When you feel like giving up

[JonPR]

Originally Posted by Glennwillow

I have tried to get four of my grandchildren interested in the guitar. Every one of them has given up. Maybe they'll take it up again. Who knows. But if it's not for them, okay, do something else. Find something to add passion to your life.

- Glenn

Exactly.

In one sense, I "give up" regularly. Every time I play, I reach a point where I feel like stopping and doing something else. So I "give up", at that moment. I might pick it up again in 2 minutes, in a few hours, the next day, or not for a few days. Just whenever I feel i want to.

Some, like you say, will give up for months, or years, and may never go back to it at all. So what? What's the problem? If you want to, you do it, if you don't you don't.

But the passion is what matters. If the guitar is not doing it for you, that's OK. Something else will. Or maybe the guitar will eventually. It's nothing to worry about.

Where it can be an issue (I guess) is when you buy a load of gear - or just one expensive instrument - and then feel guilty if you're not getting your money's worth out of it. So if it's no longer fun to play, you feel like you need to sell it, because otherwise you feel it staring at you and accusing you. (Or your partner asks why you don't just sell it .)
And so you sell it ... but then later you wish you hadn't! So you buy another one! And the cycle begins again!
But again, the problem there is one of attitude: either expecting too much from the guitar, or having mixed up reasons for wanting to play.

[rllink]

Originally Posted by JonPR

I have certainly suffered both of those in many areas of my life. Discipline in school -which had to be endured without choice - and regret in later life, which can either be endured or ignored, but by its nature can't be "unchosen" (you cant turn the clock back).

But I've never suffered either of them in music! Music was always an escape and relief from all that!

I agree, music is not a discipline for me. If it is anything, I would label it therapy. It relaxes me to play music. A lady asked me the other day if I set aside a particular amount of time every day dedicated to practice. I told her that I didn't have to, I want to practice all the time.

[reeve21]

Originally Posted by rllink

I agree, music is not a discipline for me. If it is anything, I would label it therapy. It relaxes me to play music. A lady asked me the other day if I set aside a particular amount of time every day dedicated to practice. I told her that I didn't have to, I want to practice all the time.

I relate to this....I never feel like I want to give up. There is so much room for improvement, and the process is very enjoyable for me. Probably because it is my recreation/entertainment/therapy all rolled into one. I like to be engaged with something, and I don't get that from TV or movies. Reading is better, but not as good as learning a new tune. Of course there are days when I'm just not that into it, but they are rare. Always looking forward to the next opportunity to pick up a guitar.

[TBman]

Sometimes I just down shift for a while.

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by TBman

Sometimes I just down shift for a while.

Yep, me, too. Sometimes I push hard and work on a project that really motivates me that might use up a couple of weeks of effort.

Then I take it easy for a week or two. And then I am ready to take on a new project again.

- Glenn

[Charlie Bernstein]

Originally Posted by JonPR

. . . No no no! The goals have to be short! You can't be thinking about 5 years time, because that feels like forever.
And what happens after 5 years? You'll have another 5 year goal! You quite simply never get there. And then you die.
No, this is the most depressing, deadliest way to think. . . .

Glad someone said it. That one really scared me. I'm like Cool Hand Luke: I've never made a plan in my life.

Thanks!

[Bookstorecowboy]

I agree that short-term aims are very helpful and that five years may seem too long, even far too long.
I meant to say that you shouldn't try to accomplish in a day or a month what might take you years.
I could have said it better.

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by Bookstorecowboy

I agree that short-term aims are very helpful and that five years may seem too long, even far too long.
I meant to say that you shouldn't try to accomplish in a day or a month what might take you years.
I could have said it better.

I think you did just fine. You were trying to offer encouragement, and that's a good thing in this world!

- Glenn

[Pickcity]

Originally Posted by JonPR

I have certainly suffered both of those in many areas of my life. Discipline in school -which had to be endured without choice - and regret in later life, which can either be endured or ignored, but by its nature can't be "unchosen" (you cant turn the clock back).

But I've never suffered either of them in music! Music was always an escape and relief from all that!

I agree, but the post is titled “when you feel like giving up”…Giving up is for those who do see it as a burden, or a chore. It doesn’t sound fun.

[Bluenose]

I'll never give up the guitar until I reach that point in my old age that my hands will no longer cooperate with my brain. Hopefully I have at least another decade or so before that may become a reality.

