolve and luck in sorting it out.
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  #25  
Old 07-26-2017, 03:00 PM
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15 to 20 pounds? A terrier, schnauzer or similar? Dog treats.

If its a Chihuahua - hand grenades.
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  #26  
Old 07-26-2017, 03:02 PM
LindaW LindaW is offline
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15 to 20 pounds? A terrier, schnauzer or similar? Dog treats.

If its a Chihuahua - hand grenades.
LOL!! My sister did the treat thing when the nurse was here today. Worked like a charm! He was completely distracted.
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  #27  
Old 07-26-2017, 03:03 PM
LindaW LindaW is offline
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Family is tough sometimes. I wish you patience, resolve and luck in sorting it out.
Thank you. To be honest, it's my mother throwing the stones in the path. I know she's scared and frustrated, but jeez!
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  #28  
Old 07-26-2017, 04:01 PM
amyFB amyFB is offline
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Originally Posted by LindaW View Post
Thank you. To be honest, it's my mother throwing the stones in the path. I know she's scared and frustrated, but jeez!


Maybe you just got close to a different tactic that is closer to the root cause.

Mom is scared , and perhaps it is a lot because of impending widowhood.

Acknowledge it proactively and Hug her hold her tight tell her you would be just as scared , and give her room to let wail and cry for a while. It's an odd thing to be the one who "kisses and makes better" but roles do reverse as we age, and maybe it is this simple.

Then after a calm down period, if lucky - talk together to find a way to identify and discuss how to utilize all the resources at hand. Include the dog as a resource (trained service /companion) along with your family and professional care staff.

Best of luck to you.
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  #29  
Old 07-27-2017, 06:21 AM
LindaW LindaW is offline
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Maybe you just got close to a different tactic that is closer to the root cause.

Mom is scared , and perhaps it is a lot because of impending widowhood.

Acknowledge it proactively and Hug her hold her tight tell her you would be just as scared , and give her room to let wail and cry for a while. It's an odd thing to be the one who "kisses and makes better" but roles do reverse as we age, and maybe it is this simple.

Then after a calm down period, if lucky - talk together to find a way to identify and discuss how to utilize all the resources at hand. Include the dog as a resource (trained service /companion) along with your family and professional care staff.

Best of luck to you.
My father could very well outlive my mother, his issues notwithstanding. I know my mother well and can see the veneer is off and that she probably has issues with dementia. She is probably also not taking the meds prescribed or taking it erratically, exacerbating the problem. I have notified her doctor - they are well-aware of the situation and are watching it carefully. They see her frequently since my father and mother go to the same practice.

This is not an issue of "mom is scared". This is an issue of "mom is not 'right' anymore and needs some intervention before she hurts herself or others. That is becoming clearer by the day.
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  #30  
Old 07-27-2017, 07:28 AM
Scott O Scott O is offline
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Is the visiting nurse only for your dad or your mother too? Sounds like a nurse trained in dementia care may be helpful to your mother. Good luck with this!
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