Was This Rude?

[Karaokemonk]

I have a client who has given me salted pecans at Christmas every year for decades. Let's just say he's "thrifty" and I know he gets them in bulk. The last couple of years I've just given them away as they are way too salty and my blood pressure has been through the roof.
This year I told him I really didn't want them and why. Should I have just accepted them and pretended I was grateful? Maybe I'm just looking for things to feel guilty about....or is it sacrilege to turn down a gift?

[LouieAtienza]

You could accept them, and send them my way!

[Karaokemonk]

Too late Louie!

[Mandobart]

I don't think its rude to politely decline a gift that isn't healthy for you.

[Brucebubs]

Old guy in an aged care facility kept giving one of the carers a jar of raisins every couple of months or so.
The carer wondered why his visiting relatives kept giving him raisins he didn't eat.
Turns out they were originally chocolate covered.
Yep ........


Just in case you're wondering, the old guy was sucking them until all the chocolate was gone then popping the raisins back in the jar.

[Long Jon]

Bruce that was funny !


Disgusting,,, but funny.

Monk, mmmm, teeny bit rude, but not as rude as lumbering people with crappy cheap gifts that nobody (apart maybe from Louie) wants

[buddyhu]

I don't think you were rude. Some folks would rather hear the truth than to load you down with things you can't or won't enjoy. But there are others who will take offense, merely because they dont value directness.

And, of course, we should allow that every person's notion of rudeness are rooted in what they have learned from their family and their society. In some societies, declining ANY gift is EXTRMEMELY rude. My notion is rooted in a fairly informal, middle class upbringing in the USA.

Nonetheless, for such a small gift from a client, I would have kept my mouth shut and re-gifted the pecans. But that is more related to an assessment of social expediency than to a concern about rudeness.

[rokdog49]

My former boss gave me an expensive bottle of Irish Whiskey this past Christmas at the annual company party.
First off I have never been a Whiskey drinker and secondly, I stopped drinking any alcohol a couple of months earlier. I chose to graciously accept the gift as it would have embarrassed my boss in front of others had I declined. In fairness, he was unaware that I was no longer drinking alcohol.
If I go to the party next year, I'll give him a "heads up" just in case.
I don't feel the need to tell him now as we don't really socialize or see each other.
I think in the OP's case I would probably tell the giver of my health issues as he didand ask them not to give me any more salted pecans. Most people would understand. It's not rude.

[Acousticado]

I don’t think it’s rude to politely decline a gift, especially where legitimate health issues are involved. Personally, I wouldn’t be bothered by being advised. I’d try and come up with something more appropriate. Not everyone would be so inclined though.

[cotten]

Originally Posted by Karaokemonk

I have a client who has given me salted pecans at Christmas every year for decades. Let's just say he's "thrifty" and I know he gets them in bulk. The last couple of years I've just given them away as they are way too salty and my blood pressure has been through the roof.
This year I told him I really didn't want them and why. Should I have just accepted them and pretended I was grateful? Maybe I'm just looking for things to feel guilty about....or is it sacrilege to turn down a gift?

The determining factor here is not so much what you told him, but how you went about it.

RUDE: I don't want or need your stupid gift, you Idiot! Don't you know what it does to my blood pressure? How thoughtless can you be?!

NOT RUDE: You have been so kind in giving me these pecans for Christmas every year. That is both thoughtful and generous, and I appreciate it. However, these days I am having to control my salt intake to help control my blood pressure, so I will no longer be able to enjoy them. It might be better if you shared them with someone else so I wouldn't be tempted to eat them anyway. I hope you understand!

While both of these may be true, the first is obviously rude and crude, and may well cost you this client. Insulting. The second expresses appreciation, an explanation, and a better option, together with the opportunity for your client to respond positively. With this approach, I suspect your relationship with this client will be better, not worse.

cotten

[Jusca]

It doesn't sound rude. It's good you're telling him so the food doesn't go wasted in the trash.

[Silurian]

I would have accepted the gift. I'm in the UK though, I have a feeling that here most people would have accepted it.
I don't believe declining would be rude per se, but would constitute a socially embarrassing situation, which us Brits are notorious for wishing to avoid. Regardless of how politely you decline, you are putting the gift giver in the position of having to effectively apologise for the gift. This is undesirable and wholly avoidable.
Of course it is appropriate for the gift giver to take the initiative and apologise for the paucity or inadequacy of the gift. It is then beholden on the receiver to disagree and demonstrate an appropriate level of thanks.

The giving of the gift is the important bit, the gift itself is largely irrelevant.

My ebook; Silurian's Book of British Gift Giving Etiquette is available on Kindle fo $0.99.

[Fretboard Phil]

Accept the gift, say thank you, and re-gift it to someone who will enjoy it.

[Silly Moustache]

Originally Posted by Fretboard Phil

Accept the gift, say thank you, and re-gift it to someone who will enjoy it.

This is the only acceptable action for me at least.

Let's face it, once you get to a certain age, there are few , if any things that you can be given for Xmas or birthday that you want or need.

Just smile and say thanks and give them away. most of my gifts go to the charity shops.

[Sage97]

Originally Posted by Silly Moustache

This is the only acceptable action for me at least.

Let's face it, once you get to a certain age, there are few , if any things that you can be given for Xmas or birthday that you want or need.

Just smile and say thanks and give them away. most of my gifts go to the charity shops.

Same here.