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I can't count the number of times I've witnessed female musicians being told to smile, how they should dress, or what they should and shouldn't say behind a microphone.
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Never seen this happen (and I'm in the greater Boston area). Curious on the people (men) who would say this and what women they would say it too.
But the issue becomes more than the men who would say this - its you as the witness to this behavior not speaking up (to the man saying it) and saying "why would you say such a thing? Have you offered similar criticism to a male player?"
Per a female musician friend, we (men) are all guilty of allowing this type of thing to happen because we have never spoken against it, even if we have not done it ourselves or condoned it.