I do get bored with my playing sometimes and when that happens I'll put down my OM or 000 and my fingerpicks and pick up my dread and do some flatpicking or I might pick up my resonator and a slide. Jack of all guitars, master of none, that's me but at least it keeps me in the game.

[JonPR]

Originally Posted by Pickcity

I agree, but the post is titled “when you feel like giving up”…Giving up is for those who do see it as a burden, or a chore. It doesn’t sound fun.

Precisely. If it's not fun, stop! If and when it feels like a burden or a chord, stop! Ask yourself - remind yourself - why you are doing it.

Do you need to pass an exam, achieve a grade? If so, is there a time limit, a deadline on that? In that case - whether someone is demanding that of you, or you are demanding it of yourself - then you may well have to suffer a degree of "chore" in practice sessions.
If that is a goal of your own making, hopefully you will get enough satisfaction out of eventually seeing the document with the number on it. Hopefully the sense of accomplishment - knowing where you stand in relation to your peers and to an official grading system - will make up for the tedium of those practice sessions. Yes, you did it, you made it!

That's fine, but it really is nothing to do with music, with what music is about and what it's for.

And course, if grades and competition are of no concern - if you are learning guitar purely as a recreational pursuit - then there should never be any sense of burden or chore involved. Why would there be? You play when you feel like it (and for as long as you feel it), and not when you don't.

Of course you want to improve; you want to be able to make sounds that are good enough to entertain yourself (at least!), maybe family or friends, perhaps even perform with others, and/or (ultimately) to entertain strangers.
But you can enjoy the process right from day one - because the secret is to focus on the present moment, on each sound you are making. Music is the best kind of "mindfulness" exercise. You can play one note, and just listen to it. You can play 3 blind mice, as slow as you need to, and enjoy the sound of that. You can start to tackle more difficult stuff, and feel it as an exciting challenge, not a painful chore. Can't play the F chord? Forget it, find songs which don't need an F chord. The more you play anything, the more your technique is improving. Return to the F chord now and then, and it will steadily get easier.
And obviously, the more you enjoy every moment, the more you will play, so the faster you will improve.
And when you stop playing (when you get tired, or it stars to hurt, or there are other things you need to do), then you look forward more eagerly to your next playing opportunity.

Quite simply, you just need to find things you want to play! If you can already play them, focus on making them sound even better. If you can't yet play them, start working on them, note by note, chord by chord. If that tune gets boring before you finish it, put it on one side and find another.

[Charlie Bernstein]

Originally Posted by JonPR

Precisely. If it's not fun, stop! If and when it feels like a burden or a chord, stop! . . .

True!

I took the question differently. Some stop because it's a burden, as you say. Others stop out of frustration. I did in the early seventies for about six months because I realized that I'd never be the great player I wanted to be.

But I missed it a lot and figured, wotthehell, and got up and running again.

And others stop out of busy-ness. My work sometimes became all-consuming. Classic workaholic: It's gotta get done so I've gotta do it. There were long stretches when I didn't do anything fun besides work, which had its own entertainments.

And, of course, there were times when I couldn't afford a guitar. That pretty much puts the kibosh on the whole enchilada.

[Jamolay]

Being very new to guitar, 3 years casual after work practice, the only time I feel like giving up is when I think of the long term goals. It is a slow slog at the non-professional rate of practice, so if I think my value in playing is some future ability, I am screwed.

The value in playing is the joy and challenge of now and the near term goals, like getting those few bars of a new song under the fingers and into the memory. To feel the timing and put it together into the larger piece bit by bit. To get better moment to moment. To hear myself learn to make music.

The long term view is an amorphous and difficult goal. What is good, what is mastery? The “masters” will all tell you they are still learning. If they are not, they probably aren’t “masters”. The long term skill growth will take care of itself if I learn and enjoy the moment I am playing. I try not to worry about the future. I don’t always succeed at that.

[JonPR]

Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein

True!

I took the question differently. Some stop because it's a burden, as you say. Others stop out of frustration. I did in the early seventies for about six months because I realized that I'd never be the great player I wanted to be.

But I missed it a lot and figured, wotthehell, and got up and running again.

Exactly. You figured - I'm guessing - that playing was its own reward, whether you got to be a "great player" or not.

Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein

And others stop out of busy-ness. My work sometimes became all-consuming. Classic workaholic: It's gotta get done so I've gotta do it. There were long stretches when I didn't do anything fun besides work, which had its own entertainments.

And, of course, there were times when I couldn't afford a guitar. That pretty much puts the kibosh on the whole enchilada.

Right. It's annoying when so-called "real life" gets in the way